Sean Connery Joke Thread (Vol 7)
Discussion
bencollins said:
Miss Beatrice, the church organist, was in her eighties and had never been married. She was admired for sweetness and kindness to all. One afternoon the pastor came to call on her and she showed him into her quaint sitting room. She invited him to have a seat while she prepared tea.
As he sat facing her old pump organ, the young minister noticed a cut-glass bowl sitting on top of it. The bowl was filled with water. In the water floated, of all things, a condom! When she returned with tea and scones, they began to chat. The pastor tried to stifle his curiosity about the bowl of water and its strange floater, but soon it got the better of him and he could no longer resist. "Miss Beatrice", he said, "I wonder if you would tell me about this?" pointing to the bowl. "Oh, yes" she replied, "isn't it wonderful?
I was walking through the park a few months ago and I found this little package on the ground. The directions said to place it on the organ, keep it wet and that it would prevent the spread of disease. Do you know I haven't had the flu all winter!" The pastor fainted.
Is that when the fight started and the shot went unheard?As he sat facing her old pump organ, the young minister noticed a cut-glass bowl sitting on top of it. The bowl was filled with water. In the water floated, of all things, a condom! When she returned with tea and scones, they began to chat. The pastor tried to stifle his curiosity about the bowl of water and its strange floater, but soon it got the better of him and he could no longer resist. "Miss Beatrice", he said, "I wonder if you would tell me about this?" pointing to the bowl. "Oh, yes" she replied, "isn't it wonderful?
I was walking through the park a few months ago and I found this little package on the ground. The directions said to place it on the organ, keep it wet and that it would prevent the spread of disease. Do you know I haven't had the flu all winter!" The pastor fainted.
My brother is an avid fan of the Jack Reacher books so when we were confronted by five guys outside the pub, he said to me, "Just stay there... I'll handle this in the same way Jack would."
A few minutes later as I was calling the ambulance, I looked down at him and said, "Nice one Mike. I've read a few of those books myself, but I must have missed the one where Jack sh*t's himself in terror and cries like a girl.
A few minutes later as I was calling the ambulance, I looked down at him and said, "Nice one Mike. I've read a few of those books myself, but I must have missed the one where Jack sh*t's himself in terror and cries like a girl.
I must point out this one will only make sense to a very small number of our members, and those who live in and around Aberdeen.
______________________________________________
Question "What do you call a Scotsman in the Arabian desert"
Answer "Lawrence of Kemnay"
P.S. I am but the messenger.................
______________________________________________
Question "What do you call a Scotsman in the Arabian desert"
Answer "Lawrence of Kemnay"
P.S. I am but the messenger.................
After having dug to a depth of 10 feet last year, French scientists found traces of copper wire dating back 200 years and came to the conclusion that
their ancestors already had a telephone network more than 150 years ago.
Not to be outdone by the French: in the weeks that followed, American archaeologists dug to a depth of 20 feet before finding traces of copper wire.
Shortly afterwards, they published an article in the New York Times saying : "American archaeologists, having found traces of 250-year-old copper wire, have concluded that their ancestors already had an advanced high-tech communications network 50 years earlier than the French."
A few weeks later, 'The British Archaeological Society of Northern England' reported the following: "After digging down to a depth of 33 feet in the Barnsley area of South Yorkshire in 2011, Charlie Hardcastle, a self-taught local amateur archaeologist, reported that he had found absolutely f*ck all. Charlie has therefore concluded that 250 years ago, Britain had already gone wireless."
Just makes you bloody proud to be British, dunnit ?
their ancestors already had a telephone network more than 150 years ago.
Not to be outdone by the French: in the weeks that followed, American archaeologists dug to a depth of 20 feet before finding traces of copper wire.
Shortly afterwards, they published an article in the New York Times saying : "American archaeologists, having found traces of 250-year-old copper wire, have concluded that their ancestors already had an advanced high-tech communications network 50 years earlier than the French."
A few weeks later, 'The British Archaeological Society of Northern England' reported the following: "After digging down to a depth of 33 feet in the Barnsley area of South Yorkshire in 2011, Charlie Hardcastle, a self-taught local amateur archaeologist, reported that he had found absolutely f*ck all. Charlie has therefore concluded that 250 years ago, Britain had already gone wireless."
Just makes you bloody proud to be British, dunnit ?
crmcatee said:
Vipers said:
I must point out this one will only make sense to a very small number of our members, and those who live in and around Aberdeen.
______________________________________________
Question "What do you call a Scotsman in the Arabian desert"
Answer "Lawrence of Kemnay"
______________________________________________
Question "What do you call a Scotsman in the Arabian desert"
Answer "Lawrence of Kemnay"
Vipers said:
I must point out this one will only make sense to a very small number of our members, and those who live in and around Aberdeen.
______________________________________________
Question "What do you call a Scotsman in the Arabian desert"
Answer "Lawrence of Kemnay"
P.S. I am but the messenger.................
______________________________________________
Question "What do you call a Scotsman in the Arabian desert"
Answer "Lawrence of Kemnay"
P.S. I am but the messenger.................
It's been 14 years since I lived in Aberdeen. They can't still be there surely? Not still selling the same s
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