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pistonchris

828 posts

180 months

Wednesday 14th March 2012
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Im 24 i have 4 kids and been married 4 years.
Trust me it's hard nobody gives you a hand book of how to deal with been a parent it's all trail and error.
It sounds like you and your partner need to get together with out the baby and sit and have a long talk.
Tell her if she wants to see a doctor you will go with her and help her through it.
Kids are hard work pal very hard work and can test you in ways you will never imagine.
If you want to talk you can always pm me if you want.

prand

5,907 posts

195 months

Wednesday 14th March 2012
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Disappointed by the F-i-L's reaction. Is he the type that is very protective of his little girl? Is her mum still some help?

If you want to stay together, keep trying and understand your GF will not be the same in the head for a long while, so be prepared to roll often when she starts misbehaving. However try to get some help from friends and family - keeping onside with her family is key.

Good luck, it's not fun, but it is life so keep plugging away as it's worth it.




steeveeboy

Original Poster:

663 posts

172 months

Wednesday 14th March 2012
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Just woken up! To clarify heres how it went, woke up to feed little madam her bottle, as I always do! She turned over as i was sat on the side of the bed, i put said little madam back in her cot, turn round and ask if she wants a drink, she says only if you put some cyanide in yours, i laughed and she totally flipped, i dont quite know why her dad turned like that, but to be honest her mum was the same, i dont know why she kept going through my phone but seeing as shes been out all day and not even bothered to ring or text my mum to see how her own daughter is i dont think shes that bothered, shes said its the end and ive said ill give her space, im not too sure how i feel though part of me wants to chuck flowers and chocs her way and beg her to come back, part of me is hoping i never see her again!

anonymous-user

53 months

Wednesday 14th March 2012
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steeveeboy said:
Just woken up! To clarify heres how it went, woke up to feed little madam her bottle, as I always do! She turned over as i was sat on the side of the bed, i put said little madam back in her cot, turn round and ask if she wants a drink, she says only if you put some cyanide in yours, i laughed and she totally flipped, i dont quite know why her dad turned like that, but to be honest her mum was the same, i dont know why she kept going through my phone but seeing as shes been out all day and not even bothered to ring or text my mum to see how her own daughter is i dont think shes that bothered, shes said its the end and ive said ill give her space, im not too sure how i feel though part of me wants to chuck flowers and chocs her way and beg her to come back, part of me is hoping i never see her again!
She thinks you have been.playing away and has told her parents the same

Mobile Chicane

20,687 posts

211 months

Wednesday 14th March 2012
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Google 'puerperal psychosis'.

The hormonal changes in pregnancy and childbirth make some wimmins completely lose the plot.

I'm wondering if that's what has happened here? If so, she needs to see a Doctor - now.

prand

5,907 posts

195 months

Wednesday 14th March 2012
quotequote all
steeveeboy said:
Just woken up! To clarify heres how it went, woke up to feed little madam her bottle, as I always do! She turned over as i was sat on the side of the bed, i put said little madam back in her cot, turn round and ask if she wants a drink, she says only if you put some cyanide in yours, i laughed and she totally flipped, i dont quite know why her dad turned like that, but to be honest her mum was the same, i dont know why she kept going through my phone but seeing as shes been out all day and not even bothered to ring or text my mum to see how her own daughter is i dont think shes that bothered, shes said its the end and ive said ill give her space, im not too sure how i feel though part of me wants to chuck flowers and chocs her way and beg her to come back, part of me is hoping i never see her again!
God how awful, that situation makes me upset on your behalf its so unfair on you. This is not right, and nor is her parents siding with her - they should see you all as their family who need their help, and should be old and wise enough to see what's going on.

You have my complete sympathies. All I can say is that if you want to get through this together, you need to be incredibly strong and be able to meet your GF and family together and try to get everything out in the open and talk through this together (maybe take your Dad or Mum along for support).

If you can honestly say that this is all your GF just not being herself, and reacting badly to you, then she will also be doing this to others, and they will also see that. So when she moves home for a bit her mum & dad might understand your position better. It won't take long.

The important thing is that this is not a permanent thing, it can be helped and will go away with time and support, and possibly medical help. She needs to be seeing health visitor, Doctor etc as soon as possible to talk through what's happening and see what can be done to help.

Good luck - I really hope this works out for the best for all of you!


YeahYeahWhatever

650 posts

205 months

Wednesday 14th March 2012
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page 3 and no one has suggested pics may help?

standards are dropping biggrin

steeveeboy

Original Poster:

663 posts

172 months

Thursday 15th March 2012
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I definately see this being the end for us now, her best friend just rang me and said she had just left (been there all day) slagging me off, i can now see why her dad acted the way he did, before she got pregnant she slipped getting out of the bath(no really) and bruised her side, apparently i did that to her when i was on crutches, now i was brought up around domestic violence which she knows, to think shes been accusing me of that is unreal, shes text my mum within the last half hour saying she wants her stuff, apparently her and her mother and father are coming round for a chat tomorrow, see how that goes and hopefully will be closure either way!

prand

5,907 posts

195 months

Thursday 15th March 2012
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Well, i wish you all the best. Perhaps this is an opportunity to get things aired. If you relationship is breakning down, try to focus on what's best for yor daughter.

stuartmmcfc

8,653 posts

191 months

Thursday 15th March 2012
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above all KEEP CALM
It'll be very easy to get sucked into a slanging match when you hear how "bad" you've been from people who weren't even there,
There's nothing to gain and everything to loose if you get involved with any sort of argument with herself, her family or her friends,
The best thing to do IMO is to try and be agreable and helpful whatever happens,
When the dust has settled then it'll be time to move things on constructively.
Be the Better Man- but be warned, you aren't going to get closure, either way, over something so important, so quicky.


The alternative is the Jeremy Kyle show and we don't want to see you all end up there laugh

Edited by stuartmmcfc on Thursday 15th March 09:08

DaveL485

2,758 posts

196 months

Thursday 15th March 2012
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louiebaby said:
zetec said:
I would try and talk to her Mother, this sounds alot like Post Natal Depression , she could be i n need of some help?
This was my first thought, but I am absolutely not an expert, whatsoever.
My first thought also, and i'm very well versed in the evils of it. Unfortunately for me.

prand

5,907 posts

195 months

Thursday 15th March 2012
quotequote all
stuartmmcfc said:
above all KEEP CALM

The best thing to do IMO is to try and be agreable and helpful whatever happens,
When the dust has settled then it'll be time to move things on constructively.
Be the Better Man- but be warned, you aren't going to get closure, either way, over something so important, so quicky.

Edited by stuartmmcfc on Thursday 15th March 09:08
My thoughts exactly. Keep the moral high ground, don't burn bridges by doing/saying things you might regret. Remember you are potentially dealing with a sick person who would not be doing this under normal curcumstances.

Hysteria1983

1,616 posts

157 months

Thursday 15th March 2012
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I would talk to the parents and tell them you are genuinely worried.

Explain that if she wants you to keep your distance for a while (as that seems to be an issue for her) that you will do just that. Suggest that you go na pick the baby up from her mum, and you dont need to have contact.

I think she needs help. You said that you went away for a week and things were still just as bad. Im very suprised that she even wanted to be away from a baby so young?! I couln't imagine having spent that length of time away from my two at such an early age.

She might not think there is anything wrong with her, but this is where you will NEED the help from her parents.

Hopefully if she can get her head sorted out, and you keep your distance for a bit, things will all turn out ok.

Remember, this might seem like she hates you, but she doesn't. You just happen to be the one person who she spends the most time with, so you just get the full forse of it.

Puggit

48,318 posts

247 months

Thursday 15th March 2012
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Hysteria1983 said:
I think she needs help. You said that you went away for a week and things were still just as bad. Im very suprised that she even wanted to be away from a baby so young?! I couln't imagine having spent that length of time away from my two at such an early age.
Someone has either got their priorities completely messed up, or their head is not in the right place. Either way, all is not well with this mother.

I can understand the desire from a father to escape a 2 month old screaming poo and vomit machine - but not from a mother.

Hysteria1983

1,616 posts

157 months

Thursday 15th March 2012
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Puggit said:
Hysteria1983 said:
I think she needs help. You said that you went away for a week and things were still just as bad. Im very suprised that she even wanted to be away from a baby so young?! I couln't imagine having spent that length of time away from my two at such an early age.
Someone has either got their priorities completely messed up, or their head is not in the right place. Either way, all is not well with this mother.

I can understand the desire from a father to escape a 2 month old screaming poo and vomit machine - but not from a mother.
Exactly. That is the main thing that stands out for me. It shows that she does have some problem with the attachment to the baby, or lack of as the case may be.
If I were you, I wouldn't hand around too long for her parents to sort it out, as they may just think that you not being on the scene is all that needs to be done to help. I would give your gp a ring, and make an appointment tp speak to your gp, or even a nurse. You can talk to a proffesional quite openly about all the stuff is going on, so as well as hopefully getting help for your partner, you can get a load of your chest too.

steeveeboy

Original Poster:

663 posts

172 months

Thursday 15th March 2012
quotequote all
Well theyve just been round and things went badly but i stayed calm and said my piece calmly, it seems she told her father i hit her, my stepdad had to step in as he went to hit me when they turned up, ive still got my daughter here and it didnt bother her in the slightest, she never spoke a single word to me but went upstairs and when i tried to follow to talk to her on her own her mother stepped in the way, im really annoyed that she didnt bat an eyelid that im keeping the baby here, the week away was her idea and that seemed a little strange, anyhow thanks again for the support guys and gals it means a lot!

Puggit

48,318 posts

247 months

Thursday 15th March 2012
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I take it you haven't hit her?

gtdc

4,259 posts

282 months

Thursday 15th March 2012
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OP. This is very hard to say without sounding harsh or snotty but: given your ages, the distress you are both obviously suffering and that from what we can glean of her family it might be fair to say they are not of the highest calibre, you could really do with some objective adult help in real life.

Is there anyone neutral that you could both talk to? Your GP or health visitor (do such things even still exist). Even if you can't get her to agree to start with you really need the ear and help of someone in real life.

It sounds very much like your lady might have PND and I can't think this is doing you or the baby much good.

Big Fat Fatty

3,303 posts

155 months

Thursday 15th March 2012
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WTF??!!

The father in-law is willing to throw punches around without hearing both sides of the story?
She has left the baby with you and doesn't seem bothered about it at all?

Sorry mate, it may not be what you want to hear but PND or no, you're better off without them. Let her sort herself out and if and when she's ready she'll come back of her own accord.

TTwiggy

11,486 posts

203 months

Thursday 15th March 2012
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anonymous said:
[redacted]
In the popular PH vernacular - this.