Sean Connery Joke Thread (Vol 7)

[Gandahar]

karona said:

Nimby said:

Petemate said:

Deffo worth 3

Except it's the third time that joke has been posted in this thread. First was "Edinburger" on Aug 19 and then "Karona" on Aug 22.

I bet you're a fking hoot in your local bar:
"Boring, Joe Bloggs told that joke a month ago in the Rose and Crown"
You need to get a fking life, not everyone has time to read every post on every thread, like you obviously do!

But you have 500 more posts than the person you say should get a life

[Ari]

silverfoxcc said:

Went to Pepper Pig world today. Loads of families all enjoying themselves.
Cant understand why i never saw any Muslim or Jewish ones

Was that funny in your head..?

[bencollins]

Alex Salmond has gone. The next leader could be Nicola Sturgeon, presumably followed by Captain Haddock

[edo]

Royal reaction to Alex Salmond resigning

[iva cosworth]

edo said:

Royal reaction to Alex Salmond resigning

That's just about the only amusing post on this page.

[Petemate]

bencollins said:

Alex Salmond has gone. The next leader could be Nicola Sturgeon, presumably followed by Captain Haddock

Now that is DEFINITELY worth 3.

[vx220]

Petemate said:

Now that is DEFINITELY worth 3.

Is it?

[NoNeed]

Apparently, Sean Connery got a call from Alex Salmond, who says 'you ok to broadcast to the nation about 10ish?'. Connery replies 'Tennish' I know fk all about the game, try Andy Murray'

[Bbunter]

How many D's are there in 'Match of the day'?

it's 211, to stop you from counting (dee dee dee dee dee dee dee dee dee etc)

[Jonboy_t]

I made a Belgian waffle this morning!

Then, this afternoon, I made a Frenchman talk complete bks.

(Thank you Mock The Week!)

[Petemate]

vx220 said:

Is it?

Yes, for me with my silly SOH.

[grumpy52]

Met a real gangster in the tailors
He kept pulling my trousers up
It was Wedgie Kray

[Ari]

Is it half term already..?

[vx220]

grumpy52 said:

Met a real gangster in the tailors
He kept pulling my trousers up
It was Wedgie Kray

THAT is worth three rolly smileys!

[Vipers]

The seven dwarves always left home very early each morning to go to work in the mine.
As always, Snow McWhite stayed at home doing her domestic chores.
As lunchtime approached, she would prepare their lunches and take them to the mine.

One day as she arrived at the mine with their lunches, she saw that there had been a terrible cave-in.
Tearfully, and fearing the worst, Snow McWhite began calling out, hoping against hope that the dwarves had somehow survived.

'Hello. Hello!' she shouted. 'Can anyone hear me? Hello!'

For a long while, there was no answer. Losing hope, Snow McWhite again shouted, 'Hello! Is anyone down there?'

Just as she was about to give up all hope, she heard a faint voice from deep within the mine,
“VOTE YES FOR ALEC SALMOND AND INDEPENDENCE”.

Snow McWhite fell to her knees and prayed, "Oh, thank you, God! At least Dopey is still alive!"

[Chunkymonkey71]

It would be great if Sean Connery did adverts for British Gas!

(Not a joke, just an observation)

[kowalski655]

Speaking of Scottish Independence and Sean Connery,here is the man himself on the subject
(although as it is actually voiced by the great Jerry Sadowitz, needless to say it is very VERY VERY NSFW !!!!!!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TQy_bfjy9l4

[rev-erend]

kowalski655 said:

Speaking of Scottish Independence and Sean Connery,here is the man himself on the subject
(although as it is actually voiced by the great Jerry Sadowitz, needless to say it is very VERY VERY NSFW !!!!!!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TQy_bfjy9l4

very good.

[mybrainhurts]

Knock, knock

Who's there?

Getyer

Getyer who?

Getyer tits out fer the lads.

[illmonkey]

mybrainhurts said:

Knock, knock

Who's there?

Getyer

Getyer who?

Getyer tits out fer the lads.

Oh dear.