Sean Connery Joke Thread (Vol 7)

Sean Connery Joke Thread (Vol 7)

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schmunk

4,399 posts

124 months

Thursday 27th November 2014
quotequote all
BrabusMog said:
soad said:
Q: What do KFC and pussy have in common?
A: Both are finger licking good, and after you are done eating, you have a box to put the bone in.
I've never really understood why people find this joke funny, as I would never intentionally lick my fingers after fingering my girlfriend???
I always lick my fingers after fingering your girlfriend.

VladD

7,853 posts

264 months

Thursday 27th November 2014
quotequote all
schmunk said:
BrabusMog said:
soad said:
Q: What do KFC and pussy have in common?
A: Both are finger licking good, and after you are done eating, you have a box to put the bone in.
I've never really understood why people find this joke funny, as I would never intentionally lick my fingers after fingering my girlfriend???
I always lick my fingers after fingering your girlfriend.
Can your wife tell when you get home?

schmunk

4,399 posts

124 months

Thursday 27th November 2014
quotequote all
VladD said:
schmunk said:
BrabusMog said:
soad said:
Q: What do KFC and pussy have in common?
A: Both are finger licking good, and after you are done eating, you have a box to put the bone in.
I've never really understood why people find this joke funny, as I would never intentionally lick my fingers after fingering my girlfriend???
I always lick my fingers after fingering your girlfriend.
Can your wife tell when you get home?
No, because I'm very quiet.

Laurel Green

30,770 posts

231 months

Thursday 27th November 2014
quotequote all
I said to the wife, "Please pass me a newspaper."
"Don't be silly", she said. "You can borrow my iPad."
That spider never knew what bloody hit it!


A big row has broken out in the Irish Olympic Synchronised Diving Team after Paddy accused Mick of copying him!


Prince William said he didn't want the traditional fruit cake at his wedding. Prince Phillip said he didn't give a toss, he was still going.


100 people from Liverpool were asked today if they thought Britain should change its currency. 98% said no, they were happy with the Giro.


A film is being made of Eddie Stobart's life. I've just seen the trailer


The cost of living has now got so bad that my wife is having sex with me because she can't afford batteries!


Some swine's just pinched a pair of my wife's knickers off the washing line. She's not bothered about the knickers but she wants the 12 pegs back.




illmonkey

18,112 posts

197 months

Thursday 27th November 2014
quotequote all
just seen on FB

I was reading an article last night about fathers and sons, and memories
came flooding back of the time I took my son out for his first pint.
Off we went to our local which is only two blocks from the house.
I got us some Fosters, he didn't like it – so I had his as well.
Then I got us some Carling Black Labels, he didn't like it, so I had his
again.
It was the same with the 1664 Lager, Premium Dry Cider and all the other
beers we tried.
By the time we got down to the whisky I could hardly push the bloody pram
back home.

northwest monkey

6,370 posts

188 months

Thursday 27th November 2014
quotequote all
schmunk said:
BrabusMog said:
soad said:
Q: What do KFC and pussy have in common?
A: Both are finger licking good, and after you are done eating, you have a box to put the bone in.
I've never really understood why people find this joke funny, as I would never intentionally lick my fingers after fingering my girlfriend???
I always lick my fingers after fingering your girlfriend.
Your mum licks mine after I've fingered your girlfriend.

schmunk

4,399 posts

124 months

Thursday 27th November 2014
quotequote all
northwest monkey said:
schmunk said:
BrabusMog said:
soad said:
Q: What do KFC and pussy have in common?
A: Both are finger licking good, and after you are done eating, you have a box to put the bone in.
I've never really understood why people find this joke funny, as I would never intentionally lick my fingers after fingering my girlfriend???
I always lick my fingers after fingering your girlfriend.
Your mum licks mine after I've fingered your girlfriend.
Ken Dodd's dad's dog licks mine after... oh, never mind.

BrabusMog

20,083 posts

185 months

Thursday 27th November 2014
quotequote all
northwest monkey said:
schmunk said:
BrabusMog said:
soad said:
Q: What do KFC and pussy have in common?
A: Both are finger licking good, and after you are done eating, you have a box to put the bone in.
I've never really understood why people find this joke funny, as I would never intentionally lick my fingers after fingering my girlfriend???
I always lick my fingers after fingering your girlfriend.
Your mum licks mine after I've fingered your girlfriend.
yikes


wiliferus

4,053 posts

197 months

Thursday 27th November 2014
quotequote all
Pixelpeep7r said:
Why don't they give old ladies smear tests?

have you ever tried pulling a toasted cheese sandwich apart?
Why do they call smear tests 'smear tests'?

Because if they called them scrapes no-one would go.

spants

1,052 posts

226 months

Friday 28th November 2014
quotequote all
Anyone played the Michael Brown drinking game?.
You just stand there and take 8 shots

omgus

7,305 posts

174 months

Friday 28th November 2014
quotequote all
spants said:
Anyone played the Michael Brown drinking game?.
You just stand there and take 8 shots
Don't you have to steal the drink first?

Tycho

11,554 posts

272 months

Friday 28th November 2014
quotequote all
omgus said:
spants said:
Anyone played the Michael Brown drinking game?.
You just stand there and take 8 shots
Don't you have to steal the drink first?
Yep, the rules stat that you have to wrestle the bottle out of the bartenders hands first.

ColinM50

2,630 posts

174 months

Friday 28th November 2014
quotequote all
"Well, Nan," I said. "This is where you will be staying eventually. Do you like it?"

"Will you f**k off and let me visit your granddad's grave in peace," she shouted

Halmyre

11,148 posts

138 months

Friday 28th November 2014
quotequote all
"Why did you shoot Michael Brown 8 times?"

"I ran out of bullets."

Tant

493 posts

191 months

Friday 28th November 2014
quotequote all

cookmysock

843 posts

200 months

Friday 28th November 2014
quotequote all
northwest monkey said:
schmunk said:
BrabusMog said:
soad said:
Q: What do KFC and pussy have in common?
A: Both are finger licking good, and after you are done eating, you have a box to put the bone in.
I've never really understood why people find this joke funny, as I would never intentionally lick my fingers after fingering my girlfriend???
I always lick my fingers after fingering your girlfriend.
Your mum licks mine after I've fingered your girlfriend's anus.
edited and really should be put in the juvenile sniggers thread

AW111

9,455 posts

132 months

Saturday 29th November 2014
quotequote all
Tant said:
Deserves to be quoted smile

B17NNS

18,506 posts

246 months

Saturday 29th November 2014
quotequote all
fkING bdS! I AM GOING TO FIND YOU! I can't believe this has happened to me just before Christmas! I've just got home to find all the windows wide open frown They've taken everything. It's all gone. I'm waiting for the police. The dirty rotten thieving bds. What kind of sick minded person would do that to another person? YOU ARE NOT HUMAN!

That was my advent calander and you had no right to open it and eat all of my chocolates!

Halmyre

11,148 posts

138 months

Saturday 29th November 2014
quotequote all
Scottish Advent Calendar




derektrimblitz

313 posts

160 months

Saturday 29th November 2014
quotequote all
cookmysock said:
northwest monkey said:
schmunk said:
BrabusMog said:
soad said:
Q: What do KFC and pussy have in common?
A: Both are finger licking good, and after you are done eating, you have a box to put the bone in.
I've never really understood why people find this joke funny, as I would never intentionally lick my fingers after fingering my girlfriend???
I always lick my fingers after fingering your girlfriend.
Your mum licks mine after I've fingered your girlfriend's anus.
edited and really should be put in the juvenile sniggers thread
That is well funny..
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