Wife wants sprog Christened - I don't.
Discussion
missing the VR6 said:
she's not exactly religious but got them christened as some of the best schools require it near us.
This is exactly what I find uncomfortable. If you want your kids into an apparently "better" school, why not buy into the the whole ethos, attending the church which supports the school, getting involved in the community because it's something you believe in.
It seems a bit dishonest to me.
Cock Womble 7 said:
It's "the done thing"; a thing mainly done by parents who haven't set foot in a church since they were indoctrinated before they were old enough to make an informed choice Christened.
Same as getting married in a church, because it's "the done thing" or "the church is really nice".
It's b
ks. Stand your ground.
Are you just trying to hasten a future divorce thread?Same as getting married in a church, because it's "the done thing" or "the church is really nice".
It's b
ks. Stand your ground.
I don't want children. Obviously in the context of this thread that seems like a 'no st sherlock' statement' but it does not stop me from wanting to try to bring this one up as well as I can. I see no reason why sprog should not have the choice when she is of an age to make an informed decision. I do every so often think about what I want her to be when she grows up (ideally into the sciences, physics preferably but biology or chemistry would be fine), and I do, despite my own issues, want her to have a good childhood.
I suppose another issue with it is the speed this all seems to be being planned with. What's wrong with waiting six months? My wife says there's no need to wait, but for my family and friends up north it's quite an ask to spend a fair wedge of cash to come down to Cornwall a couple of weeks before Christmas with just 6 weeks notice. My wife can't see that as an issue.
t sherlock' statement' but it does not stop me from wanting to try to bring this one up as well as I can. I see no reason why sprog should not have the choice when she is of an age to make an informed decision. I do every so often think about what I want her to be when she grows up (ideally into the sciences, physics preferably but biology or chemistry would be fine), and I do, despite my own issues, want her to have a good childhood.I suppose another issue with it is the speed this all seems to be being planned with. What's wrong with waiting six months? My wife says there's no need to wait, but for my family and friends up north it's quite an ask to spend a fair wedge of cash to come down to Cornwall a couple of weeks before Christmas with just 6 weeks notice. My wife can't see that as an issue.
GTO Scott said:
I see no reason why sprog should not have the choice when she is of an age to make an informed decision.
I'd agree with 100% here; but life and partnership is about compromise. Your child can always pass on the church elements and will have a full view of options given your views.GTO Scott said:
I do every so often think about what I want her to be when she grows up (ideally into the sciences, physics preferably but biology or chemistry would be fine), and I do, despite my own issues, want her to have a good childhood.
Kids are on loan to you. They'll be what they want to be. All you can do as a parent is help them and educate them on that journey. It's fair to want the best for them, and the best in educational choices, but you lay specific aspirations on them at your peril.GTO Scott said:
I suppose another issue with it is the speed this all seems to be being planned with. What's wrong with waiting six months? My wife says there's no need to wait, but for my family and friends up north it's quite an ask to spend a fair wedge of cash to come down to Cornwall a couple of weeks before Christmas with just 6 weeks notice. My wife can't see that as an issue.
You have a great compromise open to you here that will minimise confrontation and tension. Bad time of year to be travelling, costs and existing commitments. Suggest a spring/April christening...This is what I call the Dawkins Delusion. The idea that being an atheist means you have to be resolutely and publically anti any quasi religious ceremony at all.
Why do your family have to come if it means nothing to you?
Why do you have to go for that matter? Just let them get on with it.
My wife's family are Buddhist, with a bit of animism thrown in. Every time they see our 4 month old daugter they tie bits of string to her wrists, cut little bits of her hair and call her "na chang" which basically means that she's just ugly enough not to be of any interest to evil spirits. They're bonkers, but pretty nice people and utterly harmless. It's the way they've been brought up for generations.
There will be much more important differences in future.
Regarding not wanting children in the first place - tough. Too late, because you have one on the way. Yes your Ferrari plans have just taken a 2 decade set back, your house is going to be taken over with cots and nappies, your sex life is over for a good while and a good nights sleep is about to become a thing of the past.
The good part of seeing your own flesh and blood develop into a person is indescribable and even 6 months ago I couldn't comprehend how it feels to see my daughter make her little toothless smile when she sees me come in from work. It's something that even seeing doesn't quite make you believe.
So I'd set about learning to enjoy it if I was you because you're stuck with it for a few years yet, and moaning about it just makes you look like a right pillock.
Why do your family have to come if it means nothing to you?
Why do you have to go for that matter? Just let them get on with it.
My wife's family are Buddhist, with a bit of animism thrown in. Every time they see our 4 month old daugter they tie bits of string to her wrists, cut little bits of her hair and call her "na chang" which basically means that she's just ugly enough not to be of any interest to evil spirits. They're bonkers, but pretty nice people and utterly harmless. It's the way they've been brought up for generations.
There will be much more important differences in future.
Regarding not wanting children in the first place - tough. Too late, because you have one on the way. Yes your Ferrari plans have just taken a 2 decade set back, your house is going to be taken over with cots and nappies, your sex life is over for a good while and a good nights sleep is about to become a thing of the past.
The good part of seeing your own flesh and blood develop into a person is indescribable and even 6 months ago I couldn't comprehend how it feels to see my daughter make her little toothless smile when she sees me come in from work. It's something that even seeing doesn't quite make you believe.
So I'd set about learning to enjoy it if I was you because you're stuck with it for a few years yet, and moaning about it just makes you look like a right pillock.
Galileo said:
GTO Scott said:
My wife can't see that as an issue.
Neither can anyone else. Looks like you've got some growing up to do.A kind and merciful God would surely understand a few months delay whilst the parents adjust to their new responsibilities and focus all of their energies on the child.
Galileo said:
Neither can anyone else. Looks like you've got some growing up to do.
Actually my family and friends, as well as some of her family who live further afield, do see it as an issue.My wife won't have it in 2013 as the year has 13 in it. My rational, pre-pregnant wife wouldn't have cared one iota. She won't wait until 2014 as the baby will be 'too old'.
Is this the long slippery slope to 'the mental'?
Galileo said:
GTO Scott said:
My wife can't see that as an issue.
Neither can anyone else. Looks like you've got some growing up to do.Both my god kids were Christened at about 6 months, seemed a good idea to me as they were a little older and a bit more controlable and in routines which seemed to make things easier than Christenings of very young babies I've been to.
sawman said:
missing the VR6 said:
she's not exactly religious but got them christened as some of the best schools require it near us.
This is exactly what I find uncomfortable. If you want your kids into an apparently "better" school, why not buy into the the whole ethos, attending the church which supports the school, getting involved in the community because it's something you believe in.
It seems a bit dishonest to me.
AJS- said:
This is what I call the Dawkins Delusion. The idea that being an atheist means you have to be resolutely and publically anti any quasi religious ceremony at all.
Whilst I am an atheist I have no issue with the religious leanings of others - all I want is for sprog to be able to make her own choice.The last Christian fanatic who stopped me in the street didn't get the idea of choice. But then he also called me an idiot for not believing in god, and that god would send me to hell.
GTO Scott said:
AJS- said:
This is what I call the Dawkins Delusion. The idea that being an atheist means you have to be resolutely and publically anti any quasi religious ceremony at all.
Whilst I am an atheist I have no issue with the religious leanings of others - all I want is for sprog to be able to make her own choice.The last Christian fanatic who stopped me in the street didn't get the idea of choice. But then he also called me an idiot for not believing in god, and that god would send me to hell.
GTO Scott said:
Carthage said:
I felt the same way about my likely parental skills, or lack thereof.
That's why I've always used something called 'contraception'.
I feel that the issue of christening your daughter pales into insignificance beside the issue of your not wanting her.
As have I. However, as you are most likely aware, contraception is only 99% effective. Given that my wife and I had managed 5 years child-free, and neither of us had any issues with previous partners, I'd say we understand it pretty well. Yes, I suppose she could have had an abortion, but that was her choice. I could not, in any way, shape or form influence her decision on that as I wouldn't have been the one who had to deal with the emotional consequences.That's why I've always used something called 'contraception'.
I feel that the issue of christening your daughter pales into insignificance beside the issue of your not wanting her.
I always said I would do my best for the child if she ever got pregnant and I stand by that. I will not run away, I will give her the best life I can. But I cannot change how I feel, and I will not lie about it.
I note you seem to mention that children are 'expensive' and you won't be able buy the things you want to have.
Are you 16?
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