Sean Connery Joke Thread (Vol 7)
Discussion
Laurel Green said:
Another golden oldie. Well perhaps just old.
A Redneck went to the hospital as his wife was having a baby.
Upon arriving he sits down, and the nurse says, "Congratulations, your wife has had quins, 5 big baby boys."
The Redneck says, "I'm not surprised, I have a penis on me like a chimney."
The nurse replies, "You might want to consider getting it cleaned, they’re all black."
A Redneck went to the hospital as his wife was having a baby.
Upon arriving he sits down, and the nurse says, "Congratulations, your wife has had quins, 5 big baby boys."
The Redneck says, "I'm not surprised, I have a penis on me like a chimney."
The nurse replies, "You might want to consider getting it cleaned, they’re all black."
Reminds me of this one:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UhGSYvub9R4
An Englishman, a Scott, and a Irishman walked into a pub.
Each orderd a pint of beer. Then a fly landed in each one's beer.
The Englishman, turning slightly green, pushed his beer away and asked for another one.
The Scott took the fly out, shrugged, and drank his beer.
The Irisman pinched the fly between his fingers and yelled
"SPIT IT OUT!" "SPIT IT OUT!"
Each orderd a pint of beer. Then a fly landed in each one's beer.
The Englishman, turning slightly green, pushed his beer away and asked for another one.
The Scott took the fly out, shrugged, and drank his beer.
The Irisman pinched the fly between his fingers and yelled
"SPIT IT OUT!" "SPIT IT OUT!"
lordstig said:
An Englishman, a Scott, and a Irishman walked into a pub.
Each orderd a pint of beer. Then a fly landed in each one's beer.
The Englishman, turning slightly green, pushed his beer away and asked for another one.
The Scott took the fly out, shrugged, and drank his beer.
The Irisman pinched the fly between his fingers and yelled
"SPIT IT OUT!" "SPIT IT OUT!"
More likely the behaviour of the sweaty?Each orderd a pint of beer. Then a fly landed in each one's beer.
The Englishman, turning slightly green, pushed his beer away and asked for another one.
The Scott took the fly out, shrugged, and drank his beer.
The Irisman pinched the fly between his fingers and yelled
"SPIT IT OUT!" "SPIT IT OUT!"
Three dead bodies turn up at the mortuary, all with very big smiles on their faces.
The coroner calls the police to tell them what has happened.
"First body: Pierre Dubois, Frenchman, 60, died of heart failure while making love to
his 20-year old mistress. Hence the enormous smile Inspector" says the Coroner.
"Second body: Hamish Campbell, Scotsman, 25, won £50,000 on the lottery, spent it
all on whisky. Died of alcohol poisoning, hence the smile."
The Inspector asked, "What about the third body?"
"Ah," says the coroner, "this is the most unusual one.
Paddy Murphy, Irish, 30, struck by lightning."
"Why is he smiling then?" inquires the Inspector
"He thought he was having his picture taken."
The coroner calls the police to tell them what has happened.
"First body: Pierre Dubois, Frenchman, 60, died of heart failure while making love to
his 20-year old mistress. Hence the enormous smile Inspector" says the Coroner.
"Second body: Hamish Campbell, Scotsman, 25, won £50,000 on the lottery, spent it
all on whisky. Died of alcohol poisoning, hence the smile."
The Inspector asked, "What about the third body?"
"Ah," says the coroner, "this is the most unusual one.
Paddy Murphy, Irish, 30, struck by lightning."
"Why is he smiling then?" inquires the Inspector
"He thought he was having his picture taken."
dave stew said:
Parsnip said:
dave stew said:
Hear about the circumcisor who missed?
He got the sack.
I was asking around for pricing quotes on a circumcision, the cheapest one was a rip off.He got the sack.
Justayellowbadge said:
dave stew said:
Parsnip said:
dave stew said:
Hear about the circumcisor who missed?
He got the sack.
I was asking around for pricing quotes on a circumcision, the cheapest one was a rip off.He got the sack.
slopes said:
Caruso said:
Jimmy Tarbuck could be getting that Live From Her Majesty's gig back sooner than he thought.
He has been reported as saying that in his defense, it wasn't a child he was f
king, it was Ronnie Corbett.So would I be if I was that fat and talentless.
im said:
Justayellowbadge said:
dave stew said:
Parsnip said:
dave stew said:
Hear about the circumcisor who missed?
He got the sack.
I was asking around for pricing quotes on a circumcision, the cheapest one was a rip off.He got the sack.
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