Sean Connery Joke Thread (Vol 7)
Discussion
An old man was on his death bed. He wanted badly to take all his money with him. He called his priest, his doctor and his lawyer to his bedside.
"Here's £30k cash to be held by each of you. I trust you to put this in my coffin when I die so I can take all my money with me."
At the funeral, each man put an envelope in the coffin. Riding away in a limousine, the priest suddenly broke into tears and confessed that he had only put £20k into the envelope because he needed £10k for a new baptistery.
"Well, since we're confiding in each other," said the doctor, "I only put £10k in the envelope because we needed a new machine at the hospital which cost £20k."
The lawyer was aghast. "I'm ashamed of both of you," he exclaimed. "I want it known that when I put my envelope in that coffin, it held my personal cheque for the full £30k."
"Here's £30k cash to be held by each of you. I trust you to put this in my coffin when I die so I can take all my money with me."
At the funeral, each man put an envelope in the coffin. Riding away in a limousine, the priest suddenly broke into tears and confessed that he had only put £20k into the envelope because he needed £10k for a new baptistery.
"Well, since we're confiding in each other," said the doctor, "I only put £10k in the envelope because we needed a new machine at the hospital which cost £20k."
The lawyer was aghast. "I'm ashamed of both of you," he exclaimed. "I want it known that when I put my envelope in that coffin, it held my personal cheque for the full £30k."
phil1979 said:
Jonboy_t said:
What's black and rhymes with Jay-Z?
Snoop.
(disclaimer - I don't actually know if this is true. I don't know my hippity-hop or whatever the kids nowadays call it)
You cocked that right up Snoop.
(disclaimer - I don't actually know if this is true. I don't know my hippity-hop or whatever the kids nowadays call it)
. It's...What's brown, and rhymes with Snoop?
Dr Dre.
k it. Close enough 
The room was full of pregnant women with their husbands.
The instructor said, "Ladies, remember that exercise is good for you. Walking is especially beneficial.
It strengthens the pelvic muscles and will make delivery that much easier.
Just pace yourself, make plenty of stops and try to stay on a soft surface like grass or a path."
"Gentlemen, remember -- you're in this together, it wouldn't hurt you to go walking with her.
In fact, that shared experience would be good for you both."
The room suddenly became very quiet as the men absorbed this information. After a
few moments a man, name unknown, at the back of the room, slowly raised his hand.
"Yes?" said the instructor.
"I was just wondering if it would be all right if she carries a golf bag while we walk?"
The instructor said, "Ladies, remember that exercise is good for you. Walking is especially beneficial.
It strengthens the pelvic muscles and will make delivery that much easier.
Just pace yourself, make plenty of stops and try to stay on a soft surface like grass or a path."
"Gentlemen, remember -- you're in this together, it wouldn't hurt you to go walking with her.
In fact, that shared experience would be good for you both."
The room suddenly became very quiet as the men absorbed this information. After a
few moments a man, name unknown, at the back of the room, slowly raised his hand.
"Yes?" said the instructor.
"I was just wondering if it would be all right if she carries a golf bag while we walk?"
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