Sean Connery Joke Thread (Vol 7)

Sean Connery Joke Thread (Vol 7)

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Justayellowbadge

Original Poster:

37,057 posts

241 months

Wednesday 3rd April 2013
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And go.

dmitsi

3,583 posts

219 months

Wednesday 3rd April 2013
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Do you try to open these at tennish?

ALawson

7,814 posts

250 months

Wednesday 3rd April 2013
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This joke was discussed at my fathers funeral last week, probably a repost but it was one of his favourites!

A wagon train got lost crossing the Plains and they're low on food and they see an old Norwegian sitting under a tree. They stop and ask him, "Is there food around here?" He says, "Well, I don't know, but I tell you, I wouldn't go that way — there's a big bacon tree over that hill." "A bacon tree?" "Yeah, so I wouldn't go that way."

The wagon train talked about it and a bacon tree sounded good to them so they went over the hill and over the next hill and a thousand Indians were waiting for them and attacked them from all sides and took them prisoner except for the leader who went crawling back to the old Norwegian and said, "There was no bacon tree there, just a mob of Indians who took everybody captive."

The Norwegian said, Vait a minute. He picked up his Norwegian-English dictionary and looked through it, and then said, "Oh, it wasn't a bacon tree. It was a ham bush."

blindswelledrat

25,257 posts

231 months

Wednesday 3rd April 2013
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That's a shame

Bollycerb

430 posts

165 months

Wednesday 3rd April 2013
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Does anyone know any Latvian jokes?

sunnygym

993 posts

174 months

Wednesday 3rd April 2013
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Can anyone help me with my Easter crossword puzzle?
2 across "where they nailed Jesus"?

im

34,302 posts

216 months

Wednesday 3rd April 2013
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In before the repost.

driverrob

4,687 posts

202 months

Wednesday 3rd April 2013
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Bollycerb said:
Does anyone know any Latvian jokes?
Not any more. Long forgotten memories. Like potato. Sad.

V8mate

45,899 posts

188 months

Wednesday 3rd April 2013
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Surprised we bothered with another volume.

K12beano

20,854 posts

274 months

Wednesday 3rd April 2013
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Is that even a joke?

It's just for The Muppets like us.....

We're all the same, you know, they're running out of new designs.

chunkymonkey71

13,015 posts

197 months

Wednesday 3rd April 2013
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Sean connery's agent phones him and says:

'Sean, can we have a meeting today about tennish?'

'Tennish?' Says Sean, 'It'll have to be nearer elevenish.'

Not really a joke, but neither was most of the last thread...

isee

3,713 posts

182 months

Wednesday 3rd April 2013
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chunkymonkey71 said:
Sean connery's agent phones him and says:

'Sean, can we have a meeting today about tennish?'

'Tennish?' Says Sean, 'It'll have to be nearer elevenish.'

Not really a joke, but neither was most of the last thread...
Wasn't funny in the last thread either wink

blindswelledrat

25,257 posts

231 months

Wednesday 3rd April 2013
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sunnygym said:
Can anyone help me with my Easter crossword puzzle?
2 across "where they nailed Jesus"?
Yes.
The answer is cross.

But as an aside to the joke thread I have got one left to get from todays Metro.
The clue is: Heavily laden postman

zac510

5,546 posts

205 months

Wednesday 3rd April 2013
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I heard he recently joined the Winnersh Tennis Club so this might become a regular thing for him.

chunkymonkey71

13,015 posts

197 months

Wednesday 3rd April 2013
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Sean Connery's agent calls him and says:

'Sean, can we have a meeting today about tennish?'

Sean replies:

'No, I'm too busy in Marbella, not paying any taksh but telling Scottish people how to vote.'

daveenty

2,357 posts

209 months

Wednesday 3rd April 2013
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blindswelledrat said:
But as an aside to the joke thread I have got one left to get from todays Metro.
The clue is: Heavily laden postman
Go on then, let's finish it: -

How many letters?


Oh, that many

K12beano

20,854 posts

274 months

Wednesday 3rd April 2013
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blindswelledrat said:
Metro.
A joke in this thread! So soon, too.

blindswelledrat

25,257 posts

231 months

Wednesday 3rd April 2013
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daveenty said:
Go on then, let's finish it: -

How many letters?


Oh, that many
Thank you.

>drumroll< Loads, he's fully laden

Tadaaaaa

Cotty

39,389 posts

283 months

Wednesday 3rd April 2013
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Two avid hunters take a hunter's safety class in which they learn that the universal signal for an emergency is three shots in the air.
Sure enough, on their next hunting trip the two men get lost.
One says to the other, "What shall we do?"
The other says, I know fire three shots in the air and someone may come to find us.
He fires off three shots, and they wait two hours. No sign of help.
What shall we do? Fire off three more shots. So he does. Three hours later there is no response and it is getting dark. The one says "Shall we try again?"
The other says, "I guess not... I only have two arrows left...


Alex

9,975 posts

283 months

Wednesday 3rd April 2013
quotequote all
I joined the new Tesco dating website.

They sent me a bag for life...
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