Sean Connery Joke Thread (Vol 7)
Discussion
An Indian chief was feeling very sick, so he summoned the medicine man. After a brief examination, the medicine man took out a long, thin strip of elk hide and gave it to the chief, instructing him to bite off, chew and swallow one inch of the leather every day. After a month, the medicine man returned to see how the chief was feeling. The chief shrugged and said...
... "The thong is ended, but the malady lingers on."
... "The thong is ended, but the malady lingers on."
Let's get this over quickly!
I Win! by U. Lose
Robots by Anne Droid
Danger! by Luke Out
Cloning by Irma Dubble II
Hot Dog! by Frank Furter
Cry Wolf by Al Armist
Wake Up! by Sal Ammoniac
I'm Fine by Howard Yu
Gambling by Monty Carlos
Mensa Man by Gene Yuss
Big Fart! by Hugh Jass
Hypnotism by N. Tranced
Downpour! by Wayne Dwops
Full Moon by Seymour Buns
Sea Birds by Al Batross
Teach Me! by I. Wanda Know
I Say So! by Frank O. Pinion
Tug of War by Paul Hard
Surprised! by Omar Gosh
Beekeeping by A. P. Arry
Good Works by Ben Evolent
Golly Gosh! by G. Whiz
It's Magic! by Sven Gali
April Fool! by Sue Prize
Come on in! by Doris Open
Parachuting by Hugo First
Get Moving! by Sheik Aleg
I Like Fish by Ann Chovie
Leo Tolstoy by Warren Peace
May Flowers by April Showers
Pain Relief by Ann L. Gesick
It's Unfair! by Y. Me
Armed Heists by Robin Banks
How to Annoy by Aunt Agonize
Racketeering by Dennis Court
I Love Wills by Benny Fishery
Stop Arguing by Xavier Breath
Sofa so Good by Chester Field
Riel Ambush! by May T. Surprise
Falling Trees by Tim Burr
Monkey Shines by Bob Boone
Why Cars Stop by M.T. Tank
Turtle Racing by Eubie Quick
Military Rule by Marshall Law
I Like Liquor by Ethyl Alcohol
I Love Crowds by Morris Merrier
The Yellow River, by I. P. Freely
Off To Market by Tobias A. Pigg
A Great Plenty by E. Nuff
Mosquito Bites by Ivan Itch
My Lost Causes by Noah Veil
Grave Mistakes by Paul Bearer
Get Out There! by Sally Forth
Red Vegetables by B. Troot
Irish Flooring by Lynn O'Leum
Highway Travel by Dusty Rhodes
It's a Shocker by Alec Tricity
Keep it Clean! by Armand Hammer
I Hit the Wall by Isadore There
Ship Mysteries by Marie Celeste
I Hate the Sun by Gladys Knight
It's a Holdup! by Nick R. Elastic
He Disappeared! by Otto Sight
I Hate Fighting by Boris Hell
Mexican Revenge by Monty Zuma
I Didn't Do It! by Ivan Alibi
Life in Chicago by Wendy City
Without Warning by Oliver Sudden
Pain in My Body by Otis Leghurts
Desert Crossing by I. Rhoda Camel
Candle-Vaulting by Jack B. Nimble
Happy New Year! by Mary Christmas
You're Kidding! by Shirley U. Jest
Webster's Words by Dick Shunnary
Those Funny Dogs by Joe Kur
Wind Instruments by Tom Bone
Winning the Race by Vic Tree
Crocodile Dundee by Ali Gator
Covered Walkways by R. Kade
I Need Insurance by Justin Case
Whatchamacallit! by Thingum Bob
Let's Do it Now! by Igor Beaver
I'm Someone Else by Ima Nonymous
Animal Illnesses by Ann Thrax
He's Contagious! by Lucas Measles
The Great Escape by Freida Convict
Music of the Sea by Lawrence Whelk
Breaking the Law by Kermit A. Krime
Cooking Spaghetti by Al Dente
Smart Beer Making by Bud Wiser
Good Housekeeping by Lottie Dust
Mountain Climbing by Andover Hand
Theft and Robbery by Andy Tover
Equine Leg Cramps by Charlie Horse
The Lion Attacked by Claudia Armoff
Poetry in Baseball by Homer
I Love Mathematics by Adam Up
Exercise on Wheels by Cy Kling
Measles Collision! by Kay Rash
Unsolved Mysteries by N. Igma
I Lived in Detroit by Helen Earth
Lots of Excitement by Hugh N. Cry
String Instruments by Viola Player
Outdoor Activities by Alf Resco
Maritime Disasters by Andrea Doria
Smash His Lobster! by Buster Crabbe
The Unknown Rodent by A. Nonny Mouse
In the Arctic Ocean by Isa Berg
Perverted Mushrooms by M. Morel
Modern Tree Watches by Anna Log
Noise is Forbidden! by Nada Loud
I Must Fix the Car! by Otto Doit
Snakes of the World by Anna Conda
The Housing Problem by Rufus Quick
Artificial Clothing by Polly Ester
More for Your Money by Max Amize
If I Invited Him... by Woody Kum
Two Thousand Pounds! by Juan Ton
Assault with Battery by Eva Ready
Gunslingers with Gas by Wyatt Urp
Soak Your Ex-Husband by Ali Money
And the Other People by Allan Sundry
Overweight Vegetables by O. Beets
A Trip to the Dentist by Yin Pain
Mineralogy for Giants by Chris Tall
Bring to the Grocer's by R. List
Almost Missed the Bus by Justin Time
My Life in the Gutter by Yves Trough
Things to Cook Meat In by Stu Potts
Los Angeles Pachyderms by L.A. Funt
Clothes for Germ Kings by Mike Robes
Tyrant of the Potatoes by Dick Tater
I Hate Monday Mornings by Gaetan Oop
The Fall of a Watermelon by S. Platt
Pull with All You've Got! by Eve Ho
I Love Fractions by Lois C. Denominator
Military Defeats by Major Disaster and General Mayhem
Judging Fast Food by Warren Berger
I Lost My Balance by Eileen Dover and Paul Down
House Construction by Bill Jerome Holme
Kangaroo Illnesses by Marcus Wallaby, M.D.
Exotic Irish Plants by Phil O'Dendron
Musical Gunfighters by The Okay Chorale
A Whole Lot of Cats by Kitt N. Caboodle
I Work with Diamonds by Jules Sparkle
Lawyers of Suffering by Grin and Barrett
Flogging in the Army by Corporal Punishment
Errors and Accidents by Miss Takes and Miss Haps
Christmas for Baldies by Yule Brynner
Where to Find Islands by Archie Pelago
French Overpopulation by Francis Crowded
How to Tour the Prison by Robin Steele
I Like Weeding Gardens by Manuel Labour
Who Killed Cock Robin? by Howard I. Know
The Effects of Alcohol by Sir Osis of Liver
Daddy are We There Yet? by Miles Away
The Excitement of Trees by I. M. Board
No More Circuit Breakers! by Ira Fuse
You're a Bundle of Laughs by Vera Funny
The Industrial Revolution by Otto Mattick
Artificial Weightlessness by Andy Gravity
The Palace Roof has a Hole by Lee King
Ecclesiastical Infractions by Cardinal Sin
Preaching to Hell's Angels by Pastor Redlight
Songs from 'South Pacific' by Sam and Janet Evening
I Was a Cloakroom Attendant by Mahatma Coate
Fifty Yards to the Outhouse by Willy Makit; Foreward by Betty Wont
Foot Problems of Big Lumberjacks by Paul Bunion
I Win! by U. Lose
Robots by Anne Droid
Danger! by Luke Out
Cloning by Irma Dubble II
Hot Dog! by Frank Furter
Cry Wolf by Al Armist
Wake Up! by Sal Ammoniac
I'm Fine by Howard Yu
Gambling by Monty Carlos
Mensa Man by Gene Yuss
Big Fart! by Hugh Jass
Hypnotism by N. Tranced
Downpour! by Wayne Dwops
Full Moon by Seymour Buns
Sea Birds by Al Batross
Teach Me! by I. Wanda Know
I Say So! by Frank O. Pinion
Tug of War by Paul Hard
Surprised! by Omar Gosh
Beekeeping by A. P. Arry
Good Works by Ben Evolent
Golly Gosh! by G. Whiz
It's Magic! by Sven Gali
April Fool! by Sue Prize
Come on in! by Doris Open
Parachuting by Hugo First
Get Moving! by Sheik Aleg
I Like Fish by Ann Chovie
Leo Tolstoy by Warren Peace
May Flowers by April Showers
Pain Relief by Ann L. Gesick
It's Unfair! by Y. Me
Armed Heists by Robin Banks
How to Annoy by Aunt Agonize
Racketeering by Dennis Court
I Love Wills by Benny Fishery
Stop Arguing by Xavier Breath
Sofa so Good by Chester Field
Riel Ambush! by May T. Surprise
Falling Trees by Tim Burr
Monkey Shines by Bob Boone
Why Cars Stop by M.T. Tank
Turtle Racing by Eubie Quick
Military Rule by Marshall Law
I Like Liquor by Ethyl Alcohol
I Love Crowds by Morris Merrier
The Yellow River, by I. P. Freely
Off To Market by Tobias A. Pigg
A Great Plenty by E. Nuff
Mosquito Bites by Ivan Itch
My Lost Causes by Noah Veil
Grave Mistakes by Paul Bearer
Get Out There! by Sally Forth
Red Vegetables by B. Troot
Irish Flooring by Lynn O'Leum
Highway Travel by Dusty Rhodes
It's a Shocker by Alec Tricity
Keep it Clean! by Armand Hammer
I Hit the Wall by Isadore There
Ship Mysteries by Marie Celeste
I Hate the Sun by Gladys Knight
It's a Holdup! by Nick R. Elastic
He Disappeared! by Otto Sight
I Hate Fighting by Boris Hell
Mexican Revenge by Monty Zuma
I Didn't Do It! by Ivan Alibi
Life in Chicago by Wendy City
Without Warning by Oliver Sudden
Pain in My Body by Otis Leghurts
Desert Crossing by I. Rhoda Camel
Candle-Vaulting by Jack B. Nimble
Happy New Year! by Mary Christmas
You're Kidding! by Shirley U. Jest
Webster's Words by Dick Shunnary
Those Funny Dogs by Joe Kur
Wind Instruments by Tom Bone
Winning the Race by Vic Tree
Crocodile Dundee by Ali Gator
Covered Walkways by R. Kade
I Need Insurance by Justin Case
Whatchamacallit! by Thingum Bob
Let's Do it Now! by Igor Beaver
I'm Someone Else by Ima Nonymous
Animal Illnesses by Ann Thrax
He's Contagious! by Lucas Measles
The Great Escape by Freida Convict
Music of the Sea by Lawrence Whelk
Breaking the Law by Kermit A. Krime
Cooking Spaghetti by Al Dente
Smart Beer Making by Bud Wiser
Good Housekeeping by Lottie Dust
Mountain Climbing by Andover Hand
Theft and Robbery by Andy Tover
Equine Leg Cramps by Charlie Horse
The Lion Attacked by Claudia Armoff
Poetry in Baseball by Homer
I Love Mathematics by Adam Up
Exercise on Wheels by Cy Kling
Measles Collision! by Kay Rash
Unsolved Mysteries by N. Igma
I Lived in Detroit by Helen Earth
Lots of Excitement by Hugh N. Cry
String Instruments by Viola Player
Outdoor Activities by Alf Resco
Maritime Disasters by Andrea Doria
Smash His Lobster! by Buster Crabbe
The Unknown Rodent by A. Nonny Mouse
In the Arctic Ocean by Isa Berg
Perverted Mushrooms by M. Morel
Modern Tree Watches by Anna Log
Noise is Forbidden! by Nada Loud
I Must Fix the Car! by Otto Doit
Snakes of the World by Anna Conda
The Housing Problem by Rufus Quick
Artificial Clothing by Polly Ester
More for Your Money by Max Amize
If I Invited Him... by Woody Kum
Two Thousand Pounds! by Juan Ton
Assault with Battery by Eva Ready
Gunslingers with Gas by Wyatt Urp
Soak Your Ex-Husband by Ali Money
And the Other People by Allan Sundry
Overweight Vegetables by O. Beets
A Trip to the Dentist by Yin Pain
Mineralogy for Giants by Chris Tall
Bring to the Grocer's by R. List
Almost Missed the Bus by Justin Time
My Life in the Gutter by Yves Trough
Things to Cook Meat In by Stu Potts
Los Angeles Pachyderms by L.A. Funt
Clothes for Germ Kings by Mike Robes
Tyrant of the Potatoes by Dick Tater
I Hate Monday Mornings by Gaetan Oop
The Fall of a Watermelon by S. Platt
Pull with All You've Got! by Eve Ho
I Love Fractions by Lois C. Denominator
Military Defeats by Major Disaster and General Mayhem
Judging Fast Food by Warren Berger
I Lost My Balance by Eileen Dover and Paul Down
House Construction by Bill Jerome Holme
Kangaroo Illnesses by Marcus Wallaby, M.D.
Exotic Irish Plants by Phil O'Dendron
Musical Gunfighters by The Okay Chorale
A Whole Lot of Cats by Kitt N. Caboodle
I Work with Diamonds by Jules Sparkle
Lawyers of Suffering by Grin and Barrett
Flogging in the Army by Corporal Punishment
Errors and Accidents by Miss Takes and Miss Haps
Christmas for Baldies by Yule Brynner
Where to Find Islands by Archie Pelago
French Overpopulation by Francis Crowded
How to Tour the Prison by Robin Steele
I Like Weeding Gardens by Manuel Labour
Who Killed Cock Robin? by Howard I. Know
The Effects of Alcohol by Sir Osis of Liver
Daddy are We There Yet? by Miles Away
The Excitement of Trees by I. M. Board
No More Circuit Breakers! by Ira Fuse
You're a Bundle of Laughs by Vera Funny
The Industrial Revolution by Otto Mattick
Artificial Weightlessness by Andy Gravity
The Palace Roof has a Hole by Lee King
Ecclesiastical Infractions by Cardinal Sin
Preaching to Hell's Angels by Pastor Redlight
Songs from 'South Pacific' by Sam and Janet Evening
I Was a Cloakroom Attendant by Mahatma Coate
Fifty Yards to the Outhouse by Willy Makit; Foreward by Betty Wont
Foot Problems of Big Lumberjacks by Paul Bunion
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