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Tuscan Rat
Original Poster
3,244 posts
93 months
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Well Volume 6 is now here, so to start it off..... Three guys walk into a bar. The first guy says, "I've got the smallest arm in the world." The second guy, "I've got the smallest head in the world." ... The third guy, "I've got the smallest penis in the world." So the three guys go to the Guinness World Records. The first guy comes back and says, "I really do have the smallest arm in the world!" The second guy comes back and says, "Amazing, I do have the smallest head in the world!" The third guy comes back angry and shouts, "WHO THE f  k IS JUSTIN BIEBER?!"
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SC7
1,882 posts
51 months
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A bloke walks into a pub and orders a pint of Whitbread, before nipping to the gents'.
The barmaid places his pint on the bar, and out of nowhere a muscular black woman appears, hops up onto a bar stool, straddles his glass and trumps right into the ale.
The bloke returns from the toilet, picks up his pint, goes to take a sip and immediately wretches and heaves.
He looks around, wiping his mouth and spots the athletic black woman looking guilty at the other end of the bar.
"Oi," he shouts angrily, "You fart in my Whitbread?!"
"No," she replies, "I'm Tessa Sanderson."
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Jonboy_t
2,562 posts
53 months
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I was in the bar with my mate when I told him, "My girlfriend bet me a tenner that I wouldn't be home before 10pm tonight."
He replied, "Well you've got 5 minutes to get home then."
"No, I've got 3 hours to borrow a tenner."
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Thom987
3,185 posts
36 months
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Sent away for a hearing aid in June....still haven't heard anything back.
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Laurel Green
15,035 posts
102 months
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Mods, can we please have a clown (^^^^ one of them) smiley in the margin please. 
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WestYorkie
1,702 posts
65 months
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Urgent advice to ginger women........ Don't have a brazilian... It will look like a fish finger!!
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Laurel Green
15,035 posts
102 months
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WestYorkie said: Urgent advice to ginger women........ Don't have a brazilian... It will look like a fish finger!! 
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PH lurker
1,257 posts
27 months
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Will there be Latvians?...
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j44esd
914 posts
93 months
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PH lurker said: Will there be Latvians?... No Latvians. Only potato. I'm going to hell aren't I?
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omgus
4,980 posts
45 months
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 I have the tenn(ish) post. 
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snowy slopes
27,641 posts
57 months
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j44esd said: PH lurker said: Will there be Latvians?... No Latvians. Only potato. I'm going to hell aren't I? No, is too warm, stay here is cold
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im
28,395 posts
87 months
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Just to log-in to this thread...
What bounces and makes kids cry? My cheque to Children in Need.
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snowy slopes
27,641 posts
57 months
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I passed my ethics exam today
I cheated
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bob1179
13,481 posts
79 months
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SC7 said: A bloke walks into a pub and orders a pint of Whitbread, before nipping to the gents'.
The barmaid places his pint on the bar, and out of nowhere a muscular black woman appears, hops up onto a bar stool, straddles his glass and trumps right into the ale.
The bloke returns from the toilet, picks up his pint, goes to take a sip and immediately wretches and heaves.
He looks around, wiping his mouth and spots the athletic black woman looking guilty at the other end of the bar.
"Oi," he shouts angrily, "You fart in my Whitbread?!"
"No," she replies, "I'm Tessa Sanderson."
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LordHaveMurci
3,158 posts
39 months
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WestYorkie said: Urgent advice to ginger women........ Don't have a brazilian... It will look like a fish finger!! 
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JonRB
39,961 posts
142 months
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SC7 said: "You fart in my Whitbread?!" Reminds me of another beer-related joke. Rosemary West is released on parole and goes into her local and the barman says "Rosemary! So great to see you. Can I get you a glass of wine perhaps?" "No", she replies, "but I could murder some Tennents"
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Tuscan Rat
Original Poster
3,244 posts
93 months
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Laurel Green said: Mods, can we please have a clown (^^^^ one of them) smiley in the margin please. Sorted !!!
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Laurel Green
15,035 posts
102 months
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Tuscan Rat said: Sorted !!! Thanks, TR.
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Jasandjules
45,858 posts
99 months
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snowy slopes
27,641 posts
57 months
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JonRB said: Reminds me of another beer-related joke.
Rosemary West is released on parole and goes into her local and the barman says "Rosemary! So great to see you. Can I get you a glass of wine perhaps?"
"No", she replies, "but I could murder some Tennents"
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