Sean Connery Joke Thread (Vol 7)

[Lordbenny]

Ya mama's so fat that when she walks in front of the TV Germany score 4 goals!

[Muntu]

[McAndy]

Shiba Inus and a joke. Well played!

[Pixelpeep]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EkzxGr4Yx8U

[Vipers]

Paddy taking his driving test.

Examiner says "What does one single yellow line mean"

Paddy says "No parking a'tall"

Examiner says "Whay does two yellow lines mean"

Paddy says "No parking a'tall a'tall"

[Monkey boy 1]

The night before the Football world cup final Angela Merkel phones up HRH the Queen to ask advice on the best way to defeat Argentina.
Her reply was 'It depends on how big ones Navy is'

[Muntu]

Kate Middleton asked the queen for advice on a long successful marriage. She replied "wear a selt belt and don't piss me off"...

[Muntu]

While I was driving to work on Friday, I ran into the car in front

When the driver got out I saw he was a midget, he looked at the damage and said "I'm not happy!"

I replied "well which one are you then?"

[Muntu]

Two blokes meet each other on the pavement both dragging their right foot.
The one bloke looks at the other knowingly, points to his foot and says,
"Nam,'69".
The other points his thumb behind him and says,
"Dog st, 20 feet back".

[jbudgie]

Muntu said:

While I was driving to work on Friday, I ran into the car in front

When the driver got out I saw he was a midget, he looked at the damage and said "I'm not happy!"

I replied "well which one are you then?"

You've just posted that for a bet haven't you ?

[Muntu]

jbudgie said:

Muntu said:

While I was driving to work on Friday, I ran into the car in front

When the driver got out I saw he was a midget, he looked at the damage and said "I'm not happy!"

I replied "well which one are you then?"

You've just posted that for a bet haven't you ?

It is marginally better than the average on this thread?

[Justin Cyder]

My mate was admiring my MX5 the other day. I said it's a great car but not very practical as we've just had a baby,so he said why don't I buy it off you for 5 grand?

I said go on then, you'll make a great dad.

[LordHaveMurci]

After Nigeria were eliminated from the world cup the Nigerian captain personally offered to refund all the expenses of fans that travelled to Brazil.
He said he just needs their bank details and pin numbers to complete the transaction.

[wiliferus]

Muntu said:

jbudgie said:

Muntu said:

While I was driving to work on Friday, I ran into the car in front

When the driver got out I saw he was a midget, he looked at the damage and said "I'm not happy!"

I replied "well which one are you then?"

You've just posted that for a bet haven't you ?

It is marginally better than the average on this thread?

It's also marginally older, and a repost of a repost...

[jbudgie]

Reposts to the power of Googol at least.

[oakdale]

jbudgie said:

Reposts to the power of Googol at least.

If it wasn't for the biggrin I'd think you were being grumpy, but I know that you're bigger than that.

[Vipers]

Reposts to the power of Googol at least.

[Muntu]

I came home from the pub four hours late last night.

"Where the fk have you been?" screamed my wife.

I said, "I've been playing poker with some blokes."

"Playing poker with some blokes?" she repeated. "Well, you can pack your bags and go!"

"So can you," I said. "This isn't our house anymore."

[LordHaveMurci]

Argentina have put in an appeal to FIFA stating that on the grounds the trophy was in Brazil and Argentina was therefore closer to it than Germany then it should rightfully be theirs.

[Hooli]

Muntu said:

I came home from the pub four hours late last night.

"Where the fk have you been?" screamed my wife.

I said, "I've been playing poker with some blokes."

"Playing poker with some blokes?" she repeated. "Well, you can pack your bags and go!"

"So can you," I said. "This isn't our house anymore."