Wonder if Sir Munchalot reads The Lounge?!

Clearly the chap does need to eat with his mouth shut. But I also think your colleagues have you right, even you seem to accept that your thoughts are probably not acceptable!

Most excellent rant.

Hot desking innit.

I actually had a word with someone on the train the other day. We were just about to go, the train was pretty full, I was on a south west train on one of the 3 seat benches, I was the window side, and another chap was on the outside, leaving a middle space.

Now the middle space is just about enough space for a normal sized woman, or a thin bloke, now who should rock up and try and sit in this small space? Yes, you guessed it, a woman who must have been 5ft5 tall and not much less wide. A chode of a human being. She looked at the space, I looked at her, she knew she wouldn't fit, and she knew the words going through my head as I stared at her were "no dice fatty", but yep she fking did it anyway! She sat down (well one half of her gigantic fat fking arse did) and instantly squeezed my shoulder into the window and almost pushed the other bloke out into the aisle!

I said that is was very inconsiderate and a gross miss judgement of her spacial awareness. She said I was sexist and pulled out her kindle to predictably read a book about something she's never going to get because she's a fat bh - 50 shades.

English has no words for my dislike of these inconsiderate aholes.

Or punch him in the both.

Trains are quite accommodating too, you can be a big person and still be OK for space. However when you are just so fat that people move carriage to avoid having to look at you and feel worse about humanity, you should really stand, and probably jog on the spot, too.

Disgaree with that (the first part). I'm a reasonably big lad and am conscious that these seats were made for people who are 5ft 10 and 12 stone. Any taller/bigger, you're taking more room than the train company want you to.

Having said that, I sat next to a guy one day this week who was probably 5ft 8 and about 10 stone wet through and he was slouched so much that I, literally, had one bum cheek off the edge of the seat. He looked like a right miserably tt, otherwise I'd have said something. Or perhaps I should have done what all the other rude buggers do, like the 'lady' above, and just basically sat on his lap.

What would really piss him off, is if you kept telling him about your diet, and how you were surprised that despite eating only 1500 calories each day, you've only lost 2 stone. Maybe have a graph on your laptop which plots weight lost per day against calorie intake on the previous day.

Or download the one that says you are obese at 15 stone (that was a shock for me), and dead at 20 stone.

Or ask him "How many calories do you think are in that ......." every time he eats something. And finally say "no wonder you are so fking fat. That's 15000 fking calories in 3 hours"

Or tomorrow - bring him in a tub of lard.