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rogerthefish
Original Poster
835 posts
100 months
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Tried discussing things but the mum backs them up as always, 16 just about to leave school and won't be in collage till late september, after about 2 weeks of getting cv together (not exactly a full employment history at that age) I asked where he applied to be greeted by him "nowhere yet" and the mother said "you know there is no work out at the moment" I despair!
As usual in teenage room there is cr%p and rubbish every, and I've tried to reason to get the place cleaned up on numerous occasions only to have only the duvet pulled up or find him just listening to music in the room. So as he's ignoring me and backed up by the mother I've thought about removing privileges i.e the iphone until his sty is cleaned to my satisfaction. What's the views of fellow PH teenage parents ?
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dibbers006
6,259 posts
87 months
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Only when both parents are of the same mind and have agreed to tackle situations together will you get anywhere.
You need to concentrate on that first before trying to show a teenager how to properly interact with and be a part of a responsible world.
Going it alone will result in behind your back shenanigans and ultimately frustrate you and them.
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Derek Smith
16,038 posts
117 months
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My suggestion is don't make a fuss about it. Be normal. Help him if he asks, and ask him if he needs help to apply. As a previous poster has said, get the missus on your side first, You can't blame his attitude when the info he's getting is supporting a point of view of do nothing.
Show wanted ads, mention his friends who are working, but keep away from confrontation. Don't sulk, slam doors or moan. That's his job.
My experience with four kids is that there are phases that most go through. I'd just try chatting to him about anything aother than work.
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SystemParanoia
8,525 posts
67 months
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get him a WOW account 
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EDLT
14,580 posts
75 months
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Wrong forum, all the "Raise my kids for me" threads go in The Lounge.
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lockhart flawse
869 posts
104 months
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OP - my 16 year old son is currently on a 6th form gap year. We took him out of the lower 6th last year because he was messing around and will go back to school in Sept to re-start the Lower 6th year. He will be oldest in the year rather than one of the youngest, more mature and with a better idea of what is required of him if he wants to prosper in the world and more appreciative of his great good fortune (that's the theory anyway!). It took me 3 evenings of discussion with him to get him onside but once he understood and accepted the reasons behind our thinking (ie it wasn't a punishment)he was fine about it and is having a ball on his year out but is also working really hard. We have used the gap year to arrange all sorts of experience and work for him here and abroad. I would suggest:
1)Discuss it privately with the Mrs and agree on an approach you will both stick to. This is ESSENTIAL.
2)Then agree an approach with your son but make sure it is realistic and something he can achieve. If he doesn't really want to do something then it's doomed to failure.
3)Most 16 year old boys are pretty dopey so give him some leeway but he has to get up in the morning.
4)There's no rush - try to get him some real experience somewhere that will help him to grow.
HTH
L.F.
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Animal
3,271 posts
137 months
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What's wrong with "Do it or I'll make you homeless"?
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R300will
3,603 posts
20 months
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definitely need the mother on side or she's just going to undermine you at every turn. Quick kick up her arse and everything should start to proceed as normal.
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lazystudent
1,511 posts
30 months
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Carrot and stick approach, biased towards the stick in an Audi R8-esque way (this is a car forum), where all the drive goes to the stick and the odd little carrot to sweeten the deal a bit. He'll soon get the message
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TwigtheWonderkid
6,046 posts
19 months
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My 16 y/o lad is a bit of a weirdo. Focused, determined, got his life planned out and is working his wotnots off to get there.
About to take 13 GCSEs, hoping for 9 A & A* and the rest in Bs. Will be doing Chemistry, Biology, Maths and English at A level and then, if he achieves 3 A* grades in all bar English, it's on to Med School.
I've no idea where it came from because I'm a bit of a waste of space if I'm honest.
Still, mustn't grumble I suppose.
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captainmatt
419 posts
35 months
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TwigtheWonderkid said: Will be doing Chemistry, Biology, Maths and English at A level and then, if he achieves 3 A* grades in all bar English, it's on to Med School. Jesus, I've only been a med student for a year, have they put the grades up that much already? AAA for Brighton & Sussex Medical School when I applied last year. Still, fair play to him if he gets that. By no means a freak of nature for being that driven, it's more common than people seem to want to let on in teenagers.
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Panda76
1,015 posts
19 months
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Good luck. My sons 12 and already trying to reason with him is like banging your head up a brick wall. As it is being forceful does the trick,never mind the compromise b  ks woman come out of with.Forceful and "you are doing it" is the only way to get things done. Sitting under a duvet at 16 !! No chance ,cup of water over the head,dressed and out of the house job hunting,not allowed to come back until after 5. - Job hunting as in not wasting your time at the employment office,door knocking and asking the hirers.
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AndyT77
1,229 posts
31 months
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lazystudent said: Carrot and stick approach, biased towards the stick in an Audi R8-esque way (this is a car forum), where all the drive goes to the stick and the odd little carrot to sweeten the deal a bit. He'll soon get the message Am i the only one who doesn't get this?
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Don1
8,985 posts
77 months
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The problem you have is answered in the topic. 'Reasoning' and 'Teenagers' don't mix.
My step-son is one year ahead of yours, OP, and just doesn't get it. He's learning very slowly, but at his own pace. Shame - he's ruining his life, and we are powerless to stop it.
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sday12
4,193 posts
80 months
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Panda76 said: Good luck. My sons 12 and already trying to reason with him is like banging your head up a brick wall. As it is being forceful does the trick,never mind the compromise b ks woman come out of with.Forceful and "you are doing it" is the only way to get things done. Sitting under a duvet at 16 !! No chance ,cup of water over the head,dressed and out of the house job hunting,not allowed to come back until after 5. - Job hunting as in not wasting your time at the employment office,door knocking and asking the hirers.
All well and good, but he does hate you.
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lazystudent
1,511 posts
30 months
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AndyT77 said: lazystudent said: Carrot and stick approach, biased towards the stick in an Audi R8-esque way (this is a car forum), where all the drive goes to the stick and the odd little carrot to sweeten the deal a bit. He'll soon get the message Am i the only one who doesn't get this? There's not much to get! Even if I say so myself
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Meoricin
2,316 posts
38 months
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I didn't get a job in between high school and college. I just treated it as a Summer holiday (I suppose I did have a paper-round, but still). Why does he have to? You talk about it as if it's a given, when I'd say the majority of people didn't when I was in college (8 years ago now).
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rogerthefish
Original Poster
835 posts
100 months
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Meoricin said: I didn't get a job in between high school and college. I just treated it as a Summer holiday (I suppose I did have a paper-round, but still). Why does he have to? You talk about it as if it's a given, when I'd say the majority of people didn't when I was in college (8 years ago now). How do you support yourself?
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rb5er
4,559 posts
41 months
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rogerthefish said: Meoricin said: I didn't get a job in between high school and college. I just treated it as a Summer holiday (I suppose I did have a paper-round, but still). Why does he have to? You talk about it as if it's a given, when I'd say the majority of people didn't when I was in college (8 years ago now). How do you support yourself? Mummy and daddy?
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TwigtheWonderkid
6,046 posts
19 months
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captainmatt said: TwigtheWonderkid said: Will be doing Chemistry, Biology, Maths and English at A level and then, if he achieves 3 A* grades in all bar English, it's on to Med School. Jesus, I've only been a med student for a year, have they put the grades up that much already? AAA for Brighton & Sussex Medical School when I applied last year. Still, fair play to him if he gets that. By no means a freak of nature for being that driven, it's more common than people seem to want to let on in teenagers. We were told 3 x A* was required. Plus voluntary work experience in the medical field, so we're trying to sort out some unpaid summer work at the local hospital for this and next summers. I hope he gets there. He certainly deserves it, he's such a grafter. 1 yr in eh? How you finding it?
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