Sean Connery Joke Thread (Vol 7)

[Distant]

blindswelledrat said:

Fishtigua said:

1st Brummie: - "Have yow seen The Voice?"
2nd Brummie: - "Course I 'ave, it's on the bench in me shed next to me woodworking tools.

Bostin' ar kid.

Sorry to be picky but Im sure that not how a Brummie pronounces "Vice". Or was it supposed to be a different word?
Should be a farmer in that joke surely?

It's pretty close I reckon. My old mans a brummie, always great fun at family gatherings asking him to say "toy" and "tie", they're different words, containing different letters, pronounced differently. Unless you're a brummie.

Edited by Distant on Tuesday 16th April 17:51

[oobster]

The Cheers bar in Boston was a gathering point yesterday for the injured to receive treatment.

Sometimes you want to go where everybody knows you're maimed.





Sorry.

[smn159]

On a more positive note though, that's the next paralympics sorted...

[EDLT]

A Boston-related image macro, spoilered for the sensitive

[Salgar]

oobster said:

The Cheers bar in Boston was a gathering point yesterday for the injured to receive treatment.

Sometimes you want to go where everybody knows you're maimed.





Sorry.

I secretly enjoyed this.

[boobles]

mph999 said:

Can I politely request that there are NO boston jokes posted on here.
Seriously, this would be totally inappropriate.

Martin

Can I politely suggest that you don't read these pages for the next few weeks as I feel you may get upset.

[im]

After Sunday's events in Boston, there is to be a 30 second silence before the London marathon.

To listen for ticking.

[K12beano]

im said:

After Sunday's events in Boston.....

That's actually funny - for the surrealism that nothing happened on Sunday!!!!

[im]

K12beano said:

im said:

After Sunday's events in Boston.....

That's actually funny - for the surrealism that nothing happened on Sunday!!!!

..and let that be a lesson to the Sickipedia cut 'n' pasters out there!

[Ayahuasca]

There was controversy at the marathon when it emerged that the winner of the wheelchair event had started the race with two perfectly good legs.

[Marty63]

All this talk of dangerous, genetically modified food tasting horrible is nonsense. I mean, just today I had a delicious leg of salmon.

---

My kids reported me to Social services for hitting them, so I snuck into their room and nailed them together.

I figured if you can't beat them, join them.

---

My girlfriend thinks it's hilarious that my mates call me 'Kermit'.

She thinks they're implying that I'm skinny and neurotic.

She doesn't know they only began calling me that when I started shagging her.

---

A Pakistani Bloke came up to me yesterday and said "Short Back and Sides", then he said "Mohawk", and finally he spurted "Crew Cut".


Turns out he only Speaks in Hairdo.

[TorqueVR]

I know they miss-spelt "owned", but its still funny

[illmonkey]

When you say "they" you don't mean Aston Martin, right?

Good.

[LordGrover]

I suspect it's part of the joke.

[omgus]

And it's not funny, it's not even as clever as the original (real) advert the BMW ran in the US using that slogan.



They got in a little trouble for it.

[Monkey boy 1]

What did the dwarf get when he ran under a womans legs?

A flap round the face and a clit round the ear

[Nom de ploom]

Ayahuasca said:

There was controversy at the marathon when it emerged that the winner of the wheelchair event had started the race with two perfectly good legs.

that is actually very funny.

I was watching the end of the race seeing all those people being pushed in wheelchairs thinking - I could win that!

Imagine getting to the finish line and thinking "I've run a PB time...."

[droopsnoot]

Two men walking through the desert, desperate for a drink of water, get to the top of a dune and see a Bedouin market in the next valley. Overjoyed, they run down to the market and approach the nearest stallholder to ask him for some water.

"Sorry", he says, "I don't have any water. Only custard, jelly or sponge cake". Frustrated, they try the next stall. And the next, and the next one after that. Every stallholder just says the same thing, "sorry, I only have jelly, sponge cake or custard". Getting more and more thirsty, they leave the market and continue their search for water.

"That was very strange, back there" says the first man to his friend.

"I agree", says his friend, "it was a trifle bazaar".

[Agoogy]

As amazing as that used-Aston Martin woman clearly is...

What is she doing?

[Glassman]

Agoogy said:

As amazing as that used-Aston Martin woman clearly is...

What is she doing?

Pissing in the sink?