Sean Connery Joke Thread (Vol 7)

[TheEnd]

Live each day like it's your last. I spent the morning in a solicitors office writing a Will, looking forward to grave digging later.

I'm so cool, the Air Conditioning turns me on.

I have proof the Loch Ness monster is a mammal. Guesthouses in the area have been milking it for years.

[Gargamel]

I will make a note to brush up on some new jokes.

[Nom de ploom]

"The grim reaper once had a near Chuck Norris experience"

from readily available Chuck memes but that one tickled me in particular...

[Jonboy_t]

Nom de ploom said:

"The grim reaper once had a near Chuck Norris experience"

from readily available Chuck memes but that one tickled me in particular...

My personal favourite:

I'm sick of all this talk about Chuck Norris. "Chuck Norris is so amazing", "Chuck Norris can do this and that", "Chuck Norris is so hard" etc. It's all bullst!

If he was so fking amazing, why can't he sense me bad mouthing him and just appear behind me and smash my face into the keyboaropidnaogfnwpifjgpfjidbn

[McAndy]

Jonboy_t said:

My personal favourite:

I'm sick of all this talk about Chuck Norris. "Chuck Norris is so amazing", "Chuck Norris can do this and that", "Chuck Norris is so hard" etc. It's all bullst!

If he was so fking amazing, why can't he sense me bad mouthing him and just appear behind me and smash my face into the keyboaropidnaogfnwpifjgpfjidbn

[McAndy]

TheEnd said:

I have proof the Loch Ness monster is a mammal. Guesthouses in the area have been milking it for years.

[Petemate]

Hope this has not been on before, but - what the heck, I found it funny.....

An older couple, who were both widowed, had been going out with each other for a long time.
Urged on by their friends, they decided it was finally time to get married. Before the wedding, they went out to dinner and had a long conversation regarding how their marriage might work.
They discussed finances, living arrangements, and so on. Finally, the old gentleman decided it was time to broach the subject of their physical relationship. "How do you feel about sex?" he asked, rather tentatively.
"I would like it infrequently ", she replied.
The old gentleman sat quietly for a moment, adjusted his glasses, then leaned over towards her and whispered, "Is that one word or two?"

[mybrainhurts]

[HA51EMT]

The inventor of the anagram has died.

May he erect a penis.

[FredClogs]

http://www.projectmapping.co.uk/Reviews/Resources/...

Funniest thing I've seen in a long time

[Hugo a Gogo]

Castleford?

[FredClogs]

Hugo a Gogo said:

Castleford?

Well spotted.

[AW111]

HA51EMT said:

The inventor of the anagram has died.

May he erect a penis.

Excellent!

[schmunk]

Hugo a Gogo said:

Castleford?

I suggest Scrotal Fed

[FredClogs]

schmunk said:

Hugo a Gogo said:

Castleford?

I suggest Scrotal Fed

My colleague suggested "Elf rods cat"

[Hugo a Gogo]

FredClogs said:

schmunk said:

Hugo a Gogo said:

Castleford?

I suggest Scrotal Fed

My colleague suggested "Elf rods cat"

your nickname: ol' scat fred

[McAndy]

Hugo a Gogo said:

FredClogs said:

schmunk said:

Hugo a Gogo said:

Castleford?

I suggest Scrotal Fed

My colleague suggested "Elf rods cat"

your nickname: ol' scat fred

Or a very simple one to bring confusion to Royal Mail: Ford Castle

[FredClogs]

Hugo a Gogo said:

FredClogs said:

schmunk said:

Hugo a Gogo said:

Castleford?

I suggest Scrotal Fed

My colleague suggested "Elf rods cat"

your nickname: ol' scat fred

Wait a minute that's not funny...

[cjb1]

Think I'll nip out until this goes away

[Nom de ploom]

FredClogs said:

Hugo a Gogo said:

FredClogs said:

schmunk said:

Hugo a Gogo said:

Castleford?

I suggest Scrotal Fed

My colleague suggested "Elf rods cat"

your nickname: ol' scat fred

Wait a minute that's not funny...

castrol fed?