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steeveeboy

Original Poster:

663 posts

172 months

Wednesday 14th March 2012
quotequote all
Right without the appropriate but un needed "MTFU" i need some advice!
Following a heated row lasting through the night my girlfriend has stormed off with my 2 month old daughter, i know she wont be coming back! The trouble is things have been rough ever since the baby came along, stress leves getting high etc, the only trouble is i cant help but sit here and feel angry, guilty, whatever else i dont really know, anyone got any ideas to help me get through this? And to anyone that says wait for her to come back im 100% shes gone!
Cheers in advance guys and gals
Steve

ali4390

2,320 posts

164 months

Wednesday 14th March 2012
quotequote all
If its been since the baby came along, is there not some sort of counselling that can help?

I hope it all sorts itself out for you mate!

McMacro

2,788 posts

156 months

Wednesday 14th March 2012
quotequote all
The first few months of having a baby are very stressful, you both just have to be patient. On to our second baby now, and we could easily have done the same as you guys. Just keep your chins up remember that the stress is/should be temporary.

Boshly

2,776 posts

235 months

Wednesday 14th March 2012
quotequote all
First couple of years are always the hardest, but it does get better all the time.

It's even harder on your own. You just need to try and get help to make sure you are there for each other during this. It could even be her hormones still all over the place so you'll need to be even more tolerant than normal

Good luck fella, just be reasonable and supportive, and hopefully (with intervention??) she'll see that you're a team sharing the good times and the tough ones.

CoolHands

18,440 posts

194 months

Wednesday 14th March 2012
quotequote all
Get drunk

steeveeboy

Original Poster:

663 posts

172 months

Wednesday 14th March 2012
quotequote all
I wish it was that simple, we left the baby with my mum and went away for a week, there was constant arguing, my mum has been in contact with her since she left and ive just read the conversation(mothers permission!) some of the things shes said are unreal and pathetic, i dont actually think for the best with her temper its wise for us to be in the same room! Anyhow shes taken my car so at some stage i need to get that back but its stupid niggly things and to be honest its done my head in, thanks for the support! It means a lot, i guess the tension is still high and no one has slept, shes been weird for a while, checking my phone etc

Ikemi

8,436 posts

204 months

Wednesday 14th March 2012
quotequote all
What do you argue about?

Adenauer

18,561 posts

235 months

Wednesday 14th March 2012
quotequote all
Sounds rough Steeveeboy.

May I ask how old you both are? It just seems way over the top for her to do a runner with your baby because you had a row. Or was it a bit more than just a row?

Do you know where she is now?

GTIR

24,741 posts

265 months

Wednesday 14th March 2012
quotequote all
Ikemi said:
What do you argue about?
He is always on Pistonheads.

steeveeboy

Original Poster:

663 posts

172 months

Wednesday 14th March 2012
quotequote all
Both 19, i know that might sound young but if after two years she was still here and things were fine i thought i was in for the long haul, it was rough, i firmly believe she is a psycho now! It started off as a bit of messing and then she just snapped, shouting at me that i should in not so many words go for a walk, anyway shes at her mothers, after tonight im worried for her mental health and i mean that seriously but for my two month old daughter

Adenauer

18,561 posts

235 months

Wednesday 14th March 2012
quotequote all
steeveeboy said:
Both 19, i know that might sound young but if after two years she was still here and things were fine i thought i was in for the long haul, it was rough, i firmly believe she is a psycho now! It started off as a bit of messing and then she just snapped, shouting at me that i should in not so many words go for a walk, anyway shes at her mothers, after tonight im worried for her mental health and i mean that seriously but for my two month old daughter
What does her Mother think of all this, can you talk to her?

Surely you're not going to let her just wander off with your kid, especially if she's a loon?

What is a 'bit of messing'? And what caused her to snap?

cal216610

7,839 posts

169 months

Wednesday 14th March 2012
quotequote all
Boshly said:
First couple of years are always the hardest, but it does get better all the time.

It's even harder on your own. You just need to try and get help to make sure you are there for each other during this. It could even be her hormones still all over the place so you'll need to be even more tolerant than normal

Good luck fella, just be reasonable and supportive, and hopefully (with intervention??) she'll see that you're a team sharing the good times and the tough ones.
+1
A lot of the times even the most simple things become great issues and if you are not able to sort through some of these, then anything else will just add and arguements end up being happening just becuse it's the normality of the relationship.
You got to hold your calm when she loses hers and show that you are listening and being supportive rather than shout and argue back.
Stay calm and things sholud get better.

zetec

4,465 posts

250 months

Wednesday 14th March 2012
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I would try and talk to her Mother, this sounds alot like Post Natal Depression , she could be in need of some help?

louiebaby

10,651 posts

190 months

Wednesday 14th March 2012
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zetec said:
I would try and talk to her Mother, this sounds alot like Post Natal Depression , she could be i n need of some help?
This was my first thought, but I am absolutely not an expert, whatsoever.

sday12

5,053 posts

210 months

Wednesday 14th March 2012
quotequote all
You're both young, her emotions/hormones are going mad with the baby, lack of sleep, worry about the future. She may have post natal depression.

Forget about what you want. Concentrate on them both. Suck it up.

stuartmmcfc

8,653 posts

191 months

Wednesday 14th March 2012
quotequote all
zetec said:
I would try and talk to her Mother, this sounds alot like Post Natal Depression , she could be in need of some help?
Unfortunately I have to agree. It's going to take some time. Good luck.

AlVal

1,883 posts

263 months

Wednesday 14th March 2012
quotequote all
logic says that when she calms down, won't take her long to realise the baby needs its two parents, and she'll start making efforts to reconcile. Guess the problem here is applying assumptions of logic..

On another note, can any of you give some indication of why it's stressful after a baby? I'm about to have first one in 3 months, and I guess I should be prepared - what is it that causes it?

jonnyb

2,590 posts

251 months

Wednesday 14th March 2012
quotequote all
steeveeboy said:
anyone got any ideas to help me get through this?
Steve
Porn and Spearmint Rino.

phil1979

3,539 posts

214 months

Wednesday 14th March 2012
quotequote all
AlVal said:
On another note, can any of you give some indication of why it's stressful after a baby? I'm about to have first one in 3 months, and I guess I should be prepared - what is it that causes it?
If, like me, your new baby gets blighted by the 3-month colic, just being able to communicate to eachother gets tough, and heated. Our boy is 10 months now, and things are a lot better, but during the first 6 months I was eyeing up a mum-sized hole under the patio, and I dare say she was thinking the same about me. It just obliterates a relationship, albeit temporarily, in some cases.


JungleJim

2,336 posts

211 months

Wednesday 14th March 2012
quotequote all
AlVal said:
logic says that when she calms down, won't take her long to realise the baby needs its two parents, and she'll start making efforts to reconcile. Guess the problem here is applying assumptions of logic..

On another note, can any of you give some indication of why it's stressful after a baby? I'm about to have first one in 3 months, and I guess I should be prepared - what is it that causes it?
Lack of sleep, mostly. Bone crushing, repetitious daily lack of sleep for months after the baby is born - they don't know to sleep at night, why should they, you have to train them to do it. But that means you'll be up at all hours of the night and getting the baby off to bed in the evening is a long and drawn out process. Many of your dinners will go cold!

The baby screaming at the top of its lungs and nothing will placate it, and of course it can't tell you why its screaming. At 2am. Then 3am. Then 4am.

The constant worry: is the baby too hot, is it too cold, have we fed it enough, not enough. Endless sterilising. Getting up in the night to feed the baby. Not having a moment to yourself all day.

The worry that you now have a dependent, so financial pressures, reduced income maybe depending on your companies maternity/paternity arrangements.

Get through the first 4-6 months and you're in the land of milk and honey with a baby that can interact, laugh and brighten your life in ways that now, in your pre-baby life, you can't even begin to imagine. It truly is wonderful.

But mostly don't underestimate the torturous effect that lack of sleep will have on your psyche in the first 2 months or so, and the strain that it will place on you and your partner.

Edited by JungleJim on Wednesday 14th March 09:15