Sean Connery Joke Thread (Vol 7)
Discussion
It was raining hard and a big puddle had formed in front of the little Irish pub.
An old man stood beside the puddle holding a stick with a string on the end and jiggled it up and down in the water.
A curious gentleman asked what he was doing.
'Fishing,' replied the old man.
'Poor old fool' thought the gentleman, so he invited the old man to have a drink in the pub.
Feeling he should start some conversation while they were sipping their whisky, the gentleman asked, 'And how many have you caught today?'
'You're the eighth.’
An old man stood beside the puddle holding a stick with a string on the end and jiggled it up and down in the water.
A curious gentleman asked what he was doing.
'Fishing,' replied the old man.
'Poor old fool' thought the gentleman, so he invited the old man to have a drink in the pub.
Feeling he should start some conversation while they were sipping their whisky, the gentleman asked, 'And how many have you caught today?'
'You're the eighth.’
will not be saying Goodbye my Euro Goodbye for some time stillLaurel Green said:
It was raining hard and a big puddle had formed in front of the little Irish pub.
An old man stood beside the puddle holding a stick with a string on the end and jiggled it up and down in the water.
A curious gentleman asked what he was doing.
'Fishing,' replied the old man.
'Poor old fool' thought the gentleman, so he invited the old man to have a drink in the pub.
Feeling he should start some conversation while they were sipping their whisky, the gentleman asked, 'And how many have you caught today?'
'You're the eighth.’
An old man stood beside the puddle holding a stick with a string on the end and jiggled it up and down in the water.
A curious gentleman asked what he was doing.
'Fishing,' replied the old man.
'Poor old fool' thought the gentleman, so he invited the old man to have a drink in the pub.
Feeling he should start some conversation while they were sipping their whisky, the gentleman asked, 'And how many have you caught today?'
'You're the eighth.’
A shy gentleman was preparing to board a plane when he heard that the Pope was on the same flight.
"This is exciting," thought the gentleman.
I've always been a big fan of the Pope and all he stands for.
Perhaps I'll be able to see him in person.
Imagine his surprise when the Pope sat down in the seat next to him for the flight.
Still, the gentleman was too shy to speak to the Pontiff. Shortly after take-off, the Pope began a crossword puzzle.
This is fantastic, thought the gentleman.
I'm really good at crosswords.
Perhaps, if the Pope gets stuck, he'll ask me for assistance.
Almost immediately, the Pope turned to the gentleman and said,
"Excuse me, but do you know a four letter word referring to a woman that ends in 'U-N-T'?"
Only one word leapt to mind.
My goodness, thought the gentleman, I can't tell the Pope that.
There must be another.
The gentleman thought for quite a while, then it hit him.
Turning to the pope, the gentleman said, "I think you're looking for the word 'AUNT'."
"Of course," said the Pope. "Do you have an eraser?"
"This is exciting," thought the gentleman.
I've always been a big fan of the Pope and all he stands for.
Perhaps I'll be able to see him in person.
Imagine his surprise when the Pope sat down in the seat next to him for the flight.
Still, the gentleman was too shy to speak to the Pontiff. Shortly after take-off, the Pope began a crossword puzzle.
This is fantastic, thought the gentleman.
I'm really good at crosswords.
Perhaps, if the Pope gets stuck, he'll ask me for assistance.
Almost immediately, the Pope turned to the gentleman and said,
"Excuse me, but do you know a four letter word referring to a woman that ends in 'U-N-T'?"
Only one word leapt to mind.
My goodness, thought the gentleman, I can't tell the Pope that.
There must be another.
The gentleman thought for quite a while, then it hit him.
Turning to the pope, the gentleman said, "I think you're looking for the word 'AUNT'."
"Of course," said the Pope. "Do you have an eraser?"
Laurel Green said:
LordGrover said:
Not a rubber then?
You'll have to ask the Pope. 
Monty Python
A bloke is in bed with his neighbours wife & they are enjoying themselves so much they don't realsie the time until they hear the husband come home from the pub.
The bloke panics but the wife tells him to calm down & hide under the covers, that her husband will be so drunk he'll never notice & when he passes out he can disappear.
The husband stumbles into the bedroom, finally manages to undress & falls into bed. Suddenly, he asks why there are six feet poking out the bottom of the bed?
The wife says 'darling, don't be silly, you're very drunk & not seeing properly'. The husband falls out of bed, crawls to the end & counts the feet, 1,2,3,4 - ah yes, you're right my love!
The bloke panics but the wife tells him to calm down & hide under the covers, that her husband will be so drunk he'll never notice & when he passes out he can disappear.
The husband stumbles into the bedroom, finally manages to undress & falls into bed. Suddenly, he asks why there are six feet poking out the bottom of the bed?
The wife says 'darling, don't be silly, you're very drunk & not seeing properly'. The husband falls out of bed, crawls to the end & counts the feet, 1,2,3,4 - ah yes, you're right my love!
A blonde gets a job as a teacher.
She notices a boy in the field standing alone, while all the other kids are running around having fun.
She takes pity on him and decides to speak to him.
'You ok?' she says.
'Yes.' he says.
'You can go and play with the other kids you know' she says.
'It's best I stay here.' he says.
'Why?' says the blonde.
The boy says: "Because I'm the f
king goal keeper"
She notices a boy in the field standing alone, while all the other kids are running around having fun.
She takes pity on him and decides to speak to him.
'You ok?' she says.
'Yes.' he says.
'You can go and play with the other kids you know' she says.
'It's best I stay here.' he says.
'Why?' says the blonde.
The boy says: "Because I'm the f
king goal keeper"
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