Most ridiculous/bizarre accusations
Discussion
Not an 'accusation', but having read a few posts featuring 'Police walking up to me', it's reminded me of an incident years ago.
Back when I was about 18 / 19, me and all my mates used to tear around in an irresponsible fashion on motorbikes. Hence, we were all also well used to regular Police interest and interaction, fines, points and bans
One lunchtime, me and a mate were out on our bikes, buzzing about. We ended up parking in a dockside car park in southampton, just to have a break, a chat, and a fag kinda thing.
No sooner had we removed our helmets and sparked up, a Police car entered the car park, and made a beeline over to us. We assumed that we'd been seen doing something that they didn't like, or whatever, and readied ourselves for the usual b
king / nicking etc.
However, this time, the copper gets out, and says 'Hello lads. I know this is a funny question, but are you free for a few hours this afternoon? Only we're putting together an ID parade for a recent crime, and you two fit a similar profile and description to the accused...so anyway it involves standing in a line for a bit, that's all, and we'll pay you too...'
As it happened, we both had to go to Universty lectures later so we couldn't do it....but I would have been interested to have done if I could have. Although, thinking about it after, we weren't told what the crime actually was - and I wondered what might happen if the victim picked me out by mistake!
Back when I was about 18 / 19, me and all my mates used to tear around in an irresponsible fashion on motorbikes. Hence, we were all also well used to regular Police interest and interaction, fines, points and bans
One lunchtime, me and a mate were out on our bikes, buzzing about. We ended up parking in a dockside car park in southampton, just to have a break, a chat, and a fag kinda thing.
No sooner had we removed our helmets and sparked up, a Police car entered the car park, and made a beeline over to us. We assumed that we'd been seen doing something that they didn't like, or whatever, and readied ourselves for the usual b
king / nicking etc.However, this time, the copper gets out, and says 'Hello lads. I know this is a funny question, but are you free for a few hours this afternoon? Only we're putting together an ID parade for a recent crime, and you two fit a similar profile and description to the accused...so anyway it involves standing in a line for a bit, that's all, and we'll pay you too...'
As it happened, we both had to go to Universty lectures later so we couldn't do it....but I would have been interested to have done if I could have. Although, thinking about it after, we weren't told what the crime actually was - and I wondered what might happen if the victim picked me out by mistake!
Ray Luxury-Yacht said:
Although, thinking about it after, we weren't told what the crime actually was - and I wondered what might happen if the victim picked me out by mistake!
I've never done one either, but I'm sure I read somewhere that there are certain assurances given that they know it's not you even if you are picked. JonRB said:
Ray Luxury-Yacht said:
Although, thinking about it after, we weren't told what the crime actually was - and I wondered what might happen if the victim picked me out by mistake!
I've never done one either, but I'm sure I read somewhere that there are certain assurances given that they know it's not you even if you are picked. Everyone has to sit quietly and face straight ahead, nothing can be more difficult than having to keep a straight face if someone farts in the middle of it.
bigrich4 said:
I was 14 or so I think and in an art class at secondary school. The art teacher seemed to dislike me, even though I had never done anything to upset her. Anyhoo, we get separated into pairs and each pair sat at a table with a set of objects to draw, in our case it was an empty wine bottle and a bowl of fruit. Neil, the chap I was paired with, and I crack on with the task and end up with a couple of semi-decent looking pencil drawings (even if I say so myself). The end of the lesson came and the teacher came round to look at what we'd done. She started with Neil's giving him full-on praise of the use of reflections, shading, yadda yadda yadda. She then proceeded to look at mine..... absolutely no praise came from her mouth but in fact a torrent of abuse of how I had copied Neil's drawing! I was a little shocked at this and took a second to assess my situation before I calmly tried to tell her that how could I copy his when in fact we were looking at exactly the same objects. She was having none of it. Neil got an A, I got a C-......
Stupid, ugly, dwarfish,ing bint with moustache, cow of a teacher 
Reminds me of a time that my year 5 English teacher was collecting in homework and said that anyone that hadn't done it had extra homework for next week (fair enough). My friend, Chris, and I had both completed said initial homework so didn't have to do the extra. Next week comes and Chris and I are accused of not completing the initial homework and given a detention for not doing the extra. Even the class geek spoke up and defended us however she was having none of it, when we both produce said homework from our bags we were accused of completing the first homework to avoid having to do the extra (which was easier anyway IIRC) Stupid, ugly, dwarfish,
ing bint with moustache, cow of a teacher Stupid f
king bint we st-for-brained wkwomblelittleowl said:
Pointless phone conversation with a deranged Scottish hag who wouldn't take no for an answer:
Me : Hello?
Numpty : Is that you Nellie?
Me : Sorry, what?
Numpty : Is that you Nellie?
Me : No it isn't. There's no one here called Nellie.
Numpty(getting stroppy) : What time will Nellie be back then?
Me: There is no Nellie here. You must have the wrong number.
<LONG PAUSE>
Numpty : If it's the wrong number, why did you answer?
There was no answer to that. I was still thinking about it by the time she had long since hung up and the sky was turning dark....
I'd like to apologise for that call. I'm 99% sure that was my grandmother. My mum is known as Nellie (due to a younger sibling not beeing able to pronounce her name as a baby) and my grandmother always says "is that you Nellie" when she calls. The last line is typical of her, she's always been good at those kind of one liners for which there is no answer. I would blame her age but she has been the same for the entire 38 years of my life!Me : Hello?
Numpty : Is that you Nellie?
Me : Sorry, what?
Numpty : Is that you Nellie?
Me : No it isn't. There's no one here called Nellie.
Numpty(getting stroppy) : What time will Nellie be back then?
Me: There is no Nellie here. You must have the wrong number.
<LONG PAUSE>
Numpty : If it's the wrong number, why did you answer?
There was no answer to that. I was still thinking about it by the time she had long since hung up and the sky was turning dark....
When I was a student I was a 'private chaffeur'. You could hire a student to drive you around all day in your own car. It all was great, I was driving BMW 5-series and Audi A6s regularly and I was getting paid quite well for doing what I like. But some of the customers were complete ass hats. One new to me customer accused me of denting his car wich I'd never driven before. He didn't give me an adress to go to before hand and said he'd give the directions but then got a phone call and stopped giving directions. When I asked him to he'd say to me to shut up and keep going straight ahead. I did... and then I was accused of getting us lost. All day long he was cranky bd. Needless to say when I got a call later on in the week if I wanted to drive for him again, I told the lady from the office that I would never drive for him again. "Oh, to bad. He specifically asked for you and said you have been his best driver so far". When I told her why, she said that I wasn't the first driver to complain...
Another false accusation was when I was at a McDonalds restaurant (sorry, I know, needed a quick bite). I had parked next to the disabled bays. A lady came walking out and went completely ballistic when she saw me parking at my chosen spot. She went red in the face and even started shouting that I was a for parking in that bay and she demanded to see my blue badge. I was baffled and pointed out that allthough the two parking spaces next to my car were indeed for the disabled, mine was a perfectly normal parking space. Her husband was left standing with a big grin on his face while she stormed off... I suspect he was in for a might bking for not 'backing her up' 
d. Needless to say when I got a call later on in the week if I wanted to drive for him again, I told the lady from the office that I would never drive for him again. "Oh, to bad. He specifically asked for you and said you have been his best driver so far". When I told her why, she said that I wasn't the first driver to complain...Another false accusation was when I was at a McDonalds restaurant (sorry, I know, needed a quick bite). I had parked next to the disabled bays. A lady came walking out and went completely ballistic when she saw me parking at my chosen spot. She went red in the face and even started shouting that I was a
for parking in that bay and she demanded to see my blue badge. I was baffled and pointed out that allthough the two parking spaces next to my car were indeed for the disabled, mine was a perfectly normal parking space. Her husband was left standing with a big grin on his face while she stormed off... I suspect he was in for a might bking for not 'backing her up' That has reminded me of one. I parked in the station car park, as I do most days, in my normal spot. My parking season ticket fell off the windscreen (swapping it around my cars meant the holder would peel off of its own accord in the sun).
I get a ticket, which I ignore (private car park and I have a valid season ticket). They demands get ever more strident so I thought I'd be polite and let them know that thye should stop wasting their time.
I phone their lawyers, Sue, Grabbit and Runne, and say, "Terribly sorry old chap but you are wasting your time"
"Send me a copy of your parking permit"
"Er, your client has my records, if you check with them I have a valid permit"
"I don't believe you"
"I have the details here - permit number XXX, valid until YYYY"
"It doesn't make any difference, we will still pursue you"
"I beg your pardon?"
"You were parked in a disabled bay"
"Sorry?"
"You were parked in a disabled bay, so we will continue to pursue this claim vigorously."
"I really hope that you do because I wasn't and I know that you therefore have zero evidence that I did. I will really enjoy my day in court."
I never heard from them again.
Idiots.
I get a ticket, which I ignore (private car park and I have a valid season ticket). They demands get ever more strident so I thought I'd be polite and let them know that thye should stop wasting their time.
I phone their lawyers, Sue, Grabbit and Runne, and say, "Terribly sorry old chap but you are wasting your time"
"Send me a copy of your parking permit"
"Er, your client has my records, if you check with them I have a valid permit"
"I don't believe you"
"I have the details here - permit number XXX, valid until YYYY"
"It doesn't make any difference, we will still pursue you"
"I beg your pardon?"
"You were parked in a disabled bay"
"Sorry?"
"You were parked in a disabled bay, so we will continue to pursue this claim vigorously."
"I really hope that you do because I wasn't and I know that you therefore have zero evidence that I did. I will really enjoy my day in court."
I never heard from them again.
Idiots.
Justayellowbadge said:
OH got very sniffy with me when she discovered me cheating with one of her friends.
I say discovered, it was actually 'dreamt'.
There was an entire episode of Friends where Phoebe is equally sniffy with Ross, even after it is finally established towards the end of the episode that she dreamt it. I can't remember how it ended but I think Ross had to end up apologising anyway. I say discovered, it was actually 'dreamt'.
JonRB said:
There was an entire episode of Friends where Phoebe is equally sniffy with Ross, even after it is finally established towards the end of the episode that she dreamt it. I can't remember how it ended but I think Ross had to end up apologising anyway.
If you were Ross, wouldn't you apologise at every opportunity? JonRB said:
Justayellowbadge said:
OH got very sniffy with me when she discovered me cheating with one of her friends.
I say discovered, it was actually 'dreamt'.
There was an entire episode of Friends where Phoebe is equally sniffy with Ross, even after it is finally established towards the end of the episode that she dreamt it. I can't remember how it ended but I think Ross had to end up apologising anyway. I say discovered, it was actually 'dreamt'.
t mental girl. When I was about 16/17 I was out on the lash in town with my mate. I drank a large amount of alcohol and didn't feel too great.. My friend suggested we grab some food from a kebab shop so we went there to grab some chips. Afew a few handfuls I really didn't feel that great so went outside to be sick. As I was chucking my guts up on the pavement outside my hand was on the kebab shop window that had a massive crack in from where someone had previously thrown something at it.
As I was recovering a woman walked past and accused me of breaking the window. I tried to explain that it was not me but she would not have any of it. I told her that it would be impossible to break a double glazed window with the flat of my hand and if I did break it I would be injured and would have blood everywhere but she wanted to argue. Even the kebab shop staff were laughing and people inside. She then started calling me a tramp etc so I just got fed up and told her to do one - went into a tirade of abuse at her and make her nearly start crying. By this time my friend come out and got me a taxi home.
Makes me feel bad thinking about it :/
As I was recovering a woman walked past and accused me of breaking the window. I tried to explain that it was not me but she would not have any of it. I told her that it would be impossible to break a double glazed window with the flat of my hand and if I did break it I would be injured and would have blood everywhere but she wanted to argue. Even the kebab shop staff were laughing and people inside. She then started calling me a tramp etc so I just got fed up and told her to do one - went into a tirade of abuse at her and make her nearly start crying. By this time my friend come out and got me a taxi home.
Makes me feel bad thinking about it :/
Funny how so many remember the ones from school. I guess the first time you feel injustice really sticks with you.
Had a slightly mental teacher who was always accusing me of causing trouble and cheating if I did well at anything. This was in primary school and I think she really dented my confidence. A few years later a friend did work experience at the school and the same teacher ended up yelling at her infront of the class for doing something. She mentioned this to the head teacher in passing at the end of the day and they were so shocked they ended up firing her.
Once I chucked a can I had finished with in the bin in a corridor and 2 mins later had the caretaker come and find me to accuse me of littering. He had seen me do it on cctv and went to find me. I said 'but it went in the bin' he argued back 'but you wouldn't have picked it up if you had missed'
One teacher accused me and someone else of dealing drugs in class because I handed him something in what she considered a 'secretive manner'
Outside of school I was once accused of smashing a bus stop. I was sitting at the stop waiting for a bus, the glass was smashed and looked like it had been like that since the night before. I poked a bit that was dangling precariously in the frame in mild curiosity at shattered glass. About a minute later a car screeched up and a woman jumped out and started yelling at me.
'You just smashed that'
'No I didn't, it was like that when we got here'
'I saw you do it as I drove past'
'No you didn't, what did you see me do it with?'
'I saw you punch it'
'I don't think you can punch through toughened glass with your bare hands'
'I don't care, I know what I saw and I have called the police'
We both stared at her for a few seconds until she got in her car and stormed off, a few minutes later the bus arrived so we hopped on it and drove into town. I wanted the police to arrive so I could see how it panned out.
Once while walking down a road with some traffic a motorcyclist roared past and pulled up about 50 yards ahead. As I caught up he raised his visor and leaned over to talk to me.
'If you try anything like that again I will break your fking legs'
'Sorry what?'
'Don't try and be funny, If you do that to me again you're a dead man'
'sure, got it'
To this day I have absolutely no idea what he thought I had done, whether it was mistaken identity or he thought I threw something or what.
Had a slightly mental teacher who was always accusing me of causing trouble and cheating if I did well at anything. This was in primary school and I think she really dented my confidence. A few years later a friend did work experience at the school and the same teacher ended up yelling at her infront of the class for doing something. She mentioned this to the head teacher in passing at the end of the day and they were so shocked they ended up firing her.
Once I chucked a can I had finished with in the bin in a corridor and 2 mins later had the caretaker come and find me to accuse me of littering. He had seen me do it on cctv and went to find me. I said 'but it went in the bin' he argued back 'but you wouldn't have picked it up if you had missed'
One teacher accused me and someone else of dealing drugs in class because I handed him something in what she considered a 'secretive manner'
Outside of school I was once accused of smashing a bus stop. I was sitting at the stop waiting for a bus, the glass was smashed and looked like it had been like that since the night before. I poked a bit that was dangling precariously in the frame in mild curiosity at shattered glass. About a minute later a car screeched up and a woman jumped out and started yelling at me.
'You just smashed that'
'No I didn't, it was like that when we got here'
'I saw you do it as I drove past'
'No you didn't, what did you see me do it with?'
'I saw you punch it'
'I don't think you can punch through toughened glass with your bare hands'
'I don't care, I know what I saw and I have called the police'
We both stared at her for a few seconds until she got in her car and stormed off, a few minutes later the bus arrived so we hopped on it and drove into town. I wanted the police to arrive so I could see how it panned out.
Once while walking down a road with some traffic a motorcyclist roared past and pulled up about 50 yards ahead. As I caught up he raised his visor and leaned over to talk to me.
'If you try anything like that again I will break your f
king legs''Sorry what?'
'Don't try and be funny, If you do that to me again you're a dead man'
'sure, got it'
To this day I have absolutely no idea what he thought I had done, whether it was mistaken identity or he thought I threw something or what.
One that happened to my mate a while back.
We drove down to the local indian takeaway. He was driving.
At this particular establishment, there were 10 or so car parking spaces, next to a long driveway that went to the carpark at the back for the local Chinese restaurant.
He parked in one of the spaces and we went to order our food.
While waiting, some oldish woman came storming in and shouted at my mate to "move your f**king car you selfish c**t" or something along those lines! Obviously he and I were both confused. She carried on with her tirade for a minute and once she ran out of steam a bit and started making more sense, it transpired that she had parked in the back car park, and my mate was blocking her in.
We looked outside, and there was some car parked there, but was not ours or anything to do with us.
Even after he explained this and blipped his alarm to show the alarm on his car, she still barely backed down and called him a wker as she was storming out
This was sadly before video was widely available on phones - would have made a killer youtube clip!
We drove down to the local indian takeaway. He was driving.
At this particular establishment, there were 10 or so car parking spaces, next to a long driveway that went to the carpark at the back for the local Chinese restaurant.
He parked in one of the spaces and we went to order our food.
While waiting, some oldish woman came storming in and shouted at my mate to "move your f**king car you selfish c**t" or something along those lines! Obviously he and I were both confused. She carried on with her tirade for a minute and once she ran out of steam a bit and started making more sense, it transpired that she had parked in the back car park, and my mate was blocking her in.
We looked outside, and there was some car parked there, but was not ours or anything to do with us.
Even after he explained this and blipped his alarm to show the alarm on his car, she still barely backed down and called him a w
ker as she was storming out This was sadly before video was widely available on phones - would have made a killer youtube clip!
Sadly some people find it a little difficult to back down, even in the face of clear stupidity on their part!Just found this.. Havn't read all 24 pages yet but I had to share mine..
About 10 years ago I worked at the local Halfords and one day a woman stormed onto the shop floor irate with anger claiming that we (Halfords) had been abusing her son! The manager came out and had a chat with the crazed woman in his office.. About 5 minutes later the woman came out of the office with her tail between her legs.
As you would, we all ran to the office to see what was going on. The poor woman had been sewn a yarn by her lazy teenage son.. The son was meant to be on a work experience week away from school at the time and he had told his mother this was at Halfords (This was not the case). He had got out of bed the first few days of the week and said he was going to work experience at Halfords, left the house and killed time all day before coming home and telling his mum all about his work experience day! Anyway Thursday came along and he wasnt in the mood to get out of bed that morning so had told his mother he didnt want to go and do his work experience at Halfords anymore as the staff were bullying and abusing him.. Now this was the lead up to his mum coming in to see us!
Our manager had obviously made it clear to the woman that we did not know her son, currently had no one on work experience with us and wern't too fond of her accusations.. Needless to say later that afternoon the woman came back in with her son and made him apologise for his lies infront of all of us!
The moral of the story... Only Ferris Bueler can get away with that kind of stuff!
About 10 years ago I worked at the local Halfords and one day a woman stormed onto the shop floor irate with anger claiming that we (Halfords) had been abusing her son! The manager came out and had a chat with the crazed woman in his office.. About 5 minutes later the woman came out of the office with her tail between her legs.
As you would, we all ran to the office to see what was going on. The poor woman had been sewn a yarn by her lazy teenage son.. The son was meant to be on a work experience week away from school at the time and he had told his mother this was at Halfords (This was not the case). He had got out of bed the first few days of the week and said he was going to work experience at Halfords, left the house and killed time all day before coming home and telling his mum all about his work experience day! Anyway Thursday came along and he wasnt in the mood to get out of bed that morning so had told his mother he didnt want to go and do his work experience at Halfords anymore as the staff were bullying and abusing him.. Now this was the lead up to his mum coming in to see us!
Our manager had obviously made it clear to the woman that we did not know her son, currently had no one on work experience with us and wern't too fond of her accusations.. Needless to say later that afternoon the woman came back in with her son and made him apologise for his lies infront of all of us!
The moral of the story... Only Ferris Bueler can get away with that kind of stuff!
poing said:
littleowl said:
Pointless phone conversation with a deranged Scottish hag who wouldn't take no for an answer:
Me : Hello?
Numpty : Is that you Nellie?
Me : Sorry, what?
Numpty : Is that you Nellie?
Me : No it isn't. There's no one here called Nellie.
Numpty(getting stroppy) : What time will Nellie be back then?
Me: There is no Nellie here. You must have the wrong number.
<LONG PAUSE>
Numpty : If it's the wrong number, why did you answer?
There was no answer to that. I was still thinking about it by the time she had long since hung up and the sky was turning dark....
I'd like to apologise for that call. I'm 99% sure that was my grandmother. My mum is known as Nellie (due to a younger sibling not beeing able to pronounce her name as a baby) and my grandmother always says "is that you Nellie" when she calls. The last line is typical of her, she's always been good at those kind of one liners for which there is no answer. I would blame her age but she has been the same for the entire 38 years of my life!Me : Hello?
Numpty : Is that you Nellie?
Me : Sorry, what?
Numpty : Is that you Nellie?
Me : No it isn't. There's no one here called Nellie.
Numpty(getting stroppy) : What time will Nellie be back then?
Me: There is no Nellie here. You must have the wrong number.
<LONG PAUSE>
Numpty : If it's the wrong number, why did you answer?
There was no answer to that. I was still thinking about it by the time she had long since hung up and the sky was turning dark....
When I was 18 I was one of five resident staff in a hotel and responsible for one of the safe keys when not on duty. After a shift one evening the temp chef and night porter came to my room with a bottle of lager for me (not unusual). That was the last thing I remember and I woke up went to work the next day a bit dazed to then find myself in front of the police being questioned, my room searched, finger prints and shoe prints taken. Turns out they spiked me took my key and robbed the hotel of quite a few grand. I eventully was cleared and the chef arrested but the hotel still dismissed me instantly only a week or so later for no reason, they thought I was in on it still. Didn't harm my career though I had three job offers all within a week, all with a safe key
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