Has anyone used a private detective?
Discussion
A lot perkier said:
I do follow some of the other similar threads and I've been in touch with some of the other posters but I don't often post as I haven't got much to add to what's in this thread, what I've already posted elsewhere and what others have suggested. There's nothing special about me and I hope that if I can come out the other side of this then others certainly can too.
.
You may think theres nothing special about you but the way in which you have handled this and written down your thoughts is somewhat inspiring and to be commended. It is not that surprising given the way you communicate that you are quite successful professionally also..
Well done.
kiethton said:
Brilliant update, sounds like you're doing great 
Coincidentally this popped up on my Facebook, looks like it's not gone the normal/stereotypical way either which is a result:
hahaha funny! Although not funny for those in the situation!Coincidentally this popped up on my Facebook, looks like it's not gone the normal/stereotypical way either which is a result:
On a different note great update from the OP - good news glad things are going good for you
kiethton said:
Brilliant update, sounds like you're doing great
Coincidentally this popped up on my Facebook, looks like it's not gone the normal/stereotypical way either which is a result:
Genuinely made me laugh like a small child. Coincidentally this popped up on my Facebook, looks like it's not gone the normal/stereotypical way either which is a result:
That was my marriage in a nutshell.
God bless the internet. Never fails to deliver.
What did I do today?
I woke up around 8am. Found this thread by accident....
Read until lunchtime - went for a beer and a ploughman's.
Came home and at 9.13pm have just finished it.
What a story... what a journey. I have no sympathy for X whatsoever - she couldn't even be honest about taking a week's holiday with a boyfriend, even had to lie about that.
I wonder when the children are older, if they'll ever be told how their mother behaved?
A good outcome for Down/Perky/OP - but a tortuous journey. I wish him every bit of luck and hope that things with C work out.
I woke up around 8am. Found this thread by accident....
Read until lunchtime - went for a beer and a ploughman's.
Came home and at 9.13pm have just finished it.
What a story... what a journey. I have no sympathy for X whatsoever - she couldn't even be honest about taking a week's holiday with a boyfriend, even had to lie about that.
I wonder when the children are older, if they'll ever be told how their mother behaved?
A good outcome for Down/Perky/OP - but a tortuous journey. I wish him every bit of luck and hope that things with C work out.
^oops, sorry 
Thanks for asking how things are going, sorry for late response but I don't log in as much any more. I can't believe how fast time goes - the bulk of this stuff was 6 years ago...
In summary, life is grand. I'm still with C and it's a fantastic relationship - full of mutual respect, care and attraction. Feeling loved and valued on a daily basis is wonderful. She gets on brilliantly with the kids too. We're off for some sun in a couple of weeks and I can't wait.
I settled down into a new job and it's going very well - I've got the flexibility I need and can earn what I need to after a couple of slight mis-steps with other roles.
The children are doing well, they still spend half the week with me and I take them on a couple of holidays a year. We're very close and I love spending time with them - they are turning into great people.
I still speak to X occasionally in relation to children stuff and apart from her leaving the kids by themselves when she goes on days and nights out (less of an issue now that they are older and I'm still nearby) there isn't much craziness (at least that affects me). Otherwise I don't really know (or care) what she's up to.
I still look after myself and I'm in decent shape/health which I think is important when it comes to facing life's challenges. It took me a long time to realise that you can look after everyone else a lot better if you make the effort to look after yourself.
I'm sure I've said it before on this thread but I hope my tale helps others out - I was at an absolute low point for a long time but now I don't really remember a lot of the bad times and I'm really happy. If it can work for me then it can work for anyone.
Best wishes to everyone else on the journey - keep your chin up!
Thanks for asking how things are going, sorry for late response but I don't log in as much any more. I can't believe how fast time goes - the bulk of this stuff was 6 years ago...
In summary, life is grand. I'm still with C and it's a fantastic relationship - full of mutual respect, care and attraction. Feeling loved and valued on a daily basis is wonderful. She gets on brilliantly with the kids too. We're off for some sun in a couple of weeks and I can't wait.
I settled down into a new job and it's going very well - I've got the flexibility I need and can earn what I need to after a couple of slight mis-steps with other roles.
The children are doing well, they still spend half the week with me and I take them on a couple of holidays a year. We're very close and I love spending time with them - they are turning into great people.
I still speak to X occasionally in relation to children stuff and apart from her leaving the kids by themselves when she goes on days and nights out (less of an issue now that they are older and I'm still nearby) there isn't much craziness (at least that affects me). Otherwise I don't really know (or care) what she's up to.
I still look after myself and I'm in decent shape/health which I think is important when it comes to facing life's challenges. It took me a long time to realise that you can look after everyone else a lot better if you make the effort to look after yourself.
I'm sure I've said it before on this thread but I hope my tale helps others out - I was at an absolute low point for a long time but now I don't really remember a lot of the bad times and I'm really happy. If it can work for me then it can work for anyone.
Best wishes to everyone else on the journey - keep your chin up!
A lot perkier said:
^oops, sorry
Thanks for asking how things are going, sorry for late response but I don't log in as much any more. I can't believe how fast time goes - the bulk of this stuff was 6 years ago...
In summary, life is grand. I'm still with C and it's a fantastic relationship - full of mutual respect, care and attraction. Feeling loved and valued on a daily basis is wonderful. She gets on brilliantly with the kids too. We're off for some sun in a couple of weeks and I can't wait.
I settled down into a new job and it's going very well - I've got the flexibility I need and can earn what I need to after a couple of slight mis-steps with other roles.
The children are doing well, they still spend half the week with me and I take them on a couple of holidays a year. We're very close and I love spending time with them - they are turning into great people.
I still speak to X occasionally in relation to children stuff and apart from her leaving the kids by themselves when she goes on days and nights out (less of an issue now that they are older and I'm still nearby) there isn't much craziness (at least that affects me). Otherwise I don't really know (or care) what she's up to.
I still look after myself and I'm in decent shape/health which I think is important when it comes to facing life's challenges. It took me a long time to realise that you can look after everyone else a lot better if you make the effort to look after yourself.
I'm sure I've said it before on this thread but I hope my tale helps others out - I was at an absolute low point for a long time but now I don't really remember a lot of the bad times and I'm really happy. If it can work for me then it can work for anyone.
Best wishes to everyone else on the journey - keep your chin up!
That's excellent to read, thanks for the update!Thanks for asking how things are going, sorry for late response but I don't log in as much any more. I can't believe how fast time goes - the bulk of this stuff was 6 years ago...
In summary, life is grand. I'm still with C and it's a fantastic relationship - full of mutual respect, care and attraction. Feeling loved and valued on a daily basis is wonderful. She gets on brilliantly with the kids too. We're off for some sun in a couple of weeks and I can't wait.
I settled down into a new job and it's going very well - I've got the flexibility I need and can earn what I need to after a couple of slight mis-steps with other roles.
The children are doing well, they still spend half the week with me and I take them on a couple of holidays a year. We're very close and I love spending time with them - they are turning into great people.
I still speak to X occasionally in relation to children stuff and apart from her leaving the kids by themselves when she goes on days and nights out (less of an issue now that they are older and I'm still nearby) there isn't much craziness (at least that affects me). Otherwise I don't really know (or care) what she's up to.
I still look after myself and I'm in decent shape/health which I think is important when it comes to facing life's challenges. It took me a long time to realise that you can look after everyone else a lot better if you make the effort to look after yourself.
I'm sure I've said it before on this thread but I hope my tale helps others out - I was at an absolute low point for a long time but now I don't really remember a lot of the bad times and I'm really happy. If it can work for me then it can work for anyone.
Best wishes to everyone else on the journey - keep your chin up!
Totally agree I think this thread should be the first people read when in similar situations just so they know that there absolutely is a light at the end of the tunnel.
A lot perkier said:
^oops, sorry
Thanks for asking how things are going, sorry for late response but I don't log in as much any more. I can't believe how fast time goes - the bulk of this stuff was 6 years ago...
In summary, life is grand. I'm still with C and it's a fantastic relationship - full of mutual respect, care and attraction. Feeling loved and valued on a daily basis is wonderful. She gets on brilliantly with the kids too. We're off for some sun in a couple of weeks and I can't wait.
I settled down into a new job and it's going very well - I've got the flexibility I need and can earn what I need to after a couple of slight mis-steps with other roles.
The children are doing well, they still spend half the week with me and I take them on a couple of holidays a year. We're very close and I love spending time with them - they are turning into great people.
I still speak to X occasionally in relation to children stuff and apart from her leaving the kids by themselves when she goes on days and nights out (less of an issue now that they are older and I'm still nearby) there isn't much craziness (at least that affects me). Otherwise I don't really know (or care) what she's up to.
I still look after myself and I'm in decent shape/health which I think is important when it comes to facing life's challenges. It took me a long time to realise that you can look after everyone else a lot better if you make the effort to look after yourself.
I'm sure I've said it before on this thread but I hope my tale helps others out - I was at an absolute low point for a long time but now I don't really remember a lot of the bad times and I'm really happy. If it can work for me then it can work for anyone.
Best wishes to everyone else on the journey - keep your chin up!
Great to read your update, ALP, I wish you continued good health, wealth and happiness. Thanks for asking how things are going, sorry for late response but I don't log in as much any more. I can't believe how fast time goes - the bulk of this stuff was 6 years ago...
In summary, life is grand. I'm still with C and it's a fantastic relationship - full of mutual respect, care and attraction. Feeling loved and valued on a daily basis is wonderful. She gets on brilliantly with the kids too. We're off for some sun in a couple of weeks and I can't wait.
I settled down into a new job and it's going very well - I've got the flexibility I need and can earn what I need to after a couple of slight mis-steps with other roles.
The children are doing well, they still spend half the week with me and I take them on a couple of holidays a year. We're very close and I love spending time with them - they are turning into great people.
I still speak to X occasionally in relation to children stuff and apart from her leaving the kids by themselves when she goes on days and nights out (less of an issue now that they are older and I'm still nearby) there isn't much craziness (at least that affects me). Otherwise I don't really know (or care) what she's up to.
I still look after myself and I'm in decent shape/health which I think is important when it comes to facing life's challenges. It took me a long time to realise that you can look after everyone else a lot better if you make the effort to look after yourself.
I'm sure I've said it before on this thread but I hope my tale helps others out - I was at an absolute low point for a long time but now I don't really remember a lot of the bad times and I'm really happy. If it can work for me then it can work for anyone.
Best wishes to everyone else on the journey - keep your chin up!
stewies_minion said:
kiethton said:
Brilliant update, sounds like you're doing great
Coincidentally this popped up on my Facebook, looks like it's not gone the normal/stereotypical way either which is a result:
Genuinely made me laugh like a small child. Coincidentally this popped up on my Facebook, looks like it's not gone the normal/stereotypical way either which is a result:
That was my marriage in a nutshell.
God bless the internet. Never fails to deliver.
k ensued.A lot perkier said:
In summary, life is grand. I'm still with C and it's a fantastic relationship - full of mutual respect, care and attraction. Feeling loved and valued on a daily basis is wonderful. She gets on brilliantly with the kids too. We're off for some sun in a couple of weeks and I can't wait.
This paragraph should be in the Cliffs Notes for this thread.I read through all 130 odd pages and there were moments I wished I had skipped to the end to know how things worked out before resuming where I left off. An emotionally turbulent read on a wet, windy Sunday afternoon.
To echo all the others, nothing but admiration for how you came through an emotionally wrenching situation, with all that you had to suffer, without ending up bitter and full of bile. The above paragraph is testament to that.
A lot perkier said:
Forgot to mention this - it's part way through. Application has been made and accepted, application for Nisi made and just awaiting that. No real issue on that and it's proceeding ok.
I'd not seen this thread, but having now looked at the original posts it's great to hear that you're well and truly back on your feet.The only thing I would say is to make sure you wrap up your financial affairs with a Consent Order sealed by the divorce court confirming a full and final settlement and dismissing all other claims.
It sounds as though you're doing well, and if you don't do this your ex could come back with a financial claim in years to come.
Of course if you're using a solicitor they will have covered this anyway, but the reason I mention it is that a lot of people are doing their own divorces and many of them don't realise the importance of this as nobody tells them.
MikeDrop said:
ALP (formerly ABD - Hope you and yours have had a lovely Christmas! (Well, 2 now since you last updated!)
I missed this completely but thank you - and to you!Can't believe it's been two years since I updated :-).
This may be my last post but eight years on things are very different from when I started this thread and I'm posting now in the hope that anyone starting out where I did will be able to see light at the end of the tunnel.
I'll try to be brief :-). C and I are still together and the relationship is as strong as ever. I consider myself very lucky to have found her and we're coming up to 5 years together now. A little while ago we bought a lovely house together and so far it's working out brilliantly. I'd forgotten what it's like when you don't have to do everything yourself and it's taken me a little while to get used to not feeling guilty for not emptying the dishwasher or something (I do my turns too!).
The kids have been great too - although they both had a challenging year with covid and both missed important exams they've both secured the next stage they needed. My daughter is off to her first choice uni this coming week (although for how long we'll see based on lockdown) and although I'll miss her like mad, she's grown into a fantastic, mature, balanced young woman and I'm massively proud of her.
My son knuckled down and got into the sixth form college he wanted to and is just setting off on that journey and he's a really great kid too (I may be biased :-)). Their resilience throughout all this has amazed me although the new setup has now been the norm for almost as long as the previous one so they are well and truly settled in.
I've continued to try and look after myself, I exercise regularly and try to watch what I eat - the other half keeps me honest on that as she's great at it so I just try to keep up.
X has settled down too. I think she probably has some regrets but she seems to have learned to live with them and she generally behaves normally now when I interact with her (which isn't very often).
There have of course been some challenges over the last few years but having got through what felt like the darkest of times, I now know I've (we've) got the resilience to cope with more or less anything. I think that's true for most people if they can believe there is an end to the hard times so to anyone going through it - you can definitely make it out the other side and don't be afraid to ask for help if you need it. Just looking at the kindness shown in this thread towards me should be testament to that.
Who knows what the future holds but that's where we are as of today. Once more, a huge thanks to PH for allowing this thread and to everyone who contributed. This can be a great community at times like this and I've been trying to give back where I can.
TL;DR - things were bad and now they're great. Keep your chin up.
Look after yourselves everyone.
ALP
Really great to see you've updated the thread, ALP, thanks for doing so. 
I've chipped in a few times and mentioned my story too, which has similarities to yours. My lads are about to start their second year at Uni amid all this COVID stuff and they've found dealing with it okay. The way you have put your kids first in all that you do should now be repaid by your kids growing up as rounded, grounded citizens & the stuff that happened before will soon sink deep into the past & hopefully not resurface.
Wishing you well for the future.
I've chipped in a few times and mentioned my story too, which has similarities to yours. My lads are about to start their second year at Uni amid all this COVID stuff and they've found dealing with it okay. The way you have put your kids first in all that you do should now be repaid by your kids growing up as rounded, grounded citizens & the stuff that happened before will soon sink deep into the past & hopefully not resurface.
Wishing you well for the future.
Great update OP and found your postings of great help when going through similar (STK here - new username)
My kids are also doing well eldest lad working for the civil service which is ok but not his vocation so has applied to the RAF. Daughter just started her A-levels at 6th Form.
I also met someone new and we have a 9 month old little girl together - starting over in my mid to late 40's was somewhat daunting but my new little one has been a breath of fresh air for all of us and so happy.
Anyway, thanks for dropping in and updating your thread
My kids are also doing well eldest lad working for the civil service which is ok but not his vocation so has applied to the RAF. Daughter just started her A-levels at 6th Form.
I also met someone new and we have a 9 month old little girl together - starting over in my mid to late 40's was somewhat daunting but my new little one has been a breath of fresh air for all of us and so happy.
Anyway, thanks for dropping in and updating your thread
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