I did something childish today.

[vaud]

hotchy said:

I was out shopping. Bored tbh, so grabbed a greasy Gregg's sausage roll. Mmmm. Anyway decided to entertain myself by secretly rubbing my hands like a naughty kid up every massive mirror in new look while she was browsing. She wondered why a grown man was giggling away like a school girl. Also the paper bag got hid in a shoe.

Thales said:

Are you mentally ill?

BigMon said:

Glad that's not just me. That's not childish just being a massive scrote.

Indeed. My children would never do that... Saying "poo poo wee wee", yes. Damaging someone else's property, never.

[carreauchompeur]

Thales said:

hotchy said:

I was out shopping. Bored tbh, so grabbed a greasy Gregg's sausage roll. Mmmm. Anyway decided to entertain myself by secretly rubbing my hands like a naughty kid up every massive mirror in new look while she was browsing. She wondered why a grown man was giggling away like a school girl. Also the paper bag got hid in a shoe.

Are you mentally ill?

Thank god, not just me raising an eyebrow!

[CopperBolt]

richtea78 said:

I got a verbal warning at Sainsburys for getting the girl at the customer service desk to tannoy "if anyone has seen Mike Hunt please call ext 252" May have mentioned it before

Bit of an old one to quote, but I wonder if Gayle Ord would also work as a prank name? " Can a Gayle Ord please report to the front desk"

[Starfighter]

Navy pipe heard years ago. Chief Thalidomide to the small arm stores.

[irocfan]

CopperBolt said:

Bit of an old one to quote, but I wonder if Gayle Ord would also work as a prank name? " Can a Gayle Ord please report to the front desk"

go to Orlando - there's a Gaylord Centre there. Have to admit that it does make me smile

[anonymous-user]

The containers at work are called gaylords. I thought it was a joke when I saw the sign saying "Gaylord storage area"...

[AshVX220]

Starfighter said:

Navy pipe heard years ago. Chief Thalidomide to the small arm stores.

I know it shouldn't, but as an ex-matelot that did make me chuckle!

[AshVX220]

Starfighter said:

Navy pipe heard years ago. Chief Thalidomide to the small arm stores.

This also reminded me of a funny dit that heard.

Years ago, when the RN decided to allow homo-sexuals to serve the PWO(U) (Principle Warfare Officer (Underwater)) of one of our old aircraft carriers, Illustrious I think, came out to his team.

They were alongside and his boyfriend came to visit the ship, the QM (Quater Master) on the gangway had to announce that he had a visitor to get him to come and meet said visitor, the announement apparently went;

"Could the PWO YOOHOO (in a very camp voice) come and take a visitor up the aft gangway"! Luckily, apparently he had a good sense of humour.

[kowalski655]

Surely gays gave always been in the RN
In fact,isn't it compulsory?

[Laurel Green]

kowalski655 said:

Surely gays gave always been in the RN
In fact,isn't it compulsory?

Yes, but, one doesn't have to like it!

[DaveTheRave87]

Just spent 2 and a bit workdays reading this, I'm productive.

I also printed a "suggestion box" label for the shredding bins.

[bongtom]

Got a four month old girl and as I went over to her she farted. I just so happen to have one brewing so popped it out. She then farted again. I followed suit. She did a third, whilst giggling, and I managed a third too.

At that point my wife smacked my leg and gave me the devil eyes. So I popped one more out just for good measure (baby did not comply).
Mother-in-law and sister were not impressed.

Top baby.

[toon10]

At work we have rotating metal security barriers to get access to our site. I saw that the young apprentice in my office was behind me so I swiped my pass, went through the gate and sneakily presented my pass to the sensor on the other side. The lad swiped his pass and walked into the barrier which wouldn't move as it was expecting someone the other way. He was there ages. I haven't even told him yet. He thinks there was a problem with the gate but I keep sniggering so he's starting to cotton on. For context, I'm a 45 year old professional, apparently.

[TVR_Steve]

toon10 said:

At work we have rotating metal security barriers to get access to our site. I saw that the young apprentice in my office was behind me so I swiped my pass, went through the gate and sneakily presented my pass to the sensor on the other side. The lad swiped his pass and walked into the barrier which wouldn't move as it was expecting someone the other way. He was there ages. I haven't even told him yet. He thinks there was a problem with the gate but I keep sniggering so he's starting to cotton on. For context, I'm a 45 year old professional, apparently.

[Spare tyre]

TVR_Steve said:

toon10 said:

At work we have rotating metal security barriers to get access to our site. I saw that the young apprentice in my office was behind me so I swiped my pass, went through the gate and sneakily presented my pass to the sensor on the other side. The lad swiped his pass and walked into the barrier which wouldn't move as it was expecting someone the other way. He was there ages. I haven't even told him yet. He thinks there was a problem with the gate but I keep sniggering so he's starting to cotton on. For context, I'm a 45 year old professional, apparently.

When people I know get a new car, I definitely don’t get a hole punch remain of the same colour as the car and stick it into the parking sensors

We once did a whole row ow cars, heeheh

[anonymous-user]

A few years ago, I found a photo of my sister when she was 5 wearing a green party dress with white frills. I then stuck it to the inside of her car rear window. She didn't notice for days but words were said when she did find out..

[vaud]

hotchy said:

I was out shopping. Bored tbh, so grabbed a greasy Gregg's sausage roll. Mmmm. Anyway decided to entertain myself by secretly rubbing my hands like a naughty kid up every massive mirror in new look while she was browsing. She wondered why a grown man was giggling away like a school girl. Also the paper bag got hid in a shoe.

Mental

flashbang said:

A few years ago, I found a photo of my sister when she was 5 wearing a green party dress with white frills. I then stuck it to the inside of her car rear window. She didn't notice for days but words were said when she did find out..

Childish

HTH

[irocfan]

flashbang said:

A few years ago, I found a photo of my sister when she was 5 wearing a green party dress with white frills. I then stuck it to the inside of her car rear window. She didn't notice for days but words were said when she did find out..

[CATstrangler]

Mobsta said:

My mother lives abroad, just bought a cat, she called it Mia.
The cat is extremely timid, a rescue cat. The cat was a mother once. Therefore is a Mrs.

I convinced her the cat needed a good strong name.
She doesn't understand why, but has agreed to rename it on my insistence Mrs Mia Wallace

(She has no tolerance for gangster type films, she's a sweet older lady, and I made her promise to check the cat into the vets using its full name)

I just discovered this thread last night and I've been bingeing it. Laughing my socks off.
You reminded me of a woman I knew who bought two kittens, a male and a female, for her kids. They are (apparently) Russian Blue cats and for some unfathomable reason she thinks I speak Russian. (I don't, beyond a few essentials like Beer, Cigarette Lighter, How much? etc).
So she asked me about Russian names for the kitties. Something nice. So I called her back a couple of hours later and said how about Siska for the girl cat and Popka for the boy?
AFAIK they are still going around calling for their cats with Russian slang for T1ts and Ar5e

Edited by CATstrangler on Sunday 15th March 15:19

[pad58]

Mmm wet boggies on the windscreen are a bugger to clear.

Apparently ??

Edited by pad58 on Sunday 15th March 16:42