Sean Connery Joke Thread (Vol 7)
Discussion
A BBC News photographer called the local airfield to charter a flight, he was told a twin-engine plane would be waiting for him.
Arriving at the airfield, he spotted a plane warming up outside a hangar, he jumped in with his bag, slammed the door shut, and shouted, 'Let's go'.
The pilot taxied out, swung the plane into the wind and took off.
Once in the air, the photographer instructed the pilot, 'Fly over the valley and make low passes so I can take pictures of the fires on the hillsides.'
'Why?' asked the pilot.
'Because I'm a photographer for the BBC' , he responded, 'and I need to get some close up shots.'
The pilot was strangely silent for a moment, finally he stammered, 'So, you're telling me . . .. you're NOT my flying instructor?'
Arriving at the airfield, he spotted a plane warming up outside a hangar, he jumped in with his bag, slammed the door shut, and shouted, 'Let's go'.
The pilot taxied out, swung the plane into the wind and took off.
Once in the air, the photographer instructed the pilot, 'Fly over the valley and make low passes so I can take pictures of the fires on the hillsides.'
'Why?' asked the pilot.
'Because I'm a photographer for the BBC' , he responded, 'and I need to get some close up shots.'
The pilot was strangely silent for a moment, finally he stammered, 'So, you're telling me . . .. you're NOT my flying instructor?'
LordHaveMurci said:
A BBC News photographer called the local airfield to charter a flight, he was told a twin-engine plane would be waiting for him.
Arriving at the airfield, he spotted a plane warming up outside a hangar, he jumped in with his bag, slammed the door shut, and shouted, 'Let's go'.
The pilot taxied out, swung the plane into the wind and took off.
Once in the air, the photographer instructed the pilot, 'Fly over the valley and make low passes so I can take pictures of the fires on the hillsides.'
'Why?' asked the pilot.
'Because I'm a photographer for the BBC' , he responded, 'and I need to get some close up shots.'
The pilot was strangely silent for a moment, finally he stammered, 'So, you're telling me . . .. you're NOT my flying instructor?'
Shouldn't be too big a deal as presumably the guy has learnt to fly a single engine'd craft?Arriving at the airfield, he spotted a plane warming up outside a hangar, he jumped in with his bag, slammed the door shut, and shouted, 'Let's go'.
The pilot taxied out, swung the plane into the wind and took off.
Once in the air, the photographer instructed the pilot, 'Fly over the valley and make low passes so I can take pictures of the fires on the hillsides.'
'Why?' asked the pilot.
'Because I'm a photographer for the BBC' , he responded, 'and I need to get some close up shots.'
The pilot was strangely silent for a moment, finally he stammered, 'So, you're telling me . . .. you're NOT my flying instructor?'
If not not he shouldn't be sat in this one...
or did the BBC guy just not check how mnay engines this one had?
Agoogy said:
LordHaveMurci said:
A BBC News photographer called the local airfield to charter a flight, he was told a twin-engine plane would be waiting for him.
Arriving at the airfield, he spotted a plane warming up outside a hangar, he jumped in with his bag, slammed the door shut, and shouted, 'Let's go'.
The pilot taxied out, swung the plane into the wind and took off.
Once in the air, the photographer instructed the pilot, 'Fly over the valley and make low passes so I can take pictures of the fires on the hillsides.'
'Why?' asked the pilot.
'Because I'm a photographer for the BBC' , he responded, 'and I need to get some close up shots.'
The pilot was strangely silent for a moment, finally he stammered, 'So, you're telling me . . .. you're NOT my flying instructor?'
Shouldn't be too big a deal as presumably the guy has learnt to fly a single engine'd craft?Arriving at the airfield, he spotted a plane warming up outside a hangar, he jumped in with his bag, slammed the door shut, and shouted, 'Let's go'.
The pilot taxied out, swung the plane into the wind and took off.
Once in the air, the photographer instructed the pilot, 'Fly over the valley and make low passes so I can take pictures of the fires on the hillsides.'
'Why?' asked the pilot.
'Because I'm a photographer for the BBC' , he responded, 'and I need to get some close up shots.'
The pilot was strangely silent for a moment, finally he stammered, 'So, you're telling me . . .. you're NOT my flying instructor?'
If not not he shouldn't be sat in this one...
or did the BBC guy just not check how mnay engines this one had?
Agoogy said:
Shouldn't be too big a deal as presumably the guy has learnt to fly a single engine'd craft?
If not not he shouldn't be sat in this one...
or did the BBC guy just not check how mnay engines this one had?
It's no matter anyway, after the pilot had gained height, the photographer grabbed a parachute and jumped out.If not not he shouldn't be sat in this one...
or did the BBC guy just not check how mnay engines this one had?
But as he fell to earth he couldn't open the chute.
Just then he saw a bloke shooting up from the ground towards him.
So he shouts to the bloke, "hey mate do yo know anything about parachutes"?
The bloke shouts "sorry mate I don't, do you know anything about gas cookers"?
Monkey boy 1 said:
It's certainly been a bad week for fruit.
Blackberry's handset sales are down even further, Jason Orange leaves Take That, Apple's latest iPhone update goes pear shaped, and a giant plum forgets part of his speech at the Labour Party Conference.
Couldn't you prune that joke down to something more tangerine-ible? We'd all be grapeful...Blackberry's handset sales are down even further, Jason Orange leaves Take That, Apple's latest iPhone update goes pear shaped, and a giant plum forgets part of his speech at the Labour Party Conference.
LordHaveMurci said:
A BBC News photographer called the local airfield to charter a flight, he was told a twin-engine plane would be waiting for him.
Arriving at the airfield, he spotted a plane warming up outside a hangar, he jumped in with his bag, slammed the door shut, and shouted, 'Let's go'.
The pilot taxied out, swung the plane into the wind and took off.
Once in the air, the photographer instructed the pilot, 'Fly over the valley and make low passes so I can take pictures of the fires on the hillsides.'
'Why?' asked the pilot.
'Because I'm a photographer for the BBC' , he responded, 'and I need to get some close up shots.'
The pilot was strangely silent for a moment, finally he stammered, 'So, you're telling me . . .. you're NOT my flying instructor?'
Why would the photographer jump into the first plane he saw without checking it was the correct one? Most airports have more than one plane, as did this one as the plane he had chartered must have been there too. And has been pointed out, the student pilot must have already be a qualified pilot if he is learning on a twin. I can't see how the joke works, frankly. Arriving at the airfield, he spotted a plane warming up outside a hangar, he jumped in with his bag, slammed the door shut, and shouted, 'Let's go'.
The pilot taxied out, swung the plane into the wind and took off.
Once in the air, the photographer instructed the pilot, 'Fly over the valley and make low passes so I can take pictures of the fires on the hillsides.'
'Why?' asked the pilot.
'Because I'm a photographer for the BBC' , he responded, 'and I need to get some close up shots.'
The pilot was strangely silent for a moment, finally he stammered, 'So, you're telling me . . .. you're NOT my flying instructor?'
I was weeding my garden the other day when my right-on neigbours - mother, father and daughter - walked past.
"Tell him what you are going to be when you grow up," said the mother to her daughter.
She little girl looked at me and said proudly, "I am going to be prime minister for the Labour Party."
"That's great," I said. "Tell me, what will you do when you are prime minister?"
She thought for a second or two and then said, "I will give homes to the homeless people and give food to he hungry people." He parents smiled and nodded in approval.
"That is wonderful," I said. "But you know what? You don't need to wait until your are prime minister to do that."
"What do you mean?" she said, puzzled.
"Well, if you help me in the garden, do some weeding and mow the lawn, then wash my car and sweep the drive, I will pay you £40 because it will take you most of the day. Then you can take your £40 to the town centre and find a homeless person. You can buy him a meal and pay for a night in a hostel. You will have solved his hunger and his homelessness, at least for one day, and you can do that right now."
She looked at me uncertainly. "I would have to work all day?" she asked in a small voice.
"Yes," I smiled. "You work and give him the money and then he will have food and shelter."
She looked at me for a moment, thinking hard. Then she said, "Why doesn't HE do the work himself?"
"Welcome to the Conservative Party!" I said.
"Tell him what you are going to be when you grow up," said the mother to her daughter.
She little girl looked at me and said proudly, "I am going to be prime minister for the Labour Party."
"That's great," I said. "Tell me, what will you do when you are prime minister?"
She thought for a second or two and then said, "I will give homes to the homeless people and give food to he hungry people." He parents smiled and nodded in approval.
"That is wonderful," I said. "But you know what? You don't need to wait until your are prime minister to do that."
"What do you mean?" she said, puzzled.
"Well, if you help me in the garden, do some weeding and mow the lawn, then wash my car and sweep the drive, I will pay you £40 because it will take you most of the day. Then you can take your £40 to the town centre and find a homeless person. You can buy him a meal and pay for a night in a hostel. You will have solved his hunger and his homelessness, at least for one day, and you can do that right now."
She looked at me uncertainly. "I would have to work all day?" she asked in a small voice.
"Yes," I smiled. "You work and give him the money and then he will have food and shelter."
She looked at me for a moment, thinking hard. Then she said, "Why doesn't HE do the work himself?"
"Welcome to the Conservative Party!" I said.
Ayahuasca said:
I was weeding my garden the other day when my right-on neigbours - mother, father and daughter - walked past.
"Tell him what you are going to be when you grow up," said the mother to her daughter.
She little girl looked at me and said proudly, "I am going to be prime minister for the Labour Party."
"That's great," I said. "Tell me, what will you do when you are prime minister?"
She thought for a second or two and then said, "I will give homes to the homeless people and give food to he hungry people." He parents smiled and nodded in approval.
"That is wonderful," I said. "But you know what? You don't need to wait until your are prime minister to do that."
"What do you mean?" she said, puzzled.
"Well, if you help me in the garden, do some weeding and mow the lawn, then wash my car and sweep the drive, I will pay you £40 because it will take you most of the day. Then you can take your £40 to the town centre and find a homeless person. You can buy him a meal and pay for a night in a hostel. You will have solved his hunger and his homelessness, at least for one day, and you can do that right now."
She looked at me uncertainly. "I would have to work all day?" she asked in a small voice.
"Yes," I smiled. "You work and give him the money and then he will have food and shelter."
She looked at me for a moment, thinking hard. Then she said, "Why doesn't HE do the work himself?"
"Welcome to the Conservative Party!" I said.
So old but so true..."Tell him what you are going to be when you grow up," said the mother to her daughter.
She little girl looked at me and said proudly, "I am going to be prime minister for the Labour Party."
"That's great," I said. "Tell me, what will you do when you are prime minister?"
She thought for a second or two and then said, "I will give homes to the homeless people and give food to he hungry people." He parents smiled and nodded in approval.
"That is wonderful," I said. "But you know what? You don't need to wait until your are prime minister to do that."
"What do you mean?" she said, puzzled.
"Well, if you help me in the garden, do some weeding and mow the lawn, then wash my car and sweep the drive, I will pay you £40 because it will take you most of the day. Then you can take your £40 to the town centre and find a homeless person. You can buy him a meal and pay for a night in a hostel. You will have solved his hunger and his homelessness, at least for one day, and you can do that right now."
She looked at me uncertainly. "I would have to work all day?" she asked in a small voice.
"Yes," I smiled. "You work and give him the money and then he will have food and shelter."
She looked at me for a moment, thinking hard. Then she said, "Why doesn't HE do the work himself?"
"Welcome to the Conservative Party!" I said.
Ayahuasca said:
Why would the photographer jump into the first plane he saw without checking it was the correct one? Most airports have more than one plane, as did this one as the plane he had chartered must have been there too. And has been pointed out, the student pilot must have already be a qualified pilot if he is learning on a twin. I can't see how the joke works, frankly.
Lighten up FFS.
Ayahuasca said:
Why would the photographer jump into the first plane he saw without checking it was the correct one? Most airports have more than one plane, as did this one as the plane he had chartered must have been there too. And has been pointed out, the student pilot must have already be a qualified pilot if he is learning on a twin. I can't see how the joke works, frankly.
The 'student' also 'swung his plane into the wind and took off' so I would say he was a pretty competent pilot anyway and there was nothing for the photographer to worry about. Lordbenny said:
Ayahuasca said:
Why would the photographer jump into the first plane he saw without checking it was the correct one? Most airports have more than one plane, as did this one as the plane he had chartered must have been there too. And has been pointed out, the student pilot must have already be a qualified pilot if he is learning on a twin. I can't see how the joke works, frankly.
The 'student' also 'swung his plane into the wind and took off' so I would say he was a pretty competent pilot anyway and there was nothing for the photographer to worry about. A rather well off gentleman goes to the doctor, and the conversation goes like this.
"Can I help you sir"
"Well doc, I feel really worn down, and I have a constant ringing in my ears and a banging in my head, its driving me nuts"
The doctor examines the gentleman and says "Well I am sorry to tell you that you have about 6 months to live"
The gentleman thought he would enjoy his last few months he had left, and went on a whirlwind tour of the world, spending nearly all his money"
As the 6 months drew near, he thought he would go out in style and splash out on a Saville Row suit.
He goes to the first tailors he saw in Saville Row, went in and asked to be measured for a very expensive suit.
The tailor said :-
"What side do you dress on sir"
"Why, does it matter"
"Well if we get this wrong youll be suffering from ringing in your ears and a banging in your head"
"Can I help you sir"
"Well doc, I feel really worn down, and I have a constant ringing in my ears and a banging in my head, its driving me nuts"
The doctor examines the gentleman and says "Well I am sorry to tell you that you have about 6 months to live"
The gentleman thought he would enjoy his last few months he had left, and went on a whirlwind tour of the world, spending nearly all his money"
As the 6 months drew near, he thought he would go out in style and splash out on a Saville Row suit.
He goes to the first tailors he saw in Saville Row, went in and asked to be measured for a very expensive suit.
The tailor said :-
"What side do you dress on sir"
"Why, does it matter"
"Well if we get this wrong youll be suffering from ringing in your ears and a banging in your head"
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