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Mr Pies
5,647 posts
56 months
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Dump her.
After reading your post carefully I can deduce that she's definitely cheating on you.
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lazygraduand
1,512 posts
30 months
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Mr Pies said: Dump her.
After reading your post carefully I can deduce that she's definitely cheating on you. Well, this is the lounge... 
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Tonberry
1,339 posts
61 months
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bigandclever said: So to recap... your GF of 4 years she wants to move back oop North, where she doesn't have a job, to move back in with her Dad, who lives in such a rough area you can't have your car, and one of her siblings has just had a kid? You, my hard rocking amigo, are f ked. I've highlighted the salient points. Are you thinking clearly OP? She'll dump you at the drop of a hat when it all goes tits up eventually.
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Ikemi
Original Poster
6,041 posts
74 months
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Thanks for all the advice so far  To answer a few questions ... sleep envy said: Find somewhere to rent first, if it doesn't work out then you can move back to your current house. This is probably the most sensible idea. The only problem is, if I don't like being up North and want to move back, I then need to find a job that pays enough to cover the mortgage, bills and other day-to-day necessities. From what I've seen of the job market so far, it's not great out there and salaries seem to be dropping due to the vast amount of applicants willing to do jobs for less! Anthony Micallef said: Another major factor was that neither of us owned a house and prices were a lot cheaper ooop North! (Bought a 4 bedrrom terraced house in the end for £82k)Thirdly my father in law to be wasnt very well so that was a factor.
I do miss being close to my family and also all that London has to offer in terms of things to do. I love where I lve now as you cant beat the countryside and the genuinely friendly people but I think Id still move back given the chance. Cheers! Yeah, the cost of housing up North is a plus point. Some of houses that are obtainable for the price of our flat are stunning. However as someone else says ... TinyCappo said: because once you move up you wont be able to move down without putting in a huge load more capital or having a much smaller house. ... we won't have enough cash to buy a house down South if we ever decide move back, which I doubt we would. Essentially, it's a move for life. Anthony Micallef said: I love where I lve now as you cant beat the countryside and the genuinely friendly people but I think Id still move back given the chance. Right ...66comanche said: ETA - how old are you? IMO friends drift a bit and get less important as you get older, once people get to mid/late 20's, early 30's they're too hooked up in their own families. Seeing family, well it sounds like you can do that every few months which would be fine for me, some people see their family every day, everyones different. I see my parents every other week or so, but that's probably due to the fact that I only live 4 miles away, so they're within easy reach. I'd probably want to see them more if there was a larger distance between us. I'm an only child too, so my parents will probably be upset to see me go. I'm 26. Famous Graham said: Can you work remotely? Or for part of the week? (stay in a b&b Mon-Wed) My job wouldn't allow it at the moment ... Do you mean find a job where I work from home? ali_kat said: Move 1/2 way? Thought about that too ... Looked at Shropshire ... but then we'd both be without friends/family and both moving to an area blind. I'm also the only one that drives, although trains aren't out of the question. Cotty said: Stay, break up. But then im a heartless git. Thanks Cotty
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andyjo1982
4,162 posts
79 months
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Maxymillion said: Because they will f k you over in the end and then you'll realise you're somewhere you're not actually very keen on......with the reason for being there.....gone. Finding it hard to get this sentence out of my head. I'm in a slightly similar position to the OP, me and the missus have had our ups and downs. I guess you've been in this position Maxy?
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Maxymillion
452 posts
93 months
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andyjo1982 said: Finding it hard to get this sentence out of my head. I'm in a slightly similar position to the OP, me and the missus have had our ups and downs. I guess you've been in this position Maxy? A good buddy of mine of is going through it as we type. Horrible. Its long distance too, so not only do you feel awful because the person you loved has done a number on you, but you are also away from your, and I dont really like using this phrase but f k it, 'support network', so you feel isolated, without anyone to turn to. Don't move for a woman, especially during times like these where a stable, secure 'job for life' is right there for the O.P. Think of how many people in the U.K., nay the whole of Europe would give their right arm for one of those right now....
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Bill
26,460 posts
124 months
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It's either a test or she's trying to dump you (This is the lounge...). More seriously this is worse than marriage IMO. She's asking you to give up a secure job and your friends for her. You have to decide what will make you more unhappy, living without her or living up north 
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Famous Graham
26,537 posts
94 months
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Ikemi said: Famous Graham said: Can you work remotely? Or for part of the week? (stay in a b&b Mon-Wed) My job wouldn't allow it at the moment ... Do you mean find a job where I work from home? I meant your current one. That seems like the biggest hurdle - the security you have with it right now.
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Ray Luxury-Yacht
6,385 posts
85 months
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I moved from the South Coast to Norfolk for a girl.
Was ok for me, as I worked 4 nights a week in London. The drive to work from my house in the South was 70 miles each way, from Norfolk 100 miles.
However, leaving my house at about 19:30 got me to work at 21:00 easy - the roads into the city from Norfolk (A11, M11, A12, A13) are all pretty empty and mostly dual carriageway until I got to London dockside.
Anyway, I love the countryside and more rural living, and Norfolk was great for me, I loved it very much, and still do.
Alas, the relationship didn't work out 3 years later, so I moved back down South to my Mums, as I'd sold my flat to buy the Norfolk house. However, I kept the Norfolk house too, and still rent it out successfully.
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TinyCappo
1,395 posts
22 months
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But were not talking about the land of the rising turnip here were talking about giving up a good Job and lifestyle in bristol for the north! Personally i wouldn't. As your in bristol there are plenty more pretty ladies about.
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Ikemi
Original Poster
6,041 posts
74 months
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TinyCappo said: But were not talking about the land of the rising turnip here were talking about giving up a good Job and lifestyle in bristol for the north! Personally i wouldn't. As your in bristol there are plenty more pretty ladies about. I live in South Bucks ... I think someone else who commented earlier in this thread lives in Bristol, but the same applies
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AJS-
10,016 posts
105 months
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Getting her pregnant first puts you in a much stronger bargaining position.
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dmulally
2,773 posts
49 months
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If you love her, move. Simple.
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Carthage
2,975 posts
13 months
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If you have to ask, you shouldn't do it.
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TinyCappo
1,395 posts
22 months
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Ikemi said: I live in South Bucks ... I think someone else who commented earlier in this thread lives in Bristol, but the same applies Reading?....God no! run for the hills! :P
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Ikemi
Original Poster
6,041 posts
74 months
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TinyCappo said: Ikemi said: I live in South Bucks ... I think someone else who commented earlier in this thread lives in Bristol, but the same applies Reading?....God no! run for the hills! :P That's Berkshire 
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TinyCappo
1,395 posts
22 months
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 Either way don't move its a passing phase. She has seen her family come together over the new child and feels left out as she is miles away. If she still feels the same in 6 months time then think about reconsidering.
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TameRacingDriver
8,248 posts
141 months
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I wouldn't. It's obvious that being close to her family is more important than being close to you. Depends how much you like your life where you are now.
If it was me, in my present situation, I wouldn't, that's all I'm saying. However, if I loved my OH more and liked where I lived less and the people in it, I might change my mind. Only you can answer.
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Isaac Hunt
6,775 posts
80 months
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Carthage said: If you have to ask, you shouldn't do it. Exactly this. Fifty or sixty miles isn't too bad - but 230 miles is a long way from your friends and family. Plus giving up your job is a big risk in the current economic climate. You might find another job, but you would be on probation and if the economy tightens even more then you will be the first in the firing line. Here is a suggestion:- Let her move back, she can come and visit you when she is on holiday and you can take it in turns to visit at weekends. If your relationship can survive long distance and you still really miss her after three or four months, then have a think about re-locating.
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T350 Al
530 posts
60 months
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OP; don't underestimate the pressure that a move like that can put on a relationship, especially where it is 'biased' to one person ie: closer to her family and friends From my experience, I was moving 500 miles south for a job and asked my GF of the time to move with me after only a short time together. We both left our families behind and were embarking on the unknown (to us). Invariably, the move came with its ups and downs and we split up about a year or so later. I think we both gave some strong consideration to moving back home after the split. To be fair to the ex-GF, she stuck with it down here and has made a good life for herself so it can't have been all bad! I stuck with it too and it was the best move I ever made; I met my wife here too! Only you know if it's the right move for you, but make sure you're moving for all the right reasons. Any doubts or resentments will eat away and damage the relationship over time. Best of luck OP!
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