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PHmember
1,767 posts
40 months
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mattdaniels said: Having watched the 2 days of heptathlon, I've been diagnosed with Ennis elbow. Might want a second opinion on that - it's probably all in the wrist.
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dave stew
1,316 posts
36 months
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I heard a strange tune yesterday at the Olympics. Shazamed it - it was the Australian national anthem.
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Marty63
1,543 posts
43 months
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"IT'S A BOY" I shouted "A BOY, I DON'T BELIEVE IT, IT'S A BOY" and with tears streaming down my face
I swore I'd never visit another Thai brothel !!!!
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Marty63
1,543 posts
43 months
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I was arrested for masturbating in public
My wife said " what were you thinking"??
"Not about you"
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Muntu
5,905 posts
68 months
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Knock knock. Knock knock. Knock knock. Knock knock. Knock knock. Knock knock. Knock knock. Knock knock. Knock knock. Knock knock. Knock knock. Knock knock. Knock knock. Knock knock. Knock knock. Knock knock. Who's there? Bob Hoskins 
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Laurel Green
14,858 posts
101 months
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I hope this poem has the same effect on you as it did on me -
Walk with me by the water - worth the read...
A BEAUTIFUL POEM ABOUT GROWING OLDER:
Bugger...I forgot the words....
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alfa pint
3,856 posts
80 months
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The wife came home with a pack of nappies and a bag of baby clothes.
"Is there something you want to tell me?" I asked.
"Yeah," she said, "Gary Barlow's having a car boot sale."
You might not hear from me for a while.
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DAVEVO9
2,518 posts
136 months
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Muntu said: Knock knock. Knock knock. Knock knock. Knock knock. Knock knock. Knock knock. Knock knock. Knock knock. Knock knock. Knock knock. Knock knock. Knock knock. Knock knock. Knock knock. Knock knock. Knock knock. Who's there? Bob Hoskins Poor sod.. Still.. least he has Parkinson's rather than Alzheimer's.. Better to spill yer beer than forget where you put it!
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alfa pint
3,856 posts
80 months
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It's a terrifying statistic. 70% of young males die behind the wheel.
It isn't all laughs being a hamster.
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slopes
27,600 posts
56 months
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alfa pint said: The wife came home with a pack of nappies and a bag of baby clothes.
"Is there something you want to tell me?" I asked.
"Yeah," she said, "Gary Barlow's having a car boot sale."
You might not hear from me for a while. Oooh ya f  ker, thats harsh 
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humpbackmaniac
1,695 posts
110 months
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The best thing about being a liar is this enormous penis!
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MrAndyW
78 posts
17 months
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Yorkshire are dominating the Olympics..
And we've still got Peter Sutcliffe to come with the hammer!
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Morningside
16,764 posts
98 months
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Ooooooooooooooooooo. Cringe.  Did not know where else to post it
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Laurel Green
14,858 posts
101 months
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^^^  ^^^
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Landlord
11,887 posts
126 months
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alfa pint said: The wife came home with a pack of nappies and a bag of baby clothes.
"Is there something you want to tell me?" I asked.
"Yeah," she said, "Gary Barlow's having a car boot sale."
You might not hear from me for a while. I shouldn't but... 
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Ganglandboss
6,663 posts
72 months
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MrAndyW said: Yorkshire are dominating the Olympics..
And we've still got Peter Sutcliffe to come with the hammer!
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LordHaveMurci
3,118 posts
38 months
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Ganglandboss said: MrAndyW said: Yorkshire are dominating the Olympics..
And we've still got Peter Sutcliffe to come with the hammer! Here, have another
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Mad Mark
2,103 posts
101 months
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Women's first thought when coming across a skid mark in the toilet is "Eeww! Thats disgusting, I must get bleach out before I can use this."
Mens first thought is " Hmmm... I wonder if I can remove this with my piss?"
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Marty63
1,543 posts
43 months
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Two lads arguing in the playground as to who’s father is the best at ‘stuff’.
It eventually comes to the topic of smoking,
“well my dad can blow smoke out of his nose”
“well mine can blow smoke out of his ears”
“well my dad can blow smoke out of his bum”
“how the hell do you know that then??”
“Cos I’ve seen the nicotine stains in his underpants”
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Muncle Trogg
756 posts
27 months
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The Olympics are coming to an end this week. The athletes will go home, and it will be the turn of those who have to battle against severe disability.
August 18th sees the start of Tottenham's Premier League campaign.
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