Sean Connery Joke Thread (Vol 7)

[Pixelpeep7r]

Monkey boy 1 said:

oops, seems as if I offended someone with my last post. which has been removed Applogies if I offended anyone.

Dammit missed it!! What was the subject matter ?

[iva cosworth]

Can't have been any worse than the "joke" by MLH.

[Monkey boy 1]

It seems as if you can have a joke about Kiddy Fiddling & sexual abuse, but as soon as you mention an indigenous antipodean group of people the joke gets banned for being racist.

[slopes]

Monkey boy 1 said:

It seems as if you can have a joke about Kiddy Fiddling & sexual abuse, but as soon as you mention an indigenous antipodean group of people the joke gets banned for being racist.

The joke thread is very selective in that respect, when Jade Goody died it was open season on people who died from cancer, i posted a joke about the current prime minister's son and slaughtered for it.

[omgus]

slopes said:

Monkey boy 1 said:

It seems as if you can have a joke about Kiddy Fiddling & sexual abuse, but as soon as you mention an indigenous antipodean group of people the joke gets banned for being racist.

The joke thread is very selective in that respect, when Jade Goody died it was open season on people who died from cancer, i posted a joke about the current prime minister's son and slaughtered for it.

And god forbid anyone who posted a joke about the Saint Peaches of Geldof.


To be fair though it was a st, Jim Davidson in Australia style joke. There are much funnier ways to be racist.

[MarkwG]

Monkey boy 1 said:

It seems as if you can have a joke about Kiddy Fiddling & sexual abuse, but as soon as you mention an indigenous antipodean group of people the joke gets banned for being racist.

It's not that confusing, really: crass or poor taste isn't against the law, racism is & leaves the site operator open to prosecution.

[Nom de ploom]

Monkey boy 1 said:

There are much funnier ways to be racist.

Ermm...are there????

[Disastrous]

MLH said:

After watching a magic show on TV one evening little Johnny turned to his father and asked him if he knew any magic tricks he could show him.

'I don't son, go and ask your mother' ...came the reply.

So off johnny went to and asked his mother the same question.

Again the reply was a negative however his mother suggested Johnny go and visit their elderly next door neighbour Mr Jones.

Excitedly, Johnny ran straight out of the house and to Mr Jones'.

A quick knock on the door and old Mr Jones answers....

'Good afternoon Johnny, what can i do for you?'

'Mammy said youd know some magic tricks you can show me!!!!'

'Ahhhh yes i do Johnny, yes i do! Why dont you come on in...'

So in went Johnny and Mr Jones proceeded to lead him into his garden shed.

Once inside Mr Jones closed the door and said...

'Right, now Johnny, i want you to bend over that work bench and pull your trousers and pants down'

A little bit apprehensively Johnny did as he was told in the hope of seeing some magic he so desperately wanted to.

Mr Jones stood behind little Johnny, and after a few uncomfortable seconds, asked Johnny...

'Can you feel my finger up your ass?...'

A slightly confused and puzzled Johnny replied with

'yes i can'

That was when Mr Jones reached around and waved both of his hands in front of Little Johnny's face and said...

'Now that's magic!'

In fairness, that's really just child abuse with a catchphrase, rather than any discernible 'joke', isn't it?

[GarryDK]

Disastrous said:

MLH said:

After watching a magic show on TV one evening little Johnny turned to his father and asked him if he knew any magic tricks he could show him.

'I don't son, go and ask your mother' ...came the reply.

So off johnny went to and asked his mother the same question.

Again the reply was a negative however his mother suggested Johnny go and visit their elderly next door neighbour Mr Jones.

Excitedly, Johnny ran straight out of the house and to Mr Jones'.

A quick knock on the door and old Mr Jones answers....

'Good afternoon Johnny, what can i do for you?'

'Mammy said youd know some magic tricks you can show me!!!!'

'Ahhhh yes i do Johnny, yes i do! Why dont you come on in...'

So in went Johnny and Mr Jones proceeded to lead him into his garden shed.

Once inside Mr Jones closed the door and said...

'Right, now Johnny, i want you to bend over that work bench and pull your trousers and pants down'

A little bit apprehensively Johnny did as he was told in the hope of seeing some magic he so desperately wanted to.

Mr Jones stood behind little Johnny, and after a few uncomfortable seconds, asked Johnny...

'Can you feel my finger up your ass?...'

A slightly confused and puzzled Johnny replied with

'yes i can'

That was when Mr Jones reached around and waved both of his hands in front of Little Johnny's face and said...

'Now that's magic!'

In fairness, that's really just child abuse with a catchphrase, rather than any discernible 'joke', isn't it?

Completely unfunny and fking disgusting TBH.

[Halmyre]

Nom de ploom said:

Monkey boy 1 said:

There are much funnier ways to be racist.

Ermm...are there????

[boobles]

GarryDK said:

Disastrous said:

MLH said:

After watching a magic show on TV one evening little Johnny turned to his father and asked him if he knew any magic tricks he could show him.

'I don't son, go and ask your mother' ...came the reply.

So off johnny went to and asked his mother the same question.

Again the reply was a negative however his mother suggested Johnny go and visit their elderly next door neighbour Mr Jones.

Excitedly, Johnny ran straight out of the house and to Mr Jones'.

A quick knock on the door and old Mr Jones answers....

'Good afternoon Johnny, what can i do for you?'

'Mammy said youd know some magic tricks you can show me!!!!'

'Ahhhh yes i do Johnny, yes i do! Why dont you come on in...'

So in went Johnny and Mr Jones proceeded to lead him into his garden shed.

Once inside Mr Jones closed the door and said...

'Right, now Johnny, i want you to bend over that work bench and pull your trousers and pants down'

A little bit apprehensively Johnny did as he was told in the hope of seeing some magic he so desperately wanted to.

Mr Jones stood behind little Johnny, and after a few uncomfortable seconds, asked Johnny...

'Can you feel my finger up your ass?...'

A slightly confused and puzzled Johnny replied with

'yes i can'

That was when Mr Jones reached around and waved both of his hands in front of Little Johnny's face and said...

'Now that's magic!'

In fairness, that's really just child abuse with a catchphrase, rather than any discernible 'joke', isn't it?

Completely unfunny and fking disgusting TBH.

Christ we better ban most jokes on here in fear of "offending" someone!

[Disastrous]

I only found it offensively unfunny.

I think child abuse is as hilarious as the next man but you've got to put in a little bit of effort.

[Adenauer]

Disastrous said:

I think child abuse is as hilarious as the next man but you've got to put in a little bit of effort.

fking hell

[omgus]

Adenauer said:

Disastrous said:

I think child abuse is as hilarious as the next man but you've got to put in a little bit of effort.

fking hell

[slopes]

omgus said:

And god forbid anyone who posted a joke about the Saint Peaches of Geldof.


To be fair though it was a st, Jim Davidson in Australia style joke. There are much funnier ways to be racist.

And god forbid if you make comments on certain members of ph, it's open season on everyone except our Lady of Saint. Read into that what you want.

[Pixelpeep7r]

slopes said:

omgus said:

And god forbid anyone who posted a joke about the Saint Peaches of Geldof.


To be fair though it was a st, Jim Davidson in Australia style joke. There are much funnier ways to be racist.

And god forbid if you make comments on certain members of ph, it's open season on everyone except our Lady of Saint. Read into that what you want.

but you need to 'get over it' and not mention the complete lack of consistency ever again or you'll find yourself banned from parts of the website.

or actually, you might be fine. who knows.

[omgus]

Pixelpeep7r said:

slopes said:

omgus said:

And god forbid anyone who posted a joke about the Saint Peaches of Geldof.


To be fair though it was a st, Jim Davidson in Australia style joke. There are much funnier ways to be racist.

And god forbid if you make comments on certain members of ph, it's open season on everyone except our Lady of Saint. Read into that what you want.

but you need to 'get over it' and not mention the complete lack of consistency ever again or you'll find yourself banned from parts of the website.

or actually, you might be fine. who knows.

We need to get the thread back on topic before we get in trouble, that means we need a dead celebrity in the next couple of hours.

[LordHaveMurci]

omgus said:

We need to get the thread back on topic before we get in trouble, that means we need a dead celebrity in the next couple of hours.

Funnier than most of the jokes recently

I'll kill Bieber if you give me an alibi...

[slopes]

I'm over it and moving on

[Adenauer]

'Lady of Saint'