Sean Connery Joke Thread (Vol 7)

Sean Connery Joke Thread (Vol 7)

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Vipers

32,900 posts

229 months

Monday 8th September 2014
quotequote all

MEDICAL ALERT

Australian Medical Association researchers have found that patients needing blood transfusions may benefit from receiving chicken blood rather than human blood. It tends to make the men cocky and the women lay better.

Just thought you'd like to know.




smile

K12beano

20,854 posts

276 months

Tuesday 9th September 2014
quotequote all
Knock, knock

"Who's there?"

"Och, it's Alex....Alex Sa----"

"OH FFS! HAVEN'T YOU LOT GONE YET!"

VladD

7,859 posts

266 months

Tuesday 9th September 2014
quotequote all
K12beano said:
Knock, knock

"Who's there?"

"Och, it's Alex....Alex Sa----"

"OH FFS! HAVEN'T YOU LOT GONE YET!"
rofl

VladD

7,859 posts

266 months

Tuesday 9th September 2014
quotequote all
I took some baby goats to a livestock competition at the local county show. Imagine my disappointment when I found out that Alan Hansen was judging it.

Vipers

32,900 posts

229 months

Tuesday 9th September 2014
quotequote all
VladD said:
I took some baby goats to a livestock competition at the local county show. Imagine my disappointment when I found out that Alan Hansen was judging it.
What am I missing................




smile

VladD

7,859 posts

266 months

Tuesday 9th September 2014
quotequote all
Vipers said:
What am I missing................




smile
A knowledge of football? wink

Linky

marshalla

15,902 posts

202 months

Tuesday 9th September 2014
quotequote all
VladD said:
Vipers said:
What am I missing................

smile
A knowledge of football? wink

Linky
Vipers - it appears you are missing nothing at all. (At least, the young lady tells me it's all present and correct).

Vipers

32,900 posts

229 months

Tuesday 9th September 2014
quotequote all
VladD said:
Vipers said:
What am I missing................




smile
A knowledge of football? wink

Linky
Fortunately, yes, I probably know more about rocket science than football. Thanks for the link, I am sure there is some humour there.




smile

Capts29

33 posts

136 months

Tuesday 9th September 2014
quotequote all
what does a Wellington boot and George Michael have in common?
They both get sucked off in bogs

Capts29

33 posts

136 months

Tuesday 9th September 2014
quotequote all
what does a Wellington boot and George Michael have in common?
They both get sucked off in bogs

Laurel Green

30,782 posts

233 months

Tuesday 9th September 2014
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I'm sure it happened more than twice!

BreakingBad

325 posts

118 months

Tuesday 9th September 2014
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I had eighteen bottles of whiskey in my cellar and was told by my wife to empty the contents of each and every bottle down the sink, or else!
I said I would and proceeded with the unpleasant task.
I withdrew the cork from the first bottle and poured the contents down the sink with the exception of one glass, which I drank.
I then withdrew the cork from the second bottle and did likewise with it, with the exception of one glass, which I drank.
I then withdrew the cork from the third bottle and poured the whiskey down the sink which I drank.
I pulled the cork from the fourth bottle down the sink and poured the bottle down the glass, which I drank.
I pulled the bottle from the cork of the next and drank one sink out of it and threw the rest down the glass.
I pulled the sink out of the next glass and poured the cork down the bottle then I corked the sink with the glass, bottled the drink and drank the pour.
When I had everything emptied, I steadied the house with one hand, counted the glasses, corks, bottles and sinks with the other - which were 29 - and, as the houses came by, I counted them again and finally I had all the houses in one bottle, which I drank..
I am not under the affluence of incohol as some thinkle peep I am. I'm not half as thunk as you might drink but I fool so feelish I don't know who is me and the drinker I stand here, the longer I get.

Cheers!

Monkeylegend

26,465 posts

232 months

Tuesday 9th September 2014
quotequote all
BreakingBad said:
I had eighteen bottles of whiskey in my cellar and was told by my wife to empty the contents of each and every bottle down the sink, or else!
I said I would and proceeded with the unpleasant task.
I withdrew the cork from the first bottle and poured the contents down the sink with the exception of one glass, which I drank.
I then withdrew the cork from the second bottle and did likewise with it, with the exception of one glass, which I drank.
I then withdrew the cork from the third bottle and poured the whiskey down the sink which I drank.
I pulled the cork from the fourth bottle down the sink and poured the bottle down the glass, which I drank.
I pulled the bottle from the cork of the next and drank one sink out of it and threw the rest down the glass.
I pulled the sink out of the next glass and poured the cork down the bottle then I corked the sink with the glass, bottled the drink and drank the pour.
When I had everything emptied, I steadied the house with one hand, counted the glasses, corks, bottles and sinks with the other - which were 29 - and, as the houses came by, I counted them again and finally I had all the houses in one bottle, which I drank..
I am not under the affluence of incohol as some thinkle peep I am. I'm not half as thunk as you might drink but I fool so feelish I don't know who is me and the drinker I stand here, the longer I get.

Cheers!
You should never drink copious amounts of alcohol then post on the internet, you will regret it in the morning.

vx220

2,691 posts

235 months

Tuesday 9th September 2014
quotequote all
What's Forrest Gumps password?




1Forrest1

LordHaveMurci

12,045 posts

170 months

Wednesday 10th September 2014
quotequote all
vx220 said:
What's Forrest Gumps password?




1Forrest1
Considering how old this joke must be, I've never heard it before thumbup

Pixelpeep7r

8,600 posts

143 months

Wednesday 10th September 2014
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Although a lot of people don't see the harm in the Clarkson comments; snide, racist, 'tongue in cheek' comments are just a slippery slope to full blown discrimination.

smn159

12,715 posts

218 months

Wednesday 10th September 2014
quotequote all
Pixelpeep7r said:
Although a lot of people don't see the harm in the Clarkson comments; snide, racist, 'tongue in cheek' comments are just a slippery slope to full blown discrimination.
confused

Justin Cyder

12,624 posts

150 months

Wednesday 10th September 2014
quotequote all
smn159 said:
confused
Slope.

Pixelpeep7r

8,600 posts

143 months

Wednesday 10th September 2014
quotequote all
Justin Cyder said:
smn159 said:
confused
Slope.
slope is arguably ok, but not when you add a negative, 'slippery'

smile

EarlOfHazard

3,603 posts

159 months

Wednesday 10th September 2014
quotequote all
vx220 said:
What's Forrest Gumps password?




1Forrest1
It has been annoying me for ages because I forgot the name of the actor that played forrest gump, then someone told me today.

T.Hanks
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