Has anyone used a private detective?
Discussion
Eliser said:
bigandclever said:
Well done you, 10 internet points.
Now, bearing in mind the post is titled "Has anyone used a private detective?", I figured it might be useful to point out to the OP that, firstly, there are other PHers who do this professionally and, secondly, by PM link to the other PH poster(s) who said they were. So I tried to find them, on their behalf. What, the f
k, have you done to help, eh?
That is a very fair point and fairly put...Now, bearing in mind the post is titled "Has anyone used a private detective?", I figured it might be useful to point out to the OP that, firstly, there are other PHers who do this professionally and, secondly, by PM link to the other PH poster(s) who said they were. So I tried to find them, on their behalf. What, the f
k, have you done to help, eh?Well done BAC (can I call you that?)
Anyhoo, OP pm me and I can reccommend a PI.
How's that then BAC you big drama queen?
GTIR said:
Eliser said:
bigandclever said:
Well done you, 10 internet points.
Now, bearing in mind the post is titled "Has anyone used a private detective?", I figured it might be useful to point out to the OP that, firstly, there are other PHers who do this professionally and, secondly, by PM link to the other PH poster(s) who said they were. So I tried to find them, on their behalf. What, the fk, have you done to help, eh?
That is a very fair point and fairly put...Now, bearing in mind the post is titled "Has anyone used a private detective?", I figured it might be useful to point out to the OP that, firstly, there are other PHers who do this professionally and, secondly, by PM link to the other PH poster(s) who said they were. So I tried to find them, on their behalf. What, the f
k, have you done to help, eh?Well done BAC (can I call you that?)
Anyhoo, OP pm me and I can reccommend a PI.
Where's Jane?
That is a very unfair point and I am also reporting you to the PH spelling police for your poor spelling
Where's Jane?
How's that then BAC you big drama queen?
My 2p...
She is having an affair. You now just need the proof, or at least you say you do. A voice activated recorder under the seat is a good one, as is a cheap PAYG mobile with GPS tracking. Using a PD could be done, but why go to the expense if you can DIY?
This is going to get very painful, and what you need to do is work out how you want it to pan out - ateotd your relationship is, sadly, over whether you like it or not: if she was serious about keeping it going she'd have been on holiday with you, not her mate. so you need to talk to a lawyer pronto and see if there is any possible way that you can get custody of the kids and the house, as she is the one who has wrecked the relationship.
Sorry!
She is having an affair. You now just need the proof, or at least you say you do. A voice activated recorder under the seat is a good one, as is a cheap PAYG mobile with GPS tracking. Using a PD could be done, but why go to the expense if you can DIY?
This is going to get very painful, and what you need to do is work out how you want it to pan out - ateotd your relationship is, sadly, over whether you like it or not: if she was serious about keeping it going she'd have been on holiday with you, not her mate. so you need to talk to a lawyer pronto and see if there is any possible way that you can get custody of the kids and the house, as she is the one who has wrecked the relationship.
Sorry!
mondeoman said:
...you need to talk to a lawyer pronto and see if there is any possible way that you can get custody of the kids and the house, as she is the one who has wrecked the relationship.
Surely that is unlikely though, OP is probably looking at moving out + paying rent on a roof over his own head while still paying the mortgage on the family home, seeing the kids 2 or 3 times a week and perhaps eventually being subjected to stories from the kids about how great their mum's new boyfriend is. A horrible horrible situation to be in, never experienced it myself and never want to, would destory me if I had to live apart from my daughter.
You have my sympathy OP.
OP. Don't know where you're based, I'm in Manchester.
If you are planing a visit to that service station, & don't want to to use your car, I'll very happily give you a lift anytime.
I'm sure another PHer in a different area would be willing to do the same.
My parents spit up when I was 11. I can honestly say, it didn't particularly bother me in the long run. They did stay friends, which helped.
Hope this works out the best it can.
If you are planing a visit to that service station, & don't want to to use your car, I'll very happily give you a lift anytime.
I'm sure another PHer in a different area would be willing to do the same.
My parents spit up when I was 11. I can honestly say, it didn't particularly bother me in the long run. They did stay friends, which helped.
Hope this works out the best it can.
mondeoman said:
My 2p...
She is having an affair. You now just need the proof, or at least you say you do. A voice activated recorder under the seat is a good one, as is a cheap PAYG mobile with GPS tracking. Using a PD could be done, but why go to the expense if you can DIY?
This is going to get very painful, and what you need to do is work out how you want it to pan out - ateotd your relationship is, sadly, over whether you like it or not: if she was serious about keeping it going she'd have been on holiday with you, not her mate. so you need to talk to a lawyer pronto and see if there is any possible way that you can get custody of the kids and the house, as she is the one who has wrecked the relationship.
Sorry!
Doesn't sound to me much like she's thinking about the kids here at all unfortunately (big well done to the OP for putting them first!), otherwise, she'd have been on holiday as a family, not galivanting with a friend and leaving her kids to go on holiday alone with daddy!She is having an affair. You now just need the proof, or at least you say you do. A voice activated recorder under the seat is a good one, as is a cheap PAYG mobile with GPS tracking. Using a PD could be done, but why go to the expense if you can DIY?
This is going to get very painful, and what you need to do is work out how you want it to pan out - ateotd your relationship is, sadly, over whether you like it or not: if she was serious about keeping it going she'd have been on holiday with you, not her mate. so you need to talk to a lawyer pronto and see if there is any possible way that you can get custody of the kids and the house, as she is the one who has wrecked the relationship.
Sorry!
OP you sound like a great father. So looking at things another way you should perhaps consider them. It looks like things are over for her the way things are going.
If you take your pride out of the equation (impossible I know) what does it matter to you if she is seeing someone? She already admitted she isn't in love with you anymore and has asked for a separation. Think about what confronting her in the servo carpark will achieve.
Pros: Confirmation that you were right.
Cons: Things will get nasty. Quickly.
What is better for the children in that situation?
The children are young now and I'm sure they adore their dad who takes them on cool holidays. Your wife is going through a mid life crisis and by not agreeing to a trial separation and accusing her of cheating you are probably making things worse for her even though your intentions are good. Would you like it if someone held a gun to your head and forced you to stay?
My advice would be to take the moral highground. As horrible as it is, to do that you would have to swallow your pride and agree to the separation. Think about who benefits from that. Your wife gets the freedom she clearly wants. The kids get the stability of an amicable divorce. What's in it for you? Well, mid life crisis' don't last forever. The excitement of an affair may lose is sheen when it turns into a relationship. If you ragequit and have a messy split she will never come back. If you let her go calmly you will have a chance to either meet someone who will give you what you want in time or she will beg you to take her back.
I know it would be soul destroying but she is already out the door and it's up to you if you should slam it shut on her fingers or leave it ajar. Best of luck, mate.
If you take your pride out of the equation (impossible I know) what does it matter to you if she is seeing someone? She already admitted she isn't in love with you anymore and has asked for a separation. Think about what confronting her in the servo carpark will achieve.
Pros: Confirmation that you were right.
Cons: Things will get nasty. Quickly.
What is better for the children in that situation?
The children are young now and I'm sure they adore their dad who takes them on cool holidays. Your wife is going through a mid life crisis and by not agreeing to a trial separation and accusing her of cheating you are probably making things worse for her even though your intentions are good. Would you like it if someone held a gun to your head and forced you to stay?
My advice would be to take the moral highground. As horrible as it is, to do that you would have to swallow your pride and agree to the separation. Think about who benefits from that. Your wife gets the freedom she clearly wants. The kids get the stability of an amicable divorce. What's in it for you? Well, mid life crisis' don't last forever. The excitement of an affair may lose is sheen when it turns into a relationship. If you ragequit and have a messy split she will never come back. If you let her go calmly you will have a chance to either meet someone who will give you what you want in time or she will beg you to take her back.
I know it would be soul destroying but she is already out the door and it's up to you if you should slam it shut on her fingers or leave it ajar. Best of luck, mate.
Have you spoken to her parents about the situation?
And if you go to the services and see her getting in another man's car, for god's sake don't cause a scene. Keep your powder dry and use it to bring her to justice.
She doesn't sound half as level headed as you come across in your posts. Are you sure you haven't been putting her on a pedestal for years? Emotional, moody, kids prefer you to her, holidays alone with 'friends' and suspicious parents?
And if you go to the services and see her getting in another man's car, for god's sake don't cause a scene. Keep your powder dry and use it to bring her to justice.
She doesn't sound half as level headed as you come across in your posts. Are you sure you haven't been putting her on a pedestal for years? Emotional, moody, kids prefer you to her, holidays alone with 'friends' and suspicious parents?
Have you seen *any* photos of her holiday? - To not do is a bit weird in itself.
Is the service station anywhere near somewhere she would meet a friend for shopping or food? You don't spend four hours eating a macdonalds or shopping in a motorway services WH Smith.
I once split up with a long term partner - I told her I loved her but wasn't in love with her. At the time I think it was true, but I really did want shut.
Don't throw things away over what could be misunderstandings but in the same vein don't hold on for holding ons sake.
Is the service station anywhere near somewhere she would meet a friend for shopping or food? You don't spend four hours eating a macdonalds or shopping in a motorway services WH Smith.
I once split up with a long term partner - I told her I loved her but wasn't in love with her. At the time I think it was true, but I really did want shut.
Don't throw things away over what could be misunderstandings but in the same vein don't hold on for holding ons sake.
A bit down said:
I have just realised that my wife goes to meet the same "friend" at the same time each week and I have the kids to myself during that period. Now that I know where the services is, it's got to be worth dropping the kids at my mum's and paying the services a visit at that time next week.....
Your cheapest option. Not sure where you are but I'm sure a PHer would take you. Someone to look after you should your fears be realised.
Got to say, it doesn't sound good but a) you need to think "what happens next" if it is true and; b) as a mate once said, kids are resilient - better to be apart and happy than together and sniping.
Good luck dude.
BlackVanDyke said:
Regardless of what's going on, hiring a PD on your wife will end your relationship.
I don't think this matters now 
It sounds as though, in her eyes, the relationship is already over. I must admit that sleeping with her phone under her pillow is a big sign that something suspicious is afoot, let alone the 4 hours at a service station, or the fact she chose a holiday with a friend over a holiday with her family. Not good.Also, you mention that she is seeing this friend every week, at the same time ... Does her friend ever come round to your house? Have you conversed with said friend? Have you seen or asked to see any photos of their holiday in Turkey?
Good luck OP and I wish you all the best ... It sounds like a s
tty situation to be in, but you're doing incredibly well holding your composure and emotions. There's some good advice on here, so take it in. I bet that in a couple of years time, when you've sorted all this out, you'll feel 100 times better OP, sorry to hear about the situation you are in, it's not nice and yet it happens to many people across the country daily . One thing I would say is that your children may be saddened by you and your wife separating, just remind them that it's not as if one of their parents is dying; they will still get to see both of you regularly (presuming an amicable split), and that thousands of single parent families lead good lives. (sorry for sounding callous, just my point of view)
. One thing I would say is that your children may be saddened by you and your wife separating, just remind them that it's not as if one of their parents is dying; they will still get to see both of you regularly (presuming an amicable split), and that thousands of single parent families lead good lives. (sorry for sounding callous, just my point of view)Gassing Station | The Lounge | Top of Page | What's New | My Stuff