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elanfan
1,104 posts
96 months
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Not that it matters one jot as cheating is cheating .. but what if X's friend is her lover too? OP presumably you know this friend might she have gone the other way?
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slippery
9,390 posts
108 months
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elanfan said: Not that it matters one jot as cheating is cheating .. but what if X's friend is her lover too? OP presumably you know this friend might she have gone the other way? I know this a long thread, but you are far from being the first person to suggest that highly unlikely scenario. 
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dmulally
2,767 posts
49 months
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utgjon said: I was out today and thinking about your predicament, OP...I don't think this has been suggested, if it has then I apologise.
Playing devil's advocate for a second, what are the chances that her 'disappearances' have been her going to attend a support meeting/counselling session that she feels too embarrassed to talk about with you? There could be any number of reasons for what she is doing. I guess he will find out sooner or later which is why he started the thread. OP, you seem to be getting stronger every day. Keep it up.
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DaveL485
2,419 posts
66 months
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slippery said: elanfan said: Not that it matters one jot as cheating is cheating .. but what if X's friend is her lover too? OP presumably you know this friend might she have gone the other way? I know this a long thread, but you are far from being the first person to suggest that highly unlikely scenario. Unlikely, but it happens. Happened to me, in fact. Caught them at it. On my living room floor.
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mondeoman
6,759 posts
135 months
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DaveL485 said: slippery said: elanfan said: Not that it matters one jot as cheating is cheating .. but what if X's friend is her lover too? OP presumably you know this friend might she have gone the other way? I know this a long thread, but you are far from being the first person to suggest that highly unlikely scenario. Unlikely, but it happens. Happened to me, in fact. Caught them at it. On my living room floor. holy f  k!!!
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elanfan
1,104 posts
96 months
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Fingerf k more likely surely?
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oobster
4,557 posts
80 months
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mondeoman, suggest you edit your (double) post - mods don't take too kindly to bypassing the swear filter.
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Nick M
3,137 posts
92 months
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utgjon said: Playing devil's advocate for a second, what are the chances that her 'disappearances' have been her going to attend a support meeting/counselling session that she feels too embarrassed to talk about with you? Anything's possible, but I would tend to apply Occam's razor in situations such as this...
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tangerine_sedge
560 posts
87 months
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McHaggis said: tangerine_sedge said: Interesting suggestion. My wife suffered from mild depression a number of years ago (post-natal) and continues to see a personal councillor a couple of times a year (normally when she's stressed by work). It's possible that the OPs wife has been to see her Doctor and this is the course she's following. I do hope so. In the evening? Until late? After spending hours doing up her hair and buying new clothes/etc? If she is having some sort of therapy, she is doing something else as well. Good point, but many councillors are self employed, so it's possible they don't work 9-5. Unlikely though...
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garyhun
13,979 posts
97 months
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Nick M said: Anything's possible, but I would tend to apply Occam's razor in situations such as this... Bush need a trim? Sorry, could not resist 
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A bit down
Original Poster
126 posts
10 months
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Pig Skill said: OK OP, thanks for the response. Not that this means anything to you whatsoever but your reply has made me think twice. Sorry.
Good luck Apologies from me too, I shouldn't have got snappy. If it's any excuse, I was really run down last night. Thanks for the good wishes.
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elanfan
1,104 posts
96 months
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So ABD is she out again tonight and are you going on surveillance?
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nurburgring1
467 posts
69 months
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OP, I read earlier in the thread that you had been offered advice from solicitors, but for the moment, you dont't wish to go down that route. If she is seeing someone else, which seems likely, she is weeks if not months in front of you emotionally and if you do end up separating, your idea of it being amicable may not be as straight forward as you would hope. A friend of mine has been in this very situation, he also followed her to find out the truth. She had been seeing someone for months, so when he connfronted her, she just admited it and turned into the hardest b h you could ever imagine. She moved out and did her best to turn his kids againt him. It took my friend over a year to even get his head round what had happend and in this time she had got advice from a solicitor and was demanding everything and more. Whatever happens, I wish you good luck, it's not all about her, it's about you and the kids.
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A bit down
Original Poster
126 posts
10 months
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elanfan said: So ABD is she out again tonight and are you going on surveillance? Yes.
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Panda76
1,015 posts
19 months
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I think you know how this will end up tbh op.
A friend of mine did the following his wife thing,got the evidence he wanted.He already knew,he just needed proof and confirmation.
They are separated now,mind you he was no angel either.
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A bit down
Original Poster
126 posts
10 months
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nurburgring1 said: OP, I read earlier in the thread that you had been offered advice from solicitors, but for the moment, you dont't wish to go down that route. If she is seeing someone else, which seems likely, she is weeks if not months in front of you emotionally and if you do end up separating, your idea of it being amicable may not be as straight forward as you would hope. A friend of mine has been in this very situation, he also followed her to find out the truth. She had been seeing someone for months, so when he connfronted her, she just admited it and turned into the hardest b h you could ever imagine. She moved out and did her best to turn his kids againt him. It took my friend over a year to even get his head round what had happend and in this time she had got advice from a solicitor and was demanding everything and more. Whatever happens, I wish you good luck, it's not all about her, it's about you and the kids. Thanks for the advice. I am going to take some initial advice just so that I understand the general legal position and the key dos and donts.
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mildmannered
551 posts
22 months
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A bit down said: Thanks for the advice. I am going to take some initial advice just so that I understand the general legal position and the key dos and donts. Very sensible. Good luck.
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blindswelledrat
18,932 posts
101 months
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GOod luck ABD, we're all rooting for you as ever.
Where is she going tonight according to her?
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tonyvid
8,567 posts
112 months
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dirty boy said: Maybe for some, however, some people genuinely care. A bit like a Samaritan who mans a phone for no reward other than to give some perspective to someone who doesn't have any.
Some of us have been put in situation similar to the OP, some have seen the fallout, why doubt generosity? There's still a lot of good people in the world, just because they're strangers, doesn't mean the intentions are anything other than genuine. I agree, when I came crashing out of the sky back in 2006, certain members of the Northants region made a real effort to pick me up, came to see me at home and filled quite a few evenings at the pub - I'd never met them before and am extremely grateful for what they did. I had some long term email chatting and support from other PHers whom I've never met, it was invaluable at the time and later on. I've tried to remember that and put things back in when it's looked like being helpful to others. 
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slippery
9,390 posts
108 months
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A bit down said: elanfan said: So ABD is she out again tonight and are you going on surveillance? Yes. We are all thinking of you mate. Stick to your measured approach, it has served you well up until now. All the best.
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