Sean Connery Joke Thread (Vol 7)

[V8mate]

Hmmn. It's probably not the thread for you.

Do try a few others though!

[blindswelledrat]

LeeThr said:

I think I got a bit rough with my new girlfriend last night, I gave her a love bite and she farted and flew out of the window.

Are you 3? Did you really just post a joke about a fart making someone fly?

[gog440]

blindswelledrat said:

LeeThr said:

I think I got a bit rough with my new girlfriend last night, I gave her a love bite and she farted and flew out of the window.

Are you 3? Did you really just post a joke about a fart making someone fly?

I think he was implying that his "girlfriend" was Inflatable Ingrid.

[Justin Cyder]

I've just been watching the repeat of Margaret Thatcher's funeral and I've gone through an entire box of tissues.



Her granddaughter is something else.

[illmonkey]

blindswelledrat said:

LeeThr said:

I think I got a bit rough with my new girlfriend last night, I gave her a love bite and she farted and flew out of the window.

Are you 3? Did you really just post a joke about a fart making someone fly?

[944fan]

LeeThr said:

This is terrible but I needed something to get this thread in my contributions...


I think I got a bit rough with my new girlfriend last night, I gave her a love bite and she farted and flew out of the window.

Someone else watched Old Jews Telling Jokes on BBC 4 then?

[Chunkymonkey71]

illmonkey said:

blindswelledrat said:

LeeThr said:

I think I got a bit rough with my new girlfriend last night, I gave her a love bite and she farted and flew out of the window.

Are you 3? Did you really just post a joke about a fart making someone fly?

BSR in role reversal shocker!!!

[blindswelledrat]

gog440 said:

blindswelledrat said:

LeeThr said:

I think I got a bit rough with my new girlfriend last night, I gave her a love bite and she farted and flew out of the window.

Are you 3? Did you really just post a joke about a fart making someone fly?

I think he was implying that his "girlfriend" was Inflatable Ingrid.

Ah I see. I retract my comment.

[Nom de ploom]

Dilligaf10 said:

Nom de ploom said:

Dilligaf10 said:

Rolf Harris is re-releasing some of his old hits as a segue.

The first release wil be "Tie me two little boys down sport"

i wonder if whilst he was "alledgedly" fidddling he said "it started off, small, and its getting bigger - can you guess what it is yet?"

no wonder though where he got that hum-hidddie-hum face from....

Jake the Peg takes on a whole new sinister meaning as well!

It will take more than a bit of white paint to cover this one up...splidonge!!!!

[davhill]

Some say, he'll stay...by hook or by crook.
Some say he's Jordanian.
Some say he's a Klingon...

...all we know is, he's called...

...Abu Qatada.

[Marty63]

gog440 said:

blindswelledrat said:

LeeThr said:

I think I got a bit rough with my new girlfriend last night, I gave her a love bite and she farted and flew out of the window.

Are you 3? Did you really just post a joke about a fart making someone fly?

I think he was implying that his "girlfriend" was Inflatable Ingrid.

But did she have a runny nose..................

[Marty63]

oops, apologies mods.................

[grumpy52]

I always thought that when the latex lady in your life got a cold it was time for a new one.

[Marty63]

Scots M.C.


If Scotland gains its independence after the forthcoming referendum, the remainder of the United Kingdom will be known as the Former United Kingdom (F.U.K.).
In a bid to discourage Scots from voting 'Yes' in the referendum, Lib.Dems have now begun a campaign with the slogan:
"Please Vote No For FUK's Sake!"
They feel the Scottish people can relate to this, particularly those of Glaswegian origins !!

[Justayellowbadge]

I'm going to rewrite history.

History.

[Chevykevv]

Justayellowbadge said:

I'm going to rewrite history.

History.

I know where you got that

[Laurel Green]

In 1272, the Arabic Muslims invented the condom, using a goat's lower intestine.

In 1873, the British refined the idea by taking the intestine out of the goat first.

[LeeThr]

V8mate said:

Hmmn. It's probably not the thread for you.

Do try a few others though!

Like I said it was never the best "joke" I just needed a comment in here to have the thread back in the contributions, I was missing seeing vol 6 coming up.

[Evangelion]

Took a young lady to a restaurant this evening.
She said, "Are you having the same as me?"
I said, "What are you having?"
She said, "Tongue."
I said, "Tongue? TONGUE? That's gross, I could never eat anything that came out of an animal's mouth."
So I had an omelette.

[Justin Cyder]

Seems an appropriate moment to dust this off: What's the difference between JLS & Futurama?


There's only one Bender in Futurama.