Sean Connery Joke Thread (Vol 7)
Discussion
skeggysteve said:
Stolen from another forum:
As it's no longer politically correct to direct a joke at any racial
or ethnic minority, try this one:
An Englishman, a Scotsman, an Irishman, a Welshman, a Gurkha, a
Latvian, a Turk, an Aussie, a German, a Yank, an Egyptian, a Jap, a
Pakistani, a Mexican, a Spaniard, a Russian, a Pole, a Lithuanian, a
Jordanian, an Armenian, a Kiwi, a Swede, a Finn, a Canadian, an
Israeli, a Romanian, a Bulgarian, a Serb, a Swiss, a Greek, a
Singaporean, an Italian, a Norwegian, an Argentinian, a Libyan, a
Muslim, a Hindu, a Buddhist and an African went to a nightclub.
The bouncer said, "Sorry, I can't let you in without a Thai. “
As it's no longer politically correct to direct a joke at any racial
or ethnic minority, try this one:
An Englishman, a Scotsman, an Irishman, a Welshman, a Gurkha, a
Latvian, a Turk, an Aussie, a German, a Yank, an Egyptian, a Jap, a
Pakistani, a Mexican, a Spaniard, a Russian, a Pole, a Lithuanian, a
Jordanian, an Armenian, a Kiwi, a Swede, a Finn, a Canadian, an
Israeli, a Romanian, a Bulgarian, a Serb, a Swiss, a Greek, a
Singaporean, an Italian, a Norwegian, an Argentinian, a Libyan, a
Muslim, a Hindu, a Buddhist and an African went to a nightclub.
The bouncer said, "Sorry, I can't let you in without a Thai. “
Stupid, my kind of humor 
karona said:
Vipers said:
john2443 said:
Vipers said:
john2443 said:
Graham Garden was offered a knighthood but his wife insisted he turned it down.
Consider what her title would be.
Must be wearing my thick head tonight, explain.Consider what her title would be.
OK PistonHeads, Patronising Matters
Surname Garden
He's a Lord
She's a Lady
"Lady Garden"
http://en.wiktionary.org/wiki/lady_garden
HTH etc
:-)
Edited by karona on Monday 19th January 19:36
Thanks for your patience.
LordJammy said:
CTO said:
What's a Kronenberg when referencing a woman?
166416 from the back, 64 from the front. It's the way the numbers on the neck of the bottle appear.
Anyway, my joke
The Samaritans have outsourced their call centre to Pakistan. Unnerving, but they seemed really excited when I phoned up yesterday and told them that I was feeling suicidal
A teacher asked her third grade class to name things that ended with “tor” and that also eats things.
The first little boy said, "Alligator". "Very good James, that's a big word. The second boy said, "Predator Miss." “Yes, that's another big word Alan. Very well done. "Little Johnny says, "Vibrator." After nearly falling off her chair, the teacher says, "That is a big word Johnny, but it doesn't eat anything." “ Well my mother has one and she says it eats batteries like there's no tomorrow!"
The first little boy said, "Alligator". "Very good James, that's a big word. The second boy said, "Predator Miss." “Yes, that's another big word Alan. Very well done. "Little Johnny says, "Vibrator." After nearly falling off her chair, the teacher says, "That is a big word Johnny, but it doesn't eat anything." “ Well my mother has one and she says it eats batteries like there's no tomorrow!"
blimey this thread has had some crackers recently, cheers.
After a terrible shipwreck, a man found himself alone on an island. He went about the island in search of food and shelter. After a long walk, the man froze in terror as he saw a tribe of cannibals in the middle of a celebration. The man thought to himself, "I am so screwed!" To his surprise, a bright light came from the heavens and a deep voice said to him "Not yet my son, listen very carefully: what you have to do is run up to the chief of the tribe, kick him in the nuts, and take his spear. As soon as you take his spear, kill his only son with it." Without thinking twice, the man does as he was told. As he put the spear through the young cannibal's heart the bright light appeared again and the deep voice said to him "Now you are screwed."
After a terrible shipwreck, a man found himself alone on an island. He went about the island in search of food and shelter. After a long walk, the man froze in terror as he saw a tribe of cannibals in the middle of a celebration. The man thought to himself, "I am so screwed!" To his surprise, a bright light came from the heavens and a deep voice said to him "Not yet my son, listen very carefully: what you have to do is run up to the chief of the tribe, kick him in the nuts, and take his spear. As soon as you take his spear, kill his only son with it." Without thinking twice, the man does as he was told. As he put the spear through the young cannibal's heart the bright light appeared again and the deep voice said to him "Now you are screwed."
B.J.W said:
Ah - like a Nanna Kournikova.......
Never heard that had a little titter.bencollins said:
blimey this thread has had some crackers recently, cheers.
After a terrible shipwreck, a man found himself alone on an island. He went about the island in search of food and shelter. After a long walk, the man froze in terror as he saw a tribe of cannibals in the middle of a celebration. The man thought to himself, "I am so screwed!" To his surprise, a bright light came from the heavens and a deep voice said to him "Not yet my son, listen very carefully: what you have to do is run up to the chief of the tribe, kick him in the nuts, and take his spear. As soon as you take his spear, kill his only son with it." Without thinking twice, the man does as he was told. As he put the spear through the young cannibal's heart the bright light appeared again and the deep voice said to him "Now you are screwed."
After a terrible shipwreck, a man found himself alone on an island. He went about the island in search of food and shelter. After a long walk, the man froze in terror as he saw a tribe of cannibals in the middle of a celebration. The man thought to himself, "I am so screwed!" To his surprise, a bright light came from the heavens and a deep voice said to him "Not yet my son, listen very carefully: what you have to do is run up to the chief of the tribe, kick him in the nuts, and take his spear. As soon as you take his spear, kill his only son with it." Without thinking twice, the man does as he was told. As he put the spear through the young cannibal's heart the bright light appeared again and the deep voice said to him "Now you are screwed."
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