Has anyone used a private detective?

[A bit down]

Adenauer said:

Thanks.

Nice.

Thanks again for all the good wishes.

[ShyTallKnight]

Great to hear this ABD and many thanks as always for the update written in such a heartfelt manner

[Ozone]

kcrimson said:

Hi ABD
I have been following this thread as it unfolded.
After all you have been through I am really glad that things are on the up for you.
Made my day it has!!!!

+1

[hondafreek]

Fantastic news mate. Really please you've come out the otherside better for it.

I admire your willpower to tell your ex "No". That won't have been easy.

Hats off to you

[Beefmeister]

MissChief said:

All good news. Looks like you'll be alight mate.

Nope, that was Emsman.




(whatever happened to him anyway?)

[rehab71]

Great to get an update

[Stedman]

The latest update was great to read!

[elvismiggell]

Great to hear ABD, glad things are going so well.

A bit down said:

• **Mumsnet alert - alpha males please stop reading now (not that you'd be reading this thread anyway....)****

One interesting point (for me at least) that might be of help to other people in the same position who are struggling to see light at the end of the tunnel; it's amazing how much people can put up with in a bad relationship and no matter how strong you think you are, you do get worn down and your self esteem takes a hit - even if you don't realise it at the time. I'm a very resilient character but I was surprised by how much of an emotional uplift it was to find out that there are people out there who find me attractive and/or interesting. I know this is just feeding the ego stuff (and believe me I'm nothing special) but after many years of not feeling loved/cared for/appreciated I really can't over-emphasise how great it feels when someone smart/funny/attractive actually wants to spend time with you just because they like you. Perhaps this is just another step on this interesting journey and it will wear off but it's making me feel pretty damn good at the moment . I hope the prospect of this feeling makes someone else feel better somewhere because it's worth it.

This doesn't just apply to relationships. I actually had this experience with an employer. I didn't even realise how badly my former company treated me, and how much my confidence had been hurt until a few months in at my current company. And by God does it feel good to be appreciated!

[Jasandjules]

Beefmeister said:

Nope, that was Emsman.




(whatever happened to him anyway?)

:ROFL:

ABD, fantastic news and glad you are sticking to your guns and not falling for the emotional stuff.

[br d]

Another great update ABD.

[Actus Reus]

So, 3 months have passed.

When's the wedding?

[acf8181]

elvismiggell said:

This doesn't just apply to relationships. I actually had this experience with an employer. I didn't even realise how badly my former company treated me, and how much my confidence had been hurt until a few months in at my current company. And by God does it feel good to be appreciated!

Not meaning to thread hijack....but thats so so true!

[MissChief]

Actus Reus said:

So, 3 months have passed.

When's the wedding?

And can we all come?

[DaveL485]

MissChief said:

Actus Reus said:

So, 3 months have passed.

When's the wedding?

And can we all come?

...and punch you in the face

(in a nice way)

[A bit down]

Thanks for checking in, and no need for anyone's face to be punched . I can't believe it's been nearly two years since this all kicked off.

There's not much to update really - I'm still seeing the person I was just getting comfortable with last time. It's pretty casual, we only really see each other at the weekend and occasionally during the week. I suspect she would like things to move on a bit from this but I don't think I would and it's all I really have time for anyway. We get on well and enjoy each others company and it's working for me at the moment. I'm making up for lost time in the intimacy stakes too .

The kids are doing well and I'm spending a lot of time with them, plus I'm very busy at work.

Given the circumstances I think things have played out about as well as they could have for me. I'm enjoying life and keeping a good balance - I'm certainly much happier overall than I have been for a long time.

X seems to be getting on with her life too, although I fully expect things to become more difficult when I ask for a divorce in the new year - we'll see.

I hope everyone in a similar boat is doing OK.

[jules_s]

Good on you

I thought the Divorce was a given and was started already?

[A bit down]

Divorce is a given from my side but X has hinted that she doesn't want one. We do have a financial arrangement and custody agreement but I do expect one last bout of odd behaviour from her when it becomes "real".

[Rosscow]

I sat down and read this thread for the first time pretty much from beginning to end the other day.

What a journey you've been on OP, and I think you should be very proud with how you have conducted yourself throughout the last 2 years.

Well done and good luck for the future.

[ShyTallKnight]

A bit down said:

Thanks for checking in, and no need for anyone's face to be punched . I can't believe it's been nearly two years since this all kicked off.

There's not much to update really - I'm still seeing the person I was just getting comfortable with last time. It's pretty casual, we only really see each other at the weekend and occasionally during the week. I suspect she would like things to move on a bit from this but I don't think I would and it's all I really have time for anyway. We get on well and enjoy each others company and it's working for me at the moment. I'm making up for lost time in the intimacy stakes too .

The kids are doing well and I'm spending a lot of time with them, plus I'm very busy at work.

Given the circumstances I think things have played out about as well as they could have for me. I'm enjoying life and keeping a good balance - I'm certainly much happier overall than I have been for a long time.

X seems to be getting on with her life too, although I fully expect things to become more difficult when I ask for a divorce in the new year - we'll see.

I hope everyone in a similar boat is doing OK.

Thanks for the update ABD and almost word for word how the situation is for me at present. Good luck with the big 'D'. I'm pressing that button in the next few weeks as the ex now wants equity from the house to buy her own place. We'll see how that goes down when I speak to her this weekend..!!

[A bit down]

Thanks for the comments.

X claims the child benefit.

Good luck all!