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Oilchange

3,238 posts

146 months

[news] 
Sunday 7th October 2012 quote quote all
Not the entire, all commanding 'say' but a say nonetheless. He's not, after all, carrying the foetus and giving birth to the child is he? Lets keep it in perspective, marriage is a compromise after all.

TwigtheWonderkid said:
Will he? I thought that's what this post was about.

ALawson

5,037 posts

137 months

[news] 
Sunday 7th October 2012 quote quote all
Scott, I have to say that I used to have similar thoughts about children, not that I didn't want them but not at to young an age. Looking back becoming a father at 34 was and is one of the most amazing things that ever happened; do I wish it had happened earlier? Maybe. I think the stuff that matters as you get older is your general fitness and ability to crack on with things especially playing with children. Once they start moving it get tiring, and that is only seeing them after work and on weekends.

Tonight was a classic, 2 days of constipation was broken by the little fella claiming that he had a poo coming. A good heads up at 26 months but as he got up from the bath, well there was st in the bath....how I laughed. Stuff like this you cannot imagine at the moment, joy when they master a climbing frame when other kids twice there age are struggling is brilliant. I am slowing reliving by younger years; I cannot wait for him to get into Scaletrix.

However, not everything planner or not will pan out as planned. My wife and I have recently lost of second child at 25 weeks, that was a surprize! And friends of ours daughter lived for a handful of minutes on Saturday morning, then just like that she was gone.

You are now involved in one of the most amazing and uncontrollable aspects of human life, the dice has been rolled and you will find out what happens in the future, notwithstanding your current views I wish the best for you and hope that your feelings change.

Frankly if the baby is christened or not doesn't matter one iota.

Good luck.

Starfighter

1,393 posts

64 months

[news] 
Sunday 7th October 2012 quote quote all
The Christening matters to the church. They count all baptisms as being 1 way events and claim they speak for the you for the rest of your life. I was Christened and I am an athiest, my kits are free to make up their own minds when they can make a rational decision and I will support them in this right up to the church steps.

squeezebm

2,319 posts

91 months

[news] 
Sunday 7th October 2012 quote quote all
The only reason I started to read this thread is that we have our first little one arriving in 7 weeks biggrin

So for the first time in my life it feels like it is going to be complete.

Briefly .....I have had a great 40 years so far,great childhood usual teenage ups and downs but parents always there !

Spent 20's being a mentalist with just beer bikes and women to keep me amused

30's wasn't gonna last being free and single. started a business,grew up a lot , got married then after 4 years a very expensive divorce then met a great new girl bought our dream home with the idea that 10 years later we would sell up finish working so bloody hard and go walkabout ...........

That was untill a few months ago when I came home to find out I was going to be a dad.........feck me this wasn't in the "plan" and it really took time for me to get my head round it...............bang goes my aston plans or the Maldives again in November were my first thoughts!!

A few months later having a glance over to the previous size 8 34 year old bird looking like a fecking hippo watching ste factor.......I can't wait to be dad and just wish we had done it earlier.


Anyways my first thought was the op was a total prick,nob heads like you don't deserve the honour of children l
Then his honesty although mental is at least honourable

But to sum up

Mate it's just a fecking christening, look after your wife and child and stop being so selfish

Coco H

4,226 posts

123 months

[news] 
Sunday 7th October 2012 quote quote all
rumple said:
OP, let her have her day, in the long run it won't matter, in six months time that girl will be the center of your universe, trust me on this I was 32 when I got the wife pregnant and was never going to have kids etc.
Sorry this is b&llocks. One of parents did not want me before I was born and that did not change when I arrived. According to the hospital it's not that rare for people not to change their mind.
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Starfighter

1,393 posts

64 months

[news] 
Sunday 7th October 2012 quote quote all
Coco H said:
rumple said:
OP, let her have her day, in the long run it won't matter, in six months time that girl will be the center of your universe, trust me on this I was 32 when I got the wife pregnant and was never going to have kids etc.
Sorry this is b&llocks. One of parents did not want me before I was born and that did not change when I arrived. According to the hospital it's not that rare for people not to change their mind.
Agreed. Making it as a father is basic biology, making it as a daddy is much, much hard and not all of us can or will make it.

A.C.E

478 posts

132 months

[news] 
Sunday 7th October 2012 quote quote all
I'm a, ahem, non believer but got married in a church. Also had my first son christened and will be having our 2nd christened. Not my choice, but its what the mrs wanted, so that's ok by me. I don't sing the hymns nor recite any of the religious stuff. The boys can make their own minds up when they're old enough.

rumple

4,672 posts

37 months

[news] 
Sunday 7th October 2012 quote quote all
swerni said:
VinceFox said:
Mr Pies said:
Her wanting the child christened is a classic sign of guilt.

She's cheating on you.

Finish with her immediately.
finally, some common sense.
It's the PH way
Smash her back doors in first, no lubethumbup

bozibo

240 posts

81 months

[news] 
Sunday 7th October 2012 quote quote all
OK - well (prepares to be slated by fellow pistonheaders) as a C of E lay minister responsible for preparing parents for their child's baptism/christening (same thing) I have lots of experience in this department (although not as Methodist - I drink - a lot!!).

I often see couples where one parent is keen and the other not. Usually the parent who's not keen is willing to go along with it for their partner's sake. In these cases I always suggest the partner who doesn't particularly want the baptism should stand up with the godparents when it comes to the time to make the promises but shouldn't actually say the words. It's not necessary for both partners to have to make the promises. However the service does involve a promise to bring the child up 'in the family of the church'. Is that what your wife wants? to go to church fairly regularly?

If not then I would suggest a Thanksgiving service. It's a service in church where you can invite whoever you want and the minister gives thanks for the birth of the child. You can have the service, have the party, have the child blessed - but not make promises you don't mean. Then, later on, if you decide you want to, you can have her christened/baptised. Or you can leave it to her to make her own mind up.

No need to have her christened at an early age. The main reasons people try to have them 'done' when they're tiny is either - because they have a handed down christening gown that needs to fit, because it's 'tradition' (i.e. the grandparents want it) or because they believe you don't go to heaven if you're not christened (I don't believe that) and they don't want to take any chances.

Don't know if that helps at all?

rumple

4,672 posts

37 months

[news] 
Sunday 7th October 2012 quote quote all
Coco H said:
rumple said:
OP, let her have her day, in the long run it won't matter, in six months time that girl will be the center of your universe, trust me on this I was 32 when I got the wife pregnant and was never going to have kids etc.
Sorry this is b&llocks. One of parents did not want me before I was born and that did not change when I arrived. According to the hospital it's not that rare for people not to change their mind.
I must be the exception then, or have the maturity to realise there is a child in the world I'm responsible for, if you can't step up to the mark the you are beneath contempt.

Grenoble

14,125 posts

41 months

[news] 
Sunday 7th October 2012 quote quote all
I'm an atheist but your post is one thing I find positive with the CoE - pragmatism - no absolutes.

BlackVanDyke

8,607 posts

97 months

[news] 
Sunday 7th October 2012 quote quote all
GTO Scott said:
Jasandjules said:
How old are you?

If there is a lot of pressure, then I suppose the question is: What difference will it truly make to your life if she does get Christened? If she was talking about taking the child to church every Sunday then that's a bit different...
28. I don't suppose it would make much difference to me, but I would find it very hypocritical of myself to stand there by the font and mumble words about leading her in the Christian way when I believe differently.
Maybe you could talk to your wife about being happy enough for baby to be Christened BUT that you won't feel able to participate in the ceremony (or perhaps negotiate to instead just state your intent to bring her up to be the best person she can be)?

Similarly, you might be able to agree on non-religious godparents: it's nice for a kid to have benign grownups in its life who have made a formal statement of intent to provide said benign grownup role.

bozibo

240 posts

81 months

[news] 
Sunday 7th October 2012 quote quote all
BlackVanDyke said:
Similarly, you might be able to agree on non-religious godparents: it's nice for a kid to have benign grownups in its life who have made a formal statement of intent to provide said benign grownup role.
But I imagine the non religious godparents would also have difficulty in making the promises which involve promising to pray for them, take them to church etc etc

BlackVanDyke

8,607 posts

97 months

[news] 
Sunday 7th October 2012 quote quote all
bozibo said:
BlackVanDyke said:
Similarly, you might be able to agree on non-religious godparents: it's nice for a kid to have benign grownups in its life who have made a formal statement of intent to provide said benign grownup role.
But I imagine the non religious godparents would also have difficulty in making the promises which involve promising to pray for them, take them to church etc etc
Obviously I don't know anything about the OP's missus's church but I've been at Christening services with what I describe in them - one was in a very, very traditional high-ish Anglican church, baby in the same christening gown the mum, granny etc etc had and so on - the other one I can't actually remember (was both young and slightly drunk) what sort of church it was but definitely a 'proper' one!

NDA

11,341 posts

111 months

[news] 
Monday 8th October 2012 quote quote all
bozibo said:
BlackVanDyke said:
Similarly, you might be able to agree on non-religious godparents: it's nice for a kid to have benign grownups in its life who have made a formal statement of intent to provide said benign grownup role.
But I imagine the non religious godparents would also have difficulty in making the promises which involve promising to pray for them, take them to church etc etc
I'm not religious in the slightest, but am Godfather to five. Each time I was asked, I made it clear that I wouldn't fulfill any religious aspect of the role and each time the parents were happy.

I'm sort of like a non exec. smile

I guess the OP's wife gets to choose the Godparents now.

Coco H

4,226 posts

123 months

[news] 
Monday 8th October 2012 quote quote all
rumple said:
I must be the exception then, or have the maturity to realise there is a child in the world I'm responsible for, if you can't step up to the mark the you are beneath contempt.
Shame there aren't more like you then.

Dimski

1,953 posts

85 months

[news] 
Monday 8th October 2012 quote quote all
It's been mentioned already, but firstly I think this ceremony means nothing, it is a platitude for your wife and her family.

Secondly, as it was explained to me, the Christening is really for the Parents and God parents and their 'duties' toward the spiritual education of the child.

If the child chooses to follow, they make their own decision to be Confirmed, which typically happens in the early teenage years. (I suffered both, but am now more atheist in my opinions.)


It seems slightly ironic to me that the atheists seem to place more value and meaning in these ceremonies than the religious do.

dorme

197 posts

67 months

[news] 
Monday 8th October 2012 quote quote all
GTO Scott said:
I really hope that is the case - for sake of the child, my wife and myself.
Seriously buddy, i felt(not the same) but similar towards wanting kids, me and the mrs were happy, had plenty of spare cash, home etc like you.

She got pregnant, we both admitted now wasnt really the time, but also that we wouldnt want to abort, no matter what (we both have strong reasoning behind this, not religious).

Shat myself for 9 months thinking im gonna be a bad father, im too young for this, i dont want kids yet etc etc, BUT when my little girl came into the world, i INSTANTLY felt a strong bond with her, its hard to describe-but i would say its so strong that you literally feel like you would give your life at a drop of a hat for her at any given moment-like a overly committed bodyguard!

Its a different kind of "love" than what your used to, but i would bet she tips up, and a few weeks or even days down the line, youll feel like you couldnt imagine being without her, the dog will be very insignificant in comparison-you'll see.

with regards to the christening, im in the same boat as you, but if it means that much to her, just let her crack on, it really isnt a big deal and only the weirdys take religion hugely serious now days.

good luck.

Edited by dorme on Monday 8th October 08:53

TwigtheWonderkid

12,415 posts

36 months

[news] 
Monday 8th October 2012 quote quote all
bozibo said:
But I imagine the non religious godparents would also have difficulty in making the promises which involve promising to pray for them, take them to church etc etc
I'm a "godparent" but I didn't take part the christening. The other godparents filled that hole. I was then named godlessparent at the party afterwards. She her parents both die, I will spring into action and do what I am required to do without filling her head with supernatural claptrap. The other godparents can do that.

rumple

4,672 posts

37 months

[news] 
Monday 8th October 2012 quote quote all
Coco H said:
rumple said:
I must be the exception then, or have the maturity to realise there is a child in the world I'm responsible for, if you can't step up to the mark the you are beneath contempt.
Shame there aren't more like you then.
To be honest I had a prick of an old man, I couldn't give my kids the up bringing I had, so in a way you are right, I just hope the OP looks at his daughter and realises the same.
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