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GTO Scott

Original Poster:

2,717 posts

109 months

[news] 
Saturday 6th October 2012 quote quote all
Grenoble said:
I suggested supporting her and encouraging education but to her strengths, rather than to where you think she should be going. Anyhow that is all 12-14 years ahead, you've plenty of time. I agree with steering/mentoring but not directing- I had some GCSEs but nothing beyond until I got my act in gear at 21, I would have benefited from a stronger father/son relationship. But my father often descibed me as an accident.
Sorry, my mistake - I was busy writing the post and didn't check back properly to re-read what you'd written. At the very least I hope she can be encouraged to do well in whatever she shows an aptitude for, but I do hope that she goes into something useful rather than media studies or beauty therapy.

Mind you, I'm doing better than my father - at least I'm taking some interest!

Grenoble

13,907 posts

40 months

[news] 
Saturday 6th October 2012 quote quote all
GTO Scott said:
Sorry, my mistake - I was busy writing the post and didn't check back properly to re-read what you'd written. At the very least I hope she can be encouraged to do well in whatever she shows an aptitude for, but I do hope that she goes into something useful rather than media studies or beauty therapy.

Mind you, I'm doing better than my father - at least I'm taking some interest!
In this we agree.... smile

redgriff500

9,351 posts

148 months

[news] 
Saturday 6th October 2012 quote quote all
Coming from a slightly different perspective...

I always wanted kids and was worried when I didn't "attach" to mine as everyone says they instantly bonded - luckily my B in Law said he didn't until about 9 months which I found to be the case too.

Until they are interacting / crawling / walking / talking they are pretty dull so don't worry if you don't change your opinion overnight.

I was bought up as Christian but I can't agree with forgiving everyone and evolution makes a lot more sense than a church that has huge wealth and watches the poor suffer / die so I'm with you there.

Regarding Christening - how does it harm you to shut up and go ?

In a marriage you have to let them get their way sometimes and they let you have yours sometimes too - that's how a partnership works.

BTW I was right and my kids are absolutely the best, it was a gorgeous day for a blast today and with a V8 RX7 and a supercharged MX5 outside I still spent the day with them.

Although for the first 2 yrs your life will have to stop to accommodate their needs after that they are flexible and my 3yr old comes with me to the garage, up the scaffolding etc and is an utter joy. Having kids has made me far less selfish and far more tolerant too.

I feel sorry for those who don't have kids - you're lucky, don't blow it.



Ari

9,676 posts

100 months

[news] 
Saturday 6th October 2012 quote quote all
Cock Womble 7 said:
Or, C: Very careful.
So you're saying that when a wife or girlfriend has said to you "don't worry, I'm on the pill/have a coil fitted/have contraceptive injections you've said "that's fine love, but I don't trust you so in case you're lying I'm going to wear a condom anyway, just to be sure".

Could explain the two divorces I suppose... smile

Ari

9,676 posts

100 months

[news] 
Saturday 6th October 2012 quote quote all
172ff said:
Should have thought about all of that before you blew you beans up your wife.

I admit I wasn't exactly the most paternal of men but having a baby girl at the start of this year has been the making of me.

She is hard work at times but is ace.
More fantastic PH advice!!! biggrinbiggrin

If you don't want kids, don't have sex with your wife! Brilliant!! biggrin

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Ari

9,676 posts

100 months

[news] 
Saturday 6th October 2012 quote quote all
ETOPS said:
Surely, this should only be an issue if you we're a believer/follower of another faith?

If you are atheist or agnostic, your baby being Christened will mean nothing to you, but it means something to your wife.

So, let her have her day.
Seems the obvious solution (to the most minor of the op's two issues...)

Ari

9,676 posts

100 months

[news] 
Sunday 7th October 2012 quote quote all
Cotty said:
Contraception tends to work 100% if both parties want it to.
Precisely yes

Ari

9,676 posts

100 months

[news] 
Sunday 7th October 2012 quote quote all
Carthage said:
Not all women want children, and of those who do, surely very few will deliberately get pregnant to 'trap' someone.
How utterly naive! rofl

voyds9

4,951 posts

168 months

[news] 
Sunday 7th October 2012 quote quote all
doodlebug said:
Voyd, do you even know what AS is?

I'm relieved that you at least had the decency to ensure your tttishness can not be passed on.
Yes awaiting my diagnosis

If you want I can throw insults back, but what makes you think I'm a tcensoredt, is it that I had the snip or that I decided I didn't want kids.

If you mean that I call kids little accidents, as the OP had no intention of getting his partner pregnant, what do you suggest we call these type of pregnancies.

Jamie VTS

708 posts

32 months

[news] 
Sunday 7th October 2012 quote quote all
Maybe having a daughter will make your life go in a better direction than you had already planned?

OzzyR1

2,519 posts

117 months

[news] 
Sunday 7th October 2012 quote quote all
vixen1700 said:
Carthage said:
I feel that the issue of christening your daughter pales into insignificance beside the issue of your not wanting her. frown
Yeah, really.

I was Christened, but Christianity means nothing to me, nor does any religion for that matter.
^
This.

I was christened, can't remember it though as I was about 3 months old. Who gives a toss, if it makes your wife happy then do it.

As other posters though, I do question whether you will be a good parent given your apparent reluctance, time will tell I suppose.

Huff

1,520 posts

76 months

[news] 
Sunday 7th October 2012 quote quote all
As others have already noted I think the Christening thing and the OP's problem with it is a symptom, not the real issue here. IMO the OP needs to simply realise he's no longer the centre of his universe. And that damn soon.

GTO - Guess what, a kid is not the end of the universe you planned. It can be the making of you, if you can drop your sense of self-importance (fk you, the universe doesn't care anyway)

I say this because I once thought and felt just the same way. No, no kids for me, evah. Had my technique down and everything, don't be tickling or nothin'...

Then out of the blue I met someone and ..it really , really worked for us at every level, except I had to consider there was the 2yr old daughter in tow. Er um. Guess what - getting over my own limited imagination was the best thing that ever could have happened to me. So, while in the very long term we are no longer together L. is still one of my closest friends and there's a 19yr old to whom I am (and remain) to my everlasting joy …Dad. Not what I planned then, and beyond what I thought I could be. Very definitely the making of who I am now though.

So, GTO, how much do you what the bigger picture or are you really out for only-you all your own life? Surely not unless your wonderful-until-just-now wife is to be held some kind of hostage to your will ( -in which case, there's an even-larger FU around the corner)

Realise now if you choose that route, then your entire life will tend to empty, devoid of the partner you have and obviously want, and circumscribed by explaining that emptiness away to everyone you meet, for the rest of it. Miserable.

Man the fk up. It could and I very much hope will prove, a far far greater thing than you can imagine. Scary, yes; but some kind of wonderful too.

Meanwhile odd ceremonies here or there along the way are just part of life's rich tapestry. Try to enjoy them all, even if only at face value.

Edited by Huff on Sunday 7th October 02:22

Art0ir

7,134 posts

55 months

[news] 
Sunday 7th October 2012 quote quote all
Luftgekuhlt said:
I'd say it was refreshingly honest, but there you go.
yes

GTO Scott

Original Poster:

2,717 posts

109 months

[news] 
Sunday 7th October 2012 quote quote all
Huff said:
As others have already noted I think the Christening thing and the OP's problem with it is a symptom, not the real issue here. IMO the OP needs to simply realise he's no longer the centre of his universe. And that damn soon.

GTO - Guess what, a kid is not the end of the universe you planned. It can be the making of you, if you can drop your sense of self-importance (fk you, the universe doesn't care anyway)
Without wishing to delve too deeply into the past and justify my feelings, I moved out of the family home as soon as I legally could, made a hash of things and have spent most of the last ten years working bloody hard to get my life back on track and be comfortable. Just as I think I can start to relax, this happens. In another three years, it wouldn't have been anywhere near as much of a problem (for financial reasons at least), although I suspect I'd still be disappointed.

I am aware the rest of the universe cares not a jot about me - that is what drives me towards my goals. Nobody will magically fix things, anything I want, I have to earn. Anything I want to achieve, I have to work at.

Huff said:
I say this because I once thought and felt just the same way. No, no kids for me, evah. Had my technique down and everything, don't be tickling or nothin'...

Then out of the blue I met someone and ..it really , really worked for us at every level, except I had to consider there was the 2yr old daughter in tow. Er um. Guess what - getting over my own limited imagination was the best thing that ever could have happened to me. So, while in the very long term we are no longer together L. is still one of my closest friends and there's a 19yr old to whom I am (and remain) to my everlasting joy …Dad. Not what I planned then, and beyond what I thought I could be. Very definitely the making of who I am now though.
That girl is very lucky, and I am glad you feel that way. I'm ashamed to say my sister has three kids by three different fathers and none of them really know what it's like to have a constant father figure. Yet despite knowing this I still struggle with the idea of fatherhood on a personal scale - it terrifies me, and I do have a constant issue with whether I would ever be able to do the right thing at the right time, or whether I'll just end up turning into my father, which wouldn't be a good thing. Mrs S knows all this - she knew long before she was pregnant.

Huff said:
So, GTO, how much do you what the bigger picture or are you really out for only-you all your own life? Surely not unless your wonderful-until-just-now wife is to be held some kind of hostage to your will ( -in which case, there's an even-larger FU around the corner)

Realise now if you choose that route, then your entire life will tend to empty, devoid of the partner you have and obviously want, and circumscribed by explaining that emptiness away to everyone you meet, for the rest of it. Miserable.
I lived my life very much to the idea of putting myself first, until I met my wife. Then I gave up a lot of my life to live with her in Cornwall, including a job I enjoyed, seeing friends regularly, a fair few possessions (my Range Rover, XJ and a preserved bus all had to go), we bought a house together and I stuck all the money I had been saving for a Bentley Turbo R (my aim had been to have one by the time I hit 30) into rebuilding the house, got into a fair bit of debt doing so, and so on. I do realise that sounds very materialistic, but that's me. I wouldn't say however that I have been exactly selfish to my wife.

Huff said:
Man the fk up. It could and I very much hope will prove, a far far greater thing than you can imagine. Scary, yes; but some kind of wonderful too.

Meanwhile odd ceremonies here or there along the way are just part of life's rich tapestry. Try to enjoy them all, even if only at face value.

Edited by Huff on Sunday 7th October 02:22
I am trying my best to deal with something that I never wanted, actively avoid and cannot deal with socially.

The wife is a social worker, so at least if I do anything wrong she'll be able to tell me.

doodlebug

674 posts

101 months

[news] 
Sunday 7th October 2012 quote quote all
voyds9 said:
Yes awaiting my diagnosis

If you want I can throw insults back, but what makes you think I'm a tcensoredt, is it that I had the snip or that I decided I didn't want kids.

If you mean that I call kids little accidents, as the OP had no intention of getting his partner pregnant, what do you suggest we call these type of pregnancies.
It's got nothing to do with the OP or your attitude to kids. If you are awaiting diagnosis, I thought you would have known that

voyds9 said:
Because you have the ability to type what scares more than a few of us
is not a symptom of AS.

Jonnas

965 posts

48 months

[news] 
Sunday 7th October 2012 quote quote all
Mr Pies said:
Superstar?
......riding along on his Yamaha......

Jasandjules

50,944 posts

114 months

[news] 
Sunday 7th October 2012 quote quote all
OP, you seem to think that because your own childhood etc was bad and perhaps you family are not the best parents, that you won't be. BUT, you see their problems and don't like it, that to me means you will be a far better parent than they ever will.

Sam99

201 posts

58 months

[news] 
Sunday 7th October 2012 quote quote all
Blib said:
Sam99 said:
Blib said:
If it makes your wife and her family happy, then why not? It really isn't the end of the World. FWIW, I already feel sorry for the poor little mite if you regard her conception and birth as a personal failure.
"Sprog "
" Dropping "
" Failure "

???????

What a charmer you are ...........
What on earth are you on about?

confused
I'm sorry , I apologise.
I was trying to agree with your comments , whilst leaving my own to the original post.

Sorry.

Sam

DanL

1,600 posts

150 months

[news] 
Sunday 7th October 2012 quote quote all
Right, I'm going to ignore the contraception side of things - what's done is done, although quite why you've not had a vasectomy is a bit of a mystery given that you never wanted children.

The important issue here is that you seem to believe being Christened will somehow remove the child's ability to choose whether to believe in God or not. This is, patently, nonsense. You child won't remember it happening, and it'll have no effect on her future views... What will is how she's brought up the first few years of her life, and if your wife is inclined to take her to church and tell her all about God then it's *this* that you should be worrying about if you want you child to be able to make her own mind up. You'll have to give her the other side of the argument.

Instead of religion, let's use an analogy to make what I'm trying to say clearer.

What if you wife was a vegetarian? Would you worry that if the first meal you child has contains no meat, she'll also be a veggie? No - this is clearly rubbish. She might choose to be a veggie if your wife were to tell her every day that meat is murder, but it's up to you to balance this, and in time she'll decide for herself. She's even likely to rebel at some point regardless, just to see what happens.

In summary - it's just water.

Ari

9,676 posts

100 months

[news] 
Sunday 7th October 2012 quote quote all
Just out of interest op, how old is your wife?
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