Sean Connery Joke Thread (Vol 7)
Discussion
That's quite fanny.A bloke goes into a pub and the barmaid asks what he wants."I want to
bury my face in your cleavage and lick the sweat from between your tits" he
says.
"You dirty git" shouts the barmaid "get out before I get my husband."
The bloke apologises and promises not to repeat his gaffe.The barmaid
accepts this and asks him again what he wants.
"I want to pull your pants down, spread yoghurt between the cheeks of
your arse and lick it all off" he says.
"You dirty filthy pervert.You're barred. Get out!"she storms.
Again, the bloke apologises and swears never ever to do it again."One
more chance'" says the barmaid. "Now - what do you want?"
"I want to turn you upside down, open your legs and fill your fanny with
Stella Artois and then drink every last drop from it".
The barmaid is furious at this personal intrusion, and runs upstairs to
fetch her husband, who's sitting quietly watching the telly."What's up
love?" he asks."There's a bloke in the bar who wants to put hishead
between my tits and lick the sweat off", she says.
"I'll kill him. Where is he?" storms the husband.
" Then he said he wanted to pour yoghurt down between my arse cheeks and
lick it off" she screams.
"Right. He's dead," says the husband, reaching for a baseball bat.
"Then he said he wanted to turn me upside down, fill my fanny with
Stella and then drink it all" she cries.
The husband puts down his bat and returns to his armchair, and switches
the telly back on.
"Aren't you going to do something about it?" she cries
hysterically.......
"Look love- I'm not messing with someone who can drink 15 pints of
Stella!!!!
bury my face in your cleavage and lick the sweat from between your tits" he
says.
"You dirty git" shouts the barmaid "get out before I get my husband."
The bloke apologises and promises not to repeat his gaffe.The barmaid
accepts this and asks him again what he wants.
"I want to pull your pants down, spread yoghurt between the cheeks of
your arse and lick it all off" he says.
"You dirty filthy pervert.You're barred. Get out!"she storms.
Again, the bloke apologises and swears never ever to do it again."One
more chance'" says the barmaid. "Now - what do you want?"
"I want to turn you upside down, open your legs and fill your fanny with
Stella Artois and then drink every last drop from it".
The barmaid is furious at this personal intrusion, and runs upstairs to
fetch her husband, who's sitting quietly watching the telly."What's up
love?" he asks."There's a bloke in the bar who wants to put hishead
between my tits and lick the sweat off", she says.
"I'll kill him. Where is he?" storms the husband.
" Then he said he wanted to pour yoghurt down between my arse cheeks and
lick it off" she screams.
"Right. He's dead," says the husband, reaching for a baseball bat.
"Then he said he wanted to turn me upside down, fill my fanny with
Stella and then drink it all" she cries.
The husband puts down his bat and returns to his armchair, and switches
the telly back on.
"Aren't you going to do something about it?" she cries
hysterically.......
"Look love- I'm not messing with someone who can drink 15 pints of
Stella!!!!
Dusty964 said:
Top tip-
Save time when typing fish based puns, by not bothering.
Simply look back through the thread for last time they were posted, realise they were tragically unfunny then (and no doubt the time before, and before that, and before that) and disregard the notion of trotting them out again.......
What is wrong with some people? This is a load of Cobblers. I came here to read jokes, not listen to you Carp on about how unfunny the world is. What a Bleak outlook on life, such a Crappie attitude. I often wonder if you lack the ability to make fish references yourself, and the response is that of a Greeneye'd monster. If you could cheer up for 5 minutes, that'd be Brill.Save time when typing fish based puns, by not bothering.
Simply look back through the thread for last time they were posted, realise they were tragically unfunny then (and no doubt the time before, and before that, and before that) and disregard the notion of trotting them out again.......
Some Gump said:
Dusty964 said:
Top tip-
Save time when typing fish based puns, by not bothering.
Simply look back through the thread for last time they were posted, realise they were tragically unfunny then (and no doubt the time before, and before that, and before that) and disregard the notion of trotting them out again.......
What is wrong with some people? This is a load of Cobblers. I came here to read jokes, not listen to you Carp on about how unfunny the world is. What a Bleak outlook on life, such a Crappie attitude. I often wonder if you lack the ability to make fish references yourself, and the response is that of a Greeneye'd monster. If you could cheer up for 5 minutes, that'd be Brill.Save time when typing fish based puns, by not bothering.
Simply look back through the thread for last time they were posted, realise they were tragically unfunny then (and no doubt the time before, and before that, and before that) and disregard the notion of trotting them out again.......
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