Top man - ta I'll get researching!only reason i ask is my friend lives there.... 6 months negotiable rent offered ("so long as you don't take the p*ss!") and realistically renting would be my only option until all other issues sorted.

The more and more posts that build support the shift it's refreshing to be thinking about something positive for a change. I'm paranoid about hospitals as one more relapse is bone marrow transplant time (scary) - already know from previous experience that my Mrs is a genetic match for Jnr, you'd have thought I would have been too but it doesn't work like that - she was able to give him some of her white cells when things were looking very bleak a couple of years back - was the proudest moment of her life to literally save his. I just hope like hell that she hasn't buggered herself up to a point that she coudn't do it again if needed.

The from 2011 to date has been horrific, shaken my very beliefs to the core - for instance I'd always beleived plod to have integrity - undoubtedly amny do but the one it's been my misfortune to experience - none whatsoever. plod from moment 1 described me as "DP" and her as "DV" (no prizes for decyphering those)what happened to presumption of innocence? and to cap it all I'd misunderstood what constitutes an investigation - assumption gain facts for and against, balance, determine? er no modern plod is I want to charge with X is there enough supporting evidence - job done.

The waiting for matters to progress is killing me (not literally) - panic attacks are disconcerting come out of nowhere seemingly - soon calmed by engaging brain & breathing deep & slow but bloody annoying nonetheless.

My current employers need 3 months notice, law of sod is that I wouldn't be put on garden leave so if all a-ok and decision to go is taken then move would be mid September at the earliest - perfect timing - get the travesty of court out of the way and winter in the frozen north ...

There's one other positive here too on completion of treatment make a wish agreed, exhibiting enormous generosity, to send my boy to Harry Potter world in Orlando for a week - plan was to take him with the Mrs and I - that's seemingly blown but the drawback is that the trip is still on and even with replacement passport I can't get into the US with these charges pending - as soon as they're dealt with we'll go!

Cheers ladies & gents - and I mean that sincerely. My typing is deteriorating badly sure sign I'm kanckered and bed calls. I think I'll keep thread going - I'm not the most prolific of posters but it's cathartic.

But just to contextualise my attitude to the Mrs - I don't have one - am I annoyed - yes intensely, disappointed - certainly but as I've said she wasn't always like this. Self destructive cycle was obvious with the benefit of hindsight. I am by no means perfect - I'm not I'm as flawed as the next man, made a (again with the benefit of hindsight) catastrophic decision that her assurances she was ok were true - when what I should of done was call in as much help as possible and to hell with the consequences.

I'm not looking back as has been suggested - I'm looking forward most definitely but theres not just me to consider (if there were I'd have been headed North last week). I've sir to consider and how actions I may choose will impact him both in the short term and the long.

I live life by simple rules, keep your word and treat others how you would expect to be treated yourself. Old fashioned yes, do I always infallibly keep to it - no I don't but I try. So despite her actions she and I are still man and wife, she's the mother of my child, and we took vows to each other many moons ago that I've never broken (severely tempted recently though!) My supposition she was / is unwell is supported by a huge body of evidence, and thanks to Plod, the lethargy of the CPS and a bit of incompetence added for good measure. I've had no opportunity to communicate to ascertain her position. I still love her ,my and indeed her family don't - which is especially sad, but I won't summarily divorce her without mutual agreement. So there you go my head's now completely gone, quick ciggy in the garden with the dog & off to bed.

Night all!

OP, sounds a VERY similar situation to mine. Funny how without any proof/evidence you can be guilty.. And that two sides to a story lark, still waiting to give my side! Never been arrested/charged/fined or anything of that nature but due to my "Wife" telling a pack of lies to cover her mistakes I have to go to court to get my children back home with me were they used to be til she took them and abandoned them.

You sound like an excellent Dad, if this were me, I would jump at the chance (provided son agrees) Put as much distance as possible, far away from the Mental..

Hope it all works out, good luck

Coping with a depression prone partner is so hard. I really feel for you, but I think you've done everything you can. I really think the only option is to call it quits and go. But in the end only you can make the call and whichever one it is is the right one.

Good luck!

You should obviously discuss the move with your son and, given your summaries thus far, I would guess he will be all in favour of the move. You on the other hand need closure. You hold a torch for your wife, I know exactly how it feels. You mentioned social services were involved last year - Do they still have involvement? I would talk some of this through with them, it maybe in their power to broker a supervised meeting.

If you make the move without gaining closure I fear it may take you a lot longer to settle down as you will still be looking backwards. You need closure to enable you to focus all your attention on getting the most out of the future for you and your son.

I've only read your original post OP, but, it sounds like your son has his head screwed on, at 13, he's realised how un-hinged his mother is & does'nt want anything to do with her, the only thing holding me back would be the hospital, but i'm sure there's top hospitals in Scotland (they are'nt really in the dark-ages).
& if worse comes to it, you can always up-sticks & come back again, chat to the boy, don't put any pressure on him & see what he'd like to do.

I feel for your situation, but if I had this opportunity, I'd be off.

Don't worry about hospitals though. You have Edinburgh Sick Kids Hospital as a dedicated childrens hospital who have a very good reputation and the other Edinburgh hospitals too for when he's older if he ever needs them. I'm a hospital sales rep and have plied my trade in all of them in the past so I get to know a fair bit about individual hospitals. I'd have no concerns for your sons needs as they will be met.

As an Englishman I have a huge soft spot for Scotland, I'd love the opportunity to move there.

Hope this helps.

First of all can I say horrible but also amazing story OP. Horrible to hear all that you have gone through but amazing to hear how you've dealt with it.

I guess for me I have been more like the son in your story. It's probable that my dad is bipolar and the behaviour from that meant he and my mum seperated around when I was 9. I don't really remember much from before (or even a while after) that age. However I do know that the reaction of your son can change depending on the time and what happens with his mother. Some of my brothers and sisters blamed my mum for taking us away, others were very glad to go and blamed my dad. As you said it's very black and white when younger - either completely one or the other parent to blame.

However you also sound like you're dealing with it like my mum. She never critised my dad, and I think that is a very good thing. When older it means you are not blaming someone for something they (in some ways) cannot control. So it is easier to understand the problems were the result of a mental sickness. If you just say how horrible the other person is then it will probably end up completely destroying any relationship he might have with her in future. It may be that she does it herself, but you cannot help that.

I can only imagine how you (and my mum) have dealt with this kind of situation on your own. Must be so hard ending up with things not working out and yet having to be strong for the kid(s) when needed. But try to be strong and talk to him and tell him that mum is sick. It might stop him completely hating her... who knows....

I think the space by going to Scotland could be good for you. It's in a way great to hear you love her still - shows it's the real thing and not just a good feeling thing. But unless she sorts herself out then it's not going to work out. That needs her to change completely - and that needs her to realise she needs to. The only "good" thing is depending how good or bad it is then she will cut friends off and slowly cut down the support she has that says she is "right" - and perhaps then she will realise she needs to do something.

Maybe you've done it before, but perhaps look into what could be wrong (depression, bipolar etc) and talk to her about this. Depending on the person it can help a lot (ok, this is why I'm like this, and it's not my fault in a way) or it can be that the person doesn't want to hear about it. But if she knows then at least you've done what you can. And make sure it's not a "bad" thing that she's depressed/ whatever it is - if it's a proper illness then it cannot be helped, like any physical thing.

Perhaps talk to a pyschologist about it - if they're a good one they could perhaps identify what it is, and also help you deal with things more. In Norway it's very normal to do at different points in life when you need to. It makes more sense to deal with the problems that make you unhappy, rather than spend money on "toys" that make you happy for a short time but don't help long term. But make sure it's a good pyschologist - if they don't help then just change.

Superb all - I'm cursing my retiscence in posting earlier now - actually slept last night which is quite something, as recent experience has seen 3 come around then watch the sun come up or rain hammering in! interspersed with the planes going over...

I've a very long day tomorrow, needing to press a suit and be generally well groomed and at the top of my game - so we'll see!

Had a bonus today in that somehow I paid too much tax last year and HMRC will be sending me just about enough to replace Jnr's TV. It seems unlikely his will be returning so this is a real blessing (as having had to replace loads in the last month I'm absolutely brassic) I'll get a like one online and have delivered to him from his mum. I've "jointly" given most pressies since seperation - before yowls of protest for this. There's method here - bear me out - firstly despite it being seemingly patently obvious she doesn't seem to care about him - no corrs - which she's free to send, no cards for special days (other than to be fair one enclosing £100) for his 12th - that was March last year!! and two postcards, one from a music festival - nothing. So a rather large white lie planned - let him think Mummy had the decency to, if not return, then - probably better, replace his prized TV. The issue of which is the real pressing cloud on his judgement - we can then hold the big discuss. Strictly like for like replacement - I wouldn't want him to be so impressed it skews his judgement the other way!

Also had facinating discuss with my solicitor today - of which more later, got to evict Jnr to walk the dog and get the chores done ;-(

This somewhat hits the nail on the head - up to now I've peretuated the myth she still cares for him - but time running out there, hope is something I don't want to continue to build in him if there is none, best to 'fess up to having played a role and move on. I know he's no idiot and probably realises I'm behind it anyway but for once selfish motives at play - I want him in at least , and indeed preferably,neutral state of mind when we discuss potential move and what to do about his mum (admittedly a draft petition was sent form my solicitors to hers some time ago but at that ime my heart wasn't in it so no further action has been taken and zero apparent feedback /action from the other side either). In essence what I'm setting out for him is a business case (sounds daft in this context) outlining all possible actions, outcomes & consequences.

Anway great chat with solicitor today - if we do go she can't stop it should she try (she would have the right to express a view on Jnr's accomodation and his schooling though), moving to another legal jurisdiction was a concern but as my habitual residence is England any action I take could remain under English law phrases probably all wrong -recall not great, but outcome is right.

I'll see what tomorrow brings!