Sean Connery Joke Thread (Vol 7)

Sean Connery Joke Thread (Vol 7)

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Vipers

32,894 posts

229 months

Thursday 22nd January 2015
quotequote all
Prince Charles is being shown around a Sony factory in Japan.

He sees some Japanese women doing some intricate soldering work on a PCB.

as usual, he decides to ask a question.

He says "What do you use for flux"

She says "Plix"




smile

schmunk

4,399 posts

126 months

Thursday 22nd January 2015
quotequote all
Vipers said:
Prince Charles is being shown around a Sony factory in Japan.

He sees some Japanese women doing some intricate soldering work on a PCB.

as usual, he decides to ask a question.

He says "What do you use for flux"

She says "Plix"




smile
It wasn't funny the first time you posted it...

(I had to Google 'Flux Plix' to work out what the hell the joke is meant to be)

Laurel Green

30,780 posts

233 months

Thursday 22nd January 2015
quotequote all
Elton and Davids new baby.

They had their sperm mixed together and a surrogate mother was artificially inseminated.
When the baby was born Elton and David were ushered into a ward where a dozen babies were lying in their cots, eleven of them crying and screaming.
In the corner, one baby was lying serenely. A nurse came over to both of them and indicated that the happy child was theirs.
"Isn't it wonderful?" Elton asked David. "All these crying babies...and yet our baby is so content. This just proves the superiority of gay love!

"The nurse said, "Oh sure, he's happy now, but just watch what happens when I pull the dummy out of his arse...."


Vipers

32,894 posts

229 months

Thursday 22nd January 2015
quotequote all
schmunk said:
It wasn't funny the first time you posted it...

(I had to Google 'Flux Plix' to work out what the hell the joke is meant to be)
My my what a good memory you have, thought 2nd time around may have been better. Oh well!




smile

McAndy

12,478 posts

178 months

Thursday 22nd January 2015
quotequote all
Laurel Green said:
Elton and Davids new baby.

They had their sperm mixed together and a surrogate mother was artificially inseminated.
When the baby was born Elton and David were ushered into a ward where a dozen babies were lying in their cots, eleven of them crying and screaming.
In the corner, one baby was lying serenely. A nurse came over to both of them and indicated that the happy child was theirs.
"Isn't it wonderful?" Elton asked David. "All these crying babies...and yet our baby is so content. This just proves the superiority of gay love!

"The nurse said, "Oh sure, he's happy now, but just watch what happens when I pull the dummy out of his arse...."
hehe

VladD

7,858 posts

266 months

Thursday 22nd January 2015
quotequote all
Ari said:
VladD said:
I heard there's going to be two funerals.
Why?
A pair of huge spectacles.

SimonV8ster

12,609 posts

229 months

Thursday 22nd January 2015
quotequote all
StevieBee said:
Morningside said:
Phil Dicky said:
The inventor of the autocorrect has died this morning...I didn't even know he was I'll.
I like that one.
I quite licked it too.
Very fanny !!

Pixelpeep7r

8,600 posts

143 months

Thursday 22nd January 2015
quotequote all
SimonV8ster said:
StevieBee said:
Morningside said:
Phil Dicky said:
The inventor of the autocorrect has died this morning...I didn't even know he was I'll.
I like that one.
I quite licked it too.
Very fanny !!
Stop acting like an aunt.

ApOrbital

9,964 posts

119 months

Thursday 22nd January 2015
quotequote all
BBC News: Lord brittan 'quizzed on rape claim

Seems like an unusual specialist subject for going on Mastermind.



Good night.


mybrainhurts

90,809 posts

256 months

Thursday 22nd January 2015
quotequote all
ApOrbital said:
BBC News: Lord brittan 'quizzed on rape claim

Seems like an unusual specialist subject for going on Mastermind.



Good night.
I think he just died.

StevieBee

12,925 posts

256 months

Thursday 22nd January 2015
quotequote all
mybrainhurts said:
ApOrbital said:
BBC News: Lord brittan 'quizzed on rape claim

Seems like an unusual specialist subject for going on Mastermind.



Good night.
I think he just died.
Much like the joke

Pixelpeep7r

8,600 posts

143 months

Thursday 22nd January 2015
quotequote all
what is long, hard and has cum in it ?



a cucumber

EarlOfHazard

3,603 posts

159 months

Thursday 22nd January 2015
quotequote all
My scummy neighbour reckons he was paid fifteen hundred quid for his appearance on the Jeremy Kyle show.

I think he's lying through his tooth.

GloverMart

11,831 posts

216 months

Thursday 22nd January 2015
quotequote all
A man collapsed today on the London Eye. Paramedics say he is slowly coming round.

Chunkymonkey71

13,015 posts

199 months

Thursday 22nd January 2015
quotequote all
Jesus goes into the job centre and asks if there are any messiah jobs going.

Jobcentre bloke: 'Funnily enough Jesus, I have 2 that recently came in. One in Saudi Arabia for £25k a year and one in Jerusalem for £35k and a company camel.'

Jesus has a think about it and decides he's interested in the Saudi Job.

Perplexed by this decision, the jobcentre bloke asks why.

Jesus replies: 'The last time I was in Jerusalem they nailed me with tax'.


Vaud

50,577 posts

156 months

Thursday 22nd January 2015
quotequote all
Clever. wink

Nom de ploom

4,890 posts

175 months

Friday 23rd January 2015
quotequote all
EarlOfHazard said:
My scummy neighbour reckons he was paid fifteen hundred quid for his appearance on the Jeremy Kyle show.

I think he's lying through his tooth.
hehe

Polish guy goes to the opticians and the optician says with one eye closed can you read the bottom line?

guy says, read it? I know him....


K12beano

20,854 posts

276 months

Friday 23rd January 2015
quotequote all
^^^ But why has the optician got one eye closed? scratchchin

MadOne

821 posts

169 months

Friday 23rd January 2015
quotequote all
EarlOfHazard said:
My scummy neighbour reckons he was paid fifteen hundred quid for his appearance on the Jeremy Kyle show.

I think he's lying through his tooth.
laughlaugh

MadOne

821 posts

169 months

Friday 23rd January 2015
quotequote all
I hear that the Naked Rambler is to tour the UK once more. However, this time he's doing a raw food cookery programme. It's going to be called The Barey Hiker.
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