Has anyone used a private detective?
Discussion
Excellent to hear 
It's funny. When I started this thread, I was in a happy relationship, with 2 amazing kids.
3 and a half years later, I'm now separated with my very own "C"
. My relationship with my kids is better than ever too, which is by far the most gratifying feeling a man could feel.
You wouldn't believe how many times I have been going through s
tty situations, dealing with childish, petulant and downright insane behaviour from the ex and every time my mind somehow threw me to this thread. Where I could use your experience to deal with it the best I could. It proved invaluable and a credit to you sir.
Keep us updated. As I'm sure there are plenty of us who could use the advice at some point or another.
Personal thanks from me, ABD and all the best for the future!
It's funny. When I started this thread, I was in a happy relationship, with 2 amazing kids.
3 and a half years later, I'm now separated with my very own "C"
. My relationship with my kids is better than ever too, which is by far the most gratifying feeling a man could feel. You wouldn't believe how many times I have been going through s
tty situations, dealing with childish, petulant and downright insane behaviour from the ex and every time my mind somehow threw me to this thread. Where I could use your experience to deal with it the best I could. It proved invaluable and a credit to you sir. Keep us updated. As I'm sure there are plenty of us who could use the advice at some point or another.
Personal thanks from me, ABD and all the best for the future!
This has been a fantastic journey.
Thank you for sharing. You will give hope to people who find themselves in the very dark place that you were in at the beginning.
I wanted to say something at the beginning, but I don't really have the ability to express the emotions that I felt at the time.
I'm very pleased that things are turning out so well. I'm also pleased that you have been able to learn to trust women again.
Thank you for sharing. You will give hope to people who find themselves in the very dark place that you were in at the beginning.
I wanted to say something at the beginning, but I don't really have the ability to express the emotions that I felt at the time.
I'm very pleased that things are turning out so well. I'm also pleased that you have been able to learn to trust women again.
Afternoon, thanks for asking.
It's been more than a year since my last update - time really flies, it's getting on for five years now since I started to have my suspicions.
In general, things are great. I'm still with C and we're getting on brilliantly - we've had the odd bicker but nothing even vaguely serious and after getting on for 18 months I think I'd know whether it was all an act from her - I've long since stopped worrying about that. We've been on several holidays together and have another one booked for later in the year and we see each other 3-4 times a week (we stay over at each others' houses very often but we don't live together - no plans there at the moment and we're both happy as is, we'll see what happens). I still look forward to seeing her every time, she regularly sends me thoughtful messages or does nice things for me and she's very tactile and affectionate (this is interesting as I'm sure a lot of people at the start of this process will recognise the feeling of being completely taken for granted and not cared about at all) and I think we're really well suited. My daughter in particular hero worships her :-). Her family are lovely people too.
The children are settled now, school is going well and they have friends, hobbies and interests and they are great kids (almost both teenagers now!). My relationship with them is still brilliant (not without its occasional challenges!) and we're off to Florida at half term. Their relationship with their mother is a bit more difficult, they sometimes call me in tears as she's shouted at them over something trivial but they have also come to their own conclusions that "she's just a drama queen" and "she always has to make it about her" - those are their words, I've never said anything bad about their mum in front of them nor will I.
X has moved house to a fairly rough area to be nearer to boyfriend number 5 I think it is, he's more or less moved in with his dog as his house is apparently "in need of repair". This is about my only area of concern now - half the week the kids are in a rough place with an unknown man in the house. No problems so far in the first few months but I'm keeping an eye on things from a distance. When it became clear he is spending nearly all his time there I asked to meet him but that's been well and truly avoided so far. The kids would both like to live with me full time but I still think they need to spend some time with their mum. She's working full time now and the erratic behaviour (at least towards me or anything to do with me) has more or less stopped - we're still not divorced as she doesn't want to but in November I'll be doing it anyway at five years separated.
One thing I have noticed is that I still haven't really re-engaged with work. I've changed jobs a couple of times over the last few years, largely because I get bored quickly or I have less tolerance for stupid behaviour or organisational politics. I'm lucky in as much as I have a good network and a reasonable track record in my industry so it's never a problem to find another job but I'll have to keep an eye on this - I'd much rather be at home doing something with the kids or C than in the office, sometimes to the detriment of my profile and reputation at work.
In summary, life is really good for me - my time takes a lot of managing and there is always a lot to do but I'm healthy, have great kids, a partner who cares about me, good friends and a career that (within reason) affords me decent balance. There's not a lot to complain about.
I do follow some of the other similar threads and I've been in touch with some of the other posters but I don't often post as I haven't got much to add to what's in this thread, what I've already posted elsewhere and what others have suggested. There's nothing special about me and I hope that if I can come out the other side of this then others certainly can too.
Thanks again for enquiring after me and keep chins up everyone, there is light at the end of the tunnel.
It's been more than a year since my last update - time really flies, it's getting on for five years now since I started to have my suspicions.
In general, things are great. I'm still with C and we're getting on brilliantly - we've had the odd bicker but nothing even vaguely serious and after getting on for 18 months I think I'd know whether it was all an act from her - I've long since stopped worrying about that. We've been on several holidays together and have another one booked for later in the year and we see each other 3-4 times a week (we stay over at each others' houses very often but we don't live together - no plans there at the moment and we're both happy as is, we'll see what happens). I still look forward to seeing her every time, she regularly sends me thoughtful messages or does nice things for me and she's very tactile and affectionate (this is interesting as I'm sure a lot of people at the start of this process will recognise the feeling of being completely taken for granted and not cared about at all) and I think we're really well suited. My daughter in particular hero worships her :-). Her family are lovely people too.
The children are settled now, school is going well and they have friends, hobbies and interests and they are great kids (almost both teenagers now!). My relationship with them is still brilliant (not without its occasional challenges!) and we're off to Florida at half term. Their relationship with their mother is a bit more difficult, they sometimes call me in tears as she's shouted at them over something trivial but they have also come to their own conclusions that "she's just a drama queen" and "she always has to make it about her" - those are their words, I've never said anything bad about their mum in front of them nor will I.
X has moved house to a fairly rough area to be nearer to boyfriend number 5 I think it is, he's more or less moved in with his dog as his house is apparently "in need of repair". This is about my only area of concern now - half the week the kids are in a rough place with an unknown man in the house. No problems so far in the first few months but I'm keeping an eye on things from a distance. When it became clear he is spending nearly all his time there I asked to meet him but that's been well and truly avoided so far. The kids would both like to live with me full time but I still think they need to spend some time with their mum. She's working full time now and the erratic behaviour (at least towards me or anything to do with me) has more or less stopped - we're still not divorced as she doesn't want to but in November I'll be doing it anyway at five years separated.
One thing I have noticed is that I still haven't really re-engaged with work. I've changed jobs a couple of times over the last few years, largely because I get bored quickly or I have less tolerance for stupid behaviour or organisational politics. I'm lucky in as much as I have a good network and a reasonable track record in my industry so it's never a problem to find another job but I'll have to keep an eye on this - I'd much rather be at home doing something with the kids or C than in the office, sometimes to the detriment of my profile and reputation at work.
In summary, life is really good for me - my time takes a lot of managing and there is always a lot to do but I'm healthy, have great kids, a partner who cares about me, good friends and a career that (within reason) affords me decent balance. There's not a lot to complain about.
I do follow some of the other similar threads and I've been in touch with some of the other posters but I don't often post as I haven't got much to add to what's in this thread, what I've already posted elsewhere and what others have suggested. There's nothing special about me and I hope that if I can come out the other side of this then others certainly can too.
Thanks again for enquiring after me and keep chins up everyone, there is light at the end of the tunnel.
briangriffin said:
Great update and glad you're doing ok.
Out of interest do you think that X has seen that the grass isn't always greener or is does she still think she's made a good choice in what she did originally?
Thank you. I've just spent a couple of hours going back through the thread and I'd forgotten a lot of what happened so it's good to know that it's captured somewhere. I can definitely remember how low I got at times though, and I don't miss those feelings at all. The support from PH was phenomenal and I'll always be grateful.Out of interest do you think that X has seen that the grass isn't always greener or is does she still think she's made a good choice in what she did originally?
X has tried several times for a reconciliation but I made it clear I wasn't interested and the subject hasn't come up for a long time. I may have written this before but I don't particularly think she suddenly realised how fabulous I am, just that she began to understand how hard life can be and she didn't like it.
Someone wrote earlier in the thread that I would look back and thank her for her behaviour as she was doing me a favour in bringing things to a head. She was, and I'm infinitely happier now. I don't think she found whatever she was looking for but I'm glad that's no longer my problem. I now get love and affection by the bucket load, and it's great
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