Sean Connery Joke Thread (Vol 7)

Sean Connery Joke Thread (Vol 7)

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mybrainhurts

90,809 posts

254 months

Saturday 29th November 2014
quotequote all
B17NNS said:
fkING bdS! I AM GOING TO FIND YOU! I can't believe this has happened to me just before Christmas! I've just got home to find all the windows wide open frown They've taken everything. It's all gone. I'm waiting for the police. The dirty rotten thieving bds. What kind of sick minded person would do that to another person? YOU ARE NOT HUMAN!

That was my advent calander and you had no right to open it and eat all of my chocolates!
Look on the bright side, at least you gained the opportunity for me to show you how to spell calendar...smile

grumpy52

5,565 posts

165 months

Saturday 29th November 2014
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Luke skywalker and Obi Wan had a hard day trianing and decided to have dinner in a Chinese restaurant.
The food arrived and Luke set to with gusto using chop sticks , the table was soon littered with food .
Obi Wan decided it was time to impart some ancient wisdom
"The fork Luke use the fork "

northwest monkey

6,370 posts

188 months

Saturday 29th November 2014
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derektrimblitz said:
cookmysock said:
northwest monkey said:
schmunk said:
BrabusMog said:
soad said:
Q: What do KFC and pussy have in common?
A: Both are finger licking good, and after you are done eating, you have a box to put the bone in.
I've never really understood why people find this joke funny, as I would never intentionally lick my fingers after fingering my girlfriend???
I always lick my fingers after fingering your girlfriend.
Your mum licks mine after I've fingered your girlfriend's anus.
edited and really should be put in the juvenile sniggers thread
That is well funny..
Making me laughlaugh

schmunk

4,399 posts

124 months

Saturday 29th November 2014
quotequote all
derektrimblitz said:
cookmysock said:
northwest monkey said:
schmunk said:
BrabusMog said:
soad said:
Q: What do KFC and pussy have in common?
A: Both are finger licking good, and after you are done eating, you have a box to put the bone in.
I've never really understood why people find this joke funny, as I would never intentionally lick my fingers after fingering my girlfriend???
I always lick my fingers after fingering your girlfriend.
Your mum licks mine after I've fingered your girlfriend's anus.
edited and really should be put in the juvenile sniggers thread
That is well funny..
As subtle, and funny, as Mrs Brown's Boys.

Vipers

32,797 posts

227 months

Saturday 29th November 2014
quotequote all





smile

BrassMan

1,482 posts

188 months

Saturday 29th November 2014
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Halmyre said:
Scottish Advent Calendar

A little like the Smirnoff/Pistorius one where there's a shot behind every door?

spants

1,052 posts

226 months

Sunday 30th November 2014
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Bill Cosby has made a sex tape. It's twice as strong as duct tape.

6th Gear

3,561 posts

193 months

Sunday 30th November 2014
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Vipers

32,797 posts

227 months

Sunday 30th November 2014
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Man walks into a bank and pulls out a sawn off shotgun from underneath his coat.

He says to the teller "This is a hold up, hand over the money"

The teller says "Your Irish arnt you?",

Man says "How did you know that",

Teller looking at the sawn off shot gun says "You've sawn the wrong end off".



smile

Laurel Green

30,770 posts

231 months

Sunday 30th November 2014
quotequote all
^^^ hehe ^^^

Talking of Irishmen>

Paddy and Mick were walking along a street in London. Paddy looked in one of the shop windows and saw a sign that caught his eye. The sign read, "Suits £15.00 each, Shirts £3.00 each, Trousers £4.50 per pair".

Paddy said to his pal, "Mick look at the prices! We could buy a whole lot of those and when we get back to Ireland we could make a fortune. Now when we go in you stay quiet, okay? Let me do all da talking 'cause if they hear our accents, they might think we're thicko's from Ireland and try to screw us. I'll put on me best English accent."
"Roight y'are Paddy, I'll keep me mout shut, so I will. You do all da feckin business" said Mick.

They go in and Paddy said in a posh voice, "Hello my good man. I'll take 50 suits at £15.00 each, 100 shirts at £3..00 each, and 50 pairs of trousers at £4.50 each. And oy'll back up me truck ready to load 'em on, so I will."
The owner of the shop said quietly, "You're from Ireland, aren't you?"

"Well yes," said a surprised Paddy. "What gave it away?"
The owner replied, "This is a dry-cleaners!"

Hooli

32,278 posts

199 months

Monday 1st December 2014
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A woman went to B&Q and said to a staff member, "I'm looking for a dildo rail."
He said, "I think you mean dado rail."
she said, "No, it's definitely dildo. I'm going to put it up myself."

Blatter

852 posts

190 months

Monday 1st December 2014
quotequote all
Hooli said:
A woman went to B&Q and said to a staff member, "I'm looking for a dildo rail."
He said, "I think you mean dado rail."
she said, "No, it's definitely dildo. I'm going to put it up myself."
biggrinbiggrin

soad

32,829 posts

175 months

Monday 1st December 2014
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6th Gear said:

illmonkey

18,112 posts

197 months

Monday 1st December 2014
quotequote all
soad said:
6th Gear said:
Aldi back!

LordGrover

33,531 posts

211 months

Monday 1st December 2014
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^^ :goldstar: clap

Halmyre

11,148 posts

138 months

Monday 1st December 2014
quotequote all
illmonkey said:
soad said:
6th Gear said:
Aldi back!
Asda la vista, baby.

Jon321

2,796 posts

187 months

Monday 1st December 2014
quotequote all
Halmyre said:
Asda la vista, baby.
Doesn't look a very safeway to be holding that gun!

PVN

350 posts

229 months

Monday 1st December 2014
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I've just opened my advent calendar. I don't see much future in them really. I think their days are numbered!

XJSJohn

15,959 posts

218 months

Tuesday 2nd December 2014
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Halmyre said:
illmonkey said:
soad said:
6th Gear said:
Aldi back!
Asda la vista, baby.
i have been away from teh UK too long and suspect i am missing something in the news but errrr ...... wtf ???

biggrin

soad

32,829 posts

175 months

Tuesday 2nd December 2014
quotequote all
XJSJohn said:
i have been away from teh UK too long and suspect i am missing something in the news but errrr ...... wtf ???

biggrin
Just a photoshopped effort, images can be found on the social media. smile
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