On the anniversary of the day that a loved one died...

On the anniversary of the day that a loved one died...

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Dixie68

3,091 posts

186 months

Saturday 30th June 2012
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KaraK said:
I honestly struggle to remember the date my dad died. I don't mean that I know the date and it just passes me by - I actually couldn't tell you the date without looking it up, my brain simply doesn't want to retain that bit of information.
It's not odd, I do exactly the same. I'd rather not remember the dates I lost loved ones - I'll never forget the dates when I celebrated with them, such as birthdays. In fact I tend to get annoyed if someone reminds me, "it was x years today that so-and-so died", because that's not what I want to dwell on.

Waynester

6,323 posts

249 months

Saturday 30th June 2012
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I lost my dad 18 months ago. He was only 58.
Myself & 2 sisters were with him, holding his hands, until the end.

When it came to leaving the hospital, I went back to my dads curtained cubicle, with everyone else having left, it was just my dad & me.
I gave him one last hug & kissed his forehead. He looked as if he was asleep, which I found difficult to understand...I wanted him to wake so much. frown

As for remembering the date, I did not, but my sisters reminded me. My memory is useless.
I prefer to look back at all the great memories we had with each other.

Your mum is clearly suffering & mourning deeply. Try not take to heart, but be there for her.

A song my dad used to like was Nizlopi, I now cannot hear that song without getting emotional. frown

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DQDnFTtr2UQ&fea...


Keep positive & supportive for your mum. Give her time.


Drclarke

1,183 posts

172 months

Saturday 30th June 2012
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It's quite common for people not be consciously aware of the day of a loved ones passing, unlike days that hold happy memories such as birthdays, wedding anniversarys the brain can quite easily block out the bad ones.

Riley Blue

20,879 posts

225 months

Saturday 30th June 2012
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In a way, those who can remeber are fortunate. My Mum died in the early hours of Boxing Day 2010 aged 93 with just me and my O/H at her hospital bedside. My Dad, aged 92, was grief stricken at the time but he has dementia and now thinks Mum died about ten years ago and that she died in his arms. He hardly mentions her and when he does it's with no sign of sorrow or regret. He can't help it, it's just the way the poor chap is but it sometimes makes it difficult for the rest of us.

James P

2,950 posts

236 months

Saturday 30th June 2012
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Zippee said:
That said, 2nd June this year at 18:40 pm I raised a G&T to my Dad who died that moment last year. Though I chose to do this provately and wouldn't dream of caring about how others dealt with it or saw me.
His birthday though I pop to the memorial gardens and have a private chat about whats been happening etc.
Same here. 9.45pm 21st April is my time for sombre reflection. Try to keep on the happy times apart from that. I do go along to the cemetery for chats when I want to talk things through - when he was alive he was there as a sounding board and it just seems to help sometimes.

doogz said:
I always make a point of giving my Mum a call on Dad's birthday, and the anniversary of the day he died, but we don't really talk about it. We both know why I'm calling her, but what are you supposed to say?
I'm not great at those phone calls, like you I find it hard to find what to say. Luckily Mum is local so I make a point of going to see her on his birthday, their anniversary and the same for grandma's anniversaries. We don't say much but we both know why I'm there.


James P

2,950 posts

236 months

Saturday 30th June 2012
quotequote all
Zippee said:
That said, 2nd June this year at 18:40 pm I raised a G&T to my Dad who died that moment last year. Though I chose to do this provately and wouldn't dream of caring about how others dealt with it or saw me.
His birthday though I pop to the memorial gardens and have a private chat about whats been happening etc.
Same here. 9.45pm 21st April is my time for sombre reflection. Try to keep on the happy times apart from that. I do go along to the cemetery for chats when I want to talk things through - when he was alive he was there as a sounding board and it just seems to help sometimes.

doogz said:
I always make a point of giving my Mum a call on Dad's birthday, and the anniversary of the day he died, but we don't really talk about it. We both know why I'm calling her, but what are you supposed to say?
I'm not great at those phone calls, like you I find it hard to find what to say. Luckily Mum is local so I make a point of going to see her on his birthday, their anniversary and the same for grandma's anniversaries. We don't say much but we both know why I'm there.