Has anyone used a private detective?

[A bit down]

Mobile Chicane said:

I'd say the service station 'parking ticket' were evidence enough.

Such places often have hotels attached, right?

Sorry to hear this, btw.

Thanks for the kind words. I have just looked and indeed there is a cheap and cheerful hotel at the services.

Edit - the children are 11 and 8. They have been quite sheltered in their upbringing and are not really emotionally mature enough to process or input to this.

I'm quite touched by the support here, thank you all. I fully expected the first reply to ask for pictures of my wife.

Edited by A bit down on Thursday 16th August 21:59

[Gargamel]

Can't help on the PI front, but the separate holiday would be a deal breaker for me. I can see you committed as you have done seen years of little or no action for this woman.

Clearly you love her, but it is time to feel the fear and act, you can no longer ignore this.

Given your situation, I would o for conclusive proof, whether that is a PI or a Small investment in a bugging device

[Zwolf]

Who really spends more than two hours at a service station (other than people who work there) though?

Also, the holiday to Turkey with her friend - how many pics of her and this friend have appeared on her (or her friend's) Facebook profile? I'll wager very few and if any are on there, there either won't be any people in them or they'll all be of just her...

Sorry to dissect your post/life OP, I'm sure you've already been down this mental avenue already.

[GTIR]

bigandclever said:

I believe there is at least one PI on PH.

No st Sherlock.

I'd say out of the 500,000 registered users on PH there's more than one.

It's like saying, "I bet there's at least one botanist on PH".

[A bit down]

Zwolf said:

Who really spends more than two hours at a service station (other than people who work there) though?

Also, the holiday to Turkey with her friend - how many pics of her and this friend have appeared on her (or her friend's) Facebook profile? I'll wager very few and if any are on there, there either won't be any people in them or they'll all be of just her...

Sorry to dissect your post/life OP, I'm sure you've already been down this mental avenue already.

I'm sure she would say she met a friend at the services and left her car there for convenience while they went for food/shopping.

I'm not on facebook (although my wife is) so wouldn't know. I certainly haven't been shown any pictures of the trip.

The friend in question is an utter moron. I can't for the life of me understand why my wife associates with her.

No problem re the dissection, I did post on here after all and I appreciate both the sound perspectives and the catharsis.

[hidetheelephants]

It does sound like she's already left mentally; if you need confirmation you don't really need a PI as the hardware to do the secret squirrel bit is built into most phones these days. A wade through phone bills and credit card/bank statements will turn up a pattern if there's one to be found.

[Mobile Chicane]

TwigtheWonderkid said:

Mobile Chicane said:

I'd say the service station 'parking ticket' were evidence enough.

Such places often have hotels attached, right?

Sorry to hear this, btw.

If I ever find myself in court, I hope you aren't on the jury.

You haven't got a clue, and neither have I. The difference is, I'm not trying to look clever by pretending I know!

Don't be obtuse.

Why would anyone park for 2+ hours at a service station unless they were either:

- a long-distance lorry driver
- a hooker servicing the same
- suffering from food poisoning and in dire need of the bogs
- or having an affair and needing the services of the cheapo lodge?

If you were meeting a friend in town, you'd park in town.

[A bit down]

I have just realised that my wife goes to meet the same "friend" at the same time each week and I have the kids to myself during that period. Now that I know where the services is, it's got to be worth dropping the kids at my mum's and paying the services a visit at that time next week.....

Anyway, I'm pretty emotional and it's been a very long day so I'm going to bed. I really appreciate all the responses, please keep perspectives/ideas coming and I'll have another look tomorrow.

[Black can man]

You never had sex with your wife for seven years , wtf dude !

Good luck OP but it sounds pretty grim to me

[randlemarcus]

On the plus side, you can probably tell her that the parking charge notice is fairly unenforceable

Your story is pretty much identical to mine, with the exception of the adultery bit ( makes me feel better to think she was, but it's quite unlikely).

If she thinks it's over, it is, regardless of your opinion, especially if she has the helpful advice of the coven to listen to.

Start making preparations to become separate, and prioritise the financial. Salary not to joint accounts, savings secured, joint & several loans minimised, or better still put in her name etc etc. When you are asked to leave, be prepared to do so, but not to a damp ridden bedsit round the corner. Make a break so she changes her own blown lightbulbs.

The children will understand, and will appreciate two happy parents more than two arguing sulky bu99ers. Trust me on this. Put them first, talk to them, love them, and never ever slag her off. That's what PH is for

[Eliser]

Last place to post your problems is on here - we're only on here to pass judgement on others

Spice up your life fella - there are so many ways to up your relationship, what did you have that was so initially exciting? - don't give up - TRY and don't inhabit the Slough of despond

[bucksmanuk]

"She's not speaking to her parents at the moment as they more or less accused her of having an affair."

As above - this is the most telling comment of all. If they got on well with her beforehand, then they have heard via the grapevine what’s going on...
I would think it’s not going to be good news from here on in. Brace yourself and start protecting your finances.
Lets hope it isn't though....

[AyBee]

A bit down said:

I have just realised that my wife goes to meet the same "friend" at the same time each week and I have the kids to myself during that period. Now that I know where the services is, it's got to be worth dropping the kids at my mum's and paying the services a visit at that time next week.....

Anyway, I'm pretty emotional and it's been a very long day so I'm going to bed. I really appreciate all the responses, please keep perspectives/ideas coming and I'll have another look tomorrow.

Hire car/borrowed car and your parents over before she goes out is possibly a better bet (with you working late or some other such), you then get to follow rather than guess where she might be with the bonus of pretending to be a PI

[Zwolf]

A bit down said:

I'm sure she would say she met a friend at the services and left her car there for convenience while they went for food/shopping.

Women do not meet each other at services for the horrendously overpriced culinary and shopping delights on offer. If they live a fair distance apart, they usually take turns at meeting in their own towns or pick a neutral one for a change of scene. Driving to services, leaving one car, going off shopping and returning to collect the car is unlikely in the extreme and I think you know that, however much you would like to think otherwise.

People are generally simple and inherently lazy creatures, so Occam's Razor applies and in this instance, there is a more plausible alternative scenario.

A bit down said:

I certainly haven't been shown any pictures of the trip.

Another loud alarm bell. The first thing my wife would do is bore me to tears with pics, I'd be concerned indeed if she didn't spend hours and hours telling me all about it and what she got up to upon her return. I'm sure you have a friend you trust who is linked with her via FB and would show you her page. If no evidence at all is there of the trip, that's all I'd need to reach my own conclusion and doubt she ever left the country. Passport stamps too, but with a UK passport, they'd possibly not get stamped anyway, so that's not reliable.

A bit down said:

The friend in question is an utter moron. I can't for the life of me understand why my wife associates with her.

Perhaps said friend knows what's going on and is her confidante, however dense - she can keep her trap shut. Women always have at least one person that they share the stuff they can't or won't share with their partner, especially when said stuff is about their partner/relationship.

[slippery]

A bit down said:

I have just realised that my wife goes to meet the same "friend" at the same time each week and I have the kids to myself during that period. Now that I know where the services is, it's got to be worth dropping the kids at my mum's and paying the services a visit at that time next week.....

Anyway, I'm pretty emotional and it's been a very long day so I'm going to bed. I really appreciate all the responses, please keep perspectives/ideas coming and I'll have another look tomorrow.

Best of luck. Don't do anything to put you the wrong side of the law if your worst fears are confirmed. You gave her the chance to come clean and she denied it, so if she is still seeing someone, she doesn't deserve someone as sound as you appear to be and you deserve better.

[Art0ir]

This all sounds a bit familiar.. whatever you do don't start buying drugs from the quirky kid next door with the video camera.

[hidetheelephants]

Art0ir said:

This all sounds a bit familiar.. whatever you do don't start buying drugs from the quirky kid next door with the video camera.

To the OP; do you look a bit like Kevin Spacey?

[bigandclever]

GTIR said:

bigandclever said:

I believe there is at least one PI on PH.

No st Sherlock.

I'd say out of the 500,000 registered users on PH there's more than one.

It's like saying, "I bet there's at least one botanist on PH".

Well done you, 10 internet points.

Now, bearing in mind the post is titled "Has anyone used a private detective?", I figured it might be useful to point out to the OP that, firstly, there are other PHers who do this professionally and, secondly, by PM link to the other PH poster(s) who said they were. So I tried to find them, on their behalf. What, the fk, have you done to help, eh?

[Eliser]

bigandclever said:

Well done you, 10 internet points.

Now, bearing in mind the post is titled "Has anyone used a private detective?", I figured it might be useful to point out to the OP that, firstly, there are other PHers who do this professionally and, secondly, by PM link to the other PH poster(s) who said they were. So I tried to find them, on their behalf. What, the fk, have you done to help, eh?

That is a very fair point and fairly put...

[skeneo]

To enter Turkey you require an entry visa of £10 english pounds which is applied to your passport with a sticker and immigrations stamp on entry/exit. If you have access to her passport check for these. If not there, alarm bells must ring!