Has anyone used a private detective?
Discussion
A bit down said:
I've been eating better and doing a lot of exercise, and I'm feeling much better overall. The children are benefitting from both of us spending quality time with them.
Glad to hear things are moving on OK,and for the moment at least,things are amicable between the two of you.Good luck for the future
It's very frustrating living under the same roof but getting there. The only thing I asked X for while we worked out the actual separation and moved apart was not to see A as it would show a total lack of respect. Since she wanted me to keep paying for everything she agreed, in fact she swore on the children's lives that she would email him there and then and tell him never to contact her again.
I had to take this at face value (god knows why) and we went about organising things - until last week when I found out that she hasn't stopped seeing him at all. Again I confronted her and again she initially denied it, eventually saying "I just saw him once for ten minutes to tell him I didn't want to see him again". I don't know how stupid she thinks I am, but the answer is not stupid enough to believe that.
After some heated debate, a load more outright lies from her and a lot of disbelief from me (I'm now at the stage where I feel like I don't know her at all, her behaviour is deplorable and I can't believe I married her) she is moving out in the next two weeks. She chose the house, it's a few miles away and I have signed a rental contract (I had to act as guarantor) and paid six months rent in advance, plus for her to do a course so she can gain a particular qualification that will help her to get a job. Even though I will have the children for half the week, I will also be paying for their maintenance as I don't want them to go without (there was almost no food in the house this evening but A has had another £100 haircut). She is definitely struggling mentally, quite often in the evenings she gorges on crisps/sweets/snacks and then disappears off to the bathroom for a while. I have heard her vomiting several times.
It seems surreal at times, as if it's not really happening. We will be telling the children next week and that will break my heart, as will not seeing them for days at a time. However, I can't wait to see the back of X - I could happily go for the rest of my life without seeing her again. Unfortunately I won't be able to.
I'll post again when she has moved out. I'm not sure how I will feel rattling around by myself as this has always been our family home. I'm staying here in the interim as I want the children to have something that they know, plus I am buying X out so the house will transfer to my sole ownership and it will be up to me what I choose to do with it. We'll see.
I had to take this at face value (god knows why) and we went about organising things - until last week when I found out that she hasn't stopped seeing him at all. Again I confronted her and again she initially denied it, eventually saying "I just saw him once for ten minutes to tell him I didn't want to see him again". I don't know how stupid she thinks I am, but the answer is not stupid enough to believe that.
After some heated debate, a load more outright lies from her and a lot of disbelief from me (I'm now at the stage where I feel like I don't know her at all, her behaviour is deplorable and I can't believe I married her) she is moving out in the next two weeks. She chose the house, it's a few miles away and I have signed a rental contract (I had to act as guarantor) and paid six months rent in advance, plus for her to do a course so she can gain a particular qualification that will help her to get a job. Even though I will have the children for half the week, I will also be paying for their maintenance as I don't want them to go without (there was almost no food in the house this evening but A has had another £100 haircut). She is definitely struggling mentally, quite often in the evenings she gorges on crisps/sweets/snacks and then disappears off to the bathroom for a while. I have heard her vomiting several times.
It seems surreal at times, as if it's not really happening. We will be telling the children next week and that will break my heart, as will not seeing them for days at a time. However, I can't wait to see the back of X - I could happily go for the rest of my life without seeing her again. Unfortunately I won't be able to.
I'll post again when she has moved out. I'm not sure how I will feel rattling around by myself as this has always been our family home. I'm staying here in the interim as I want the children to have something that they know, plus I am buying X out so the house will transfer to my sole ownership and it will be up to me what I choose to do with it. We'll see.
Sounds like she has some serious mental issues. If she can't look after herself, how is she going to look after the kids half the time. And she is still using you as a cash dispenser. It will probably not be the way you want to go, but you could apply for full custody based on her emotional/mental state, perhaps...
Is A married too? I know I was initially against it but if he is married then I'm starting to think that his wife should know what's been going on. She is after all in the position ABD was and being kept in the dark is never going to turn out well. If he's single then obviously the 'let sleeping dogs lie' approach is probably sensible, (although not easy I'm sure).
NiceCupOfTea said:
Sounds like she has some serious mental issues. If she can't look after herself, how is she going to look after the kids half the time. And she is still using you as a cash dispenser. It will probably not be the way you want to go, but you could apply for full custody based on her emotional/mental state, perhaps...
Yeah, major mental health problem becoming a definite rather than probable feature of this now.Talk to your family GP. Obviously they can't discuss Mrs ABD's health with you, but they CAN let you tell them that there may be a major problem and give them enough information for them to try to help her.
Keep an eye on the kids in some way during the part of the week they're with their mother - could you each have a Skype session partway through 'your' half of the week so they can see and talk to the other parent, or something? Give your oldest particularly opportunities to let you know if things aren't OK (without asking leading questions or anything, just make sure there's a space to talk about stuff available).
Sorry to hear about the problems that have appeared. 
Hopefully her current issues will just be a temporary blip but as has been said, it might be worth giving the kids a method of getting in touch with you. A cheap payg mobile or something.
Unfortunately you will have to be in contact with the ex and have discussions about the kids, Christmas, holidays etc. try to maintain the high ground but remain firm otherwise you'll be a doormat. If you're paying maintenance then make sure you do it all in a traceable form, bank transfer or standing order for example.
Hopefully her current issues will just be a temporary blip but as has been said, it might be worth giving the kids a method of getting in touch with you. A cheap payg mobile or something.
Unfortunately you will have to be in contact with the ex and have discussions about the kids, Christmas, holidays etc. try to maintain the high ground but remain firm otherwise you'll be a doormat. If you're paying maintenance then make sure you do it all in a traceable form, bank transfer or standing order for example.
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