Sean Connery Joke Thread (Vol 7)
Discussion
Dave was bragging to his boss one day, "You know, I know everyone there is to know. Just name someone, anyone, and I know them."
Tired of his boasting, his boss called his bluff, "OK, Dave, how about Tom Cruise?"
"No dramas boss, Tom and I are old friends, and I can prove it."
So Dave and his boss fly out to Hollywood and knock on Tom Cruise's door, and Tom Cruise shouts, "Dave! What's happening? Great to see you! Come on in for a beer!"
Although impressed, Dave's boss is still sceptical. After they leave Cruise's house, he tells Dave that he thinks him knowing Cruise was just lucky.
"No, no, just name anyone else," Dave says.
"President Bush," his boss quickly retorts.
"Yup," Dave says, "Old buddies, let's fly out to Washington," and off they go. At the White House, Bush spots Dave on the tour and motions him and his boss over, saying, "Dave, what a surprise, I was just on my way to a meeting, but you and your friend come on in and let's have a cup of coffee first and catch up."
Well, the boss is very shaken by now but still not totally convinced.
After they leave the White House grounds he expresses his doubts to Dave, who again implores him to name anyone else.
"The Pope," his boss replies.
"Sure!" says Dave. "I've known the Pope for years." So off they fly to Rome.
Dave and his boss are assembled with the masses at the Vatican's St. Peter's Square when Dave says, "This will never work. I can't catch the Pope's eye among all these people. Tell you what, I know all the guards so let me just go upstairs and I'll come out on the balcony with the Pope."
He disappears into the crowd headed towards the Vatican.
Sure enough, half an hour later Dave emerges with the Pope on the balcony, but by the time Dave returns, he finds that his boss has had a heart attack and is surrounded by paramedics.
Making his way to his boss' side, Dave asks him, "What happened?"
His boss looks up and says, "It was the final straw... you and the Pope came out on to the balcony and the man next to me said, 'Who the f
k is that on the balcony with Dave?'"
Tired of his boasting, his boss called his bluff, "OK, Dave, how about Tom Cruise?"
"No dramas boss, Tom and I are old friends, and I can prove it."
So Dave and his boss fly out to Hollywood and knock on Tom Cruise's door, and Tom Cruise shouts, "Dave! What's happening? Great to see you! Come on in for a beer!"
Although impressed, Dave's boss is still sceptical. After they leave Cruise's house, he tells Dave that he thinks him knowing Cruise was just lucky.
"No, no, just name anyone else," Dave says.
"President Bush," his boss quickly retorts.
"Yup," Dave says, "Old buddies, let's fly out to Washington," and off they go. At the White House, Bush spots Dave on the tour and motions him and his boss over, saying, "Dave, what a surprise, I was just on my way to a meeting, but you and your friend come on in and let's have a cup of coffee first and catch up."
Well, the boss is very shaken by now but still not totally convinced.
After they leave the White House grounds he expresses his doubts to Dave, who again implores him to name anyone else.
"The Pope," his boss replies.
"Sure!" says Dave. "I've known the Pope for years." So off they fly to Rome.
Dave and his boss are assembled with the masses at the Vatican's St. Peter's Square when Dave says, "This will never work. I can't catch the Pope's eye among all these people. Tell you what, I know all the guards so let me just go upstairs and I'll come out on the balcony with the Pope."
He disappears into the crowd headed towards the Vatican.
Sure enough, half an hour later Dave emerges with the Pope on the balcony, but by the time Dave returns, he finds that his boss has had a heart attack and is surrounded by paramedics.
Making his way to his boss' side, Dave asks him, "What happened?"
His boss looks up and says, "It was the final straw... you and the Pope came out on to the balcony and the man next to me said, 'Who the f
k is that on the balcony with Dave?'"
four business men playing golf bragging abotu ho wimportant they are and that no matter what, they have to be contactable as they are the only ones who can make decisions at their firm.
3rd tea, there is a ringing noise and first bloke says "excuse me" walks over to his bag and picks out a phone form a custom holder and battery pack, speaks for a few momenets and places teh phone back in his golf bag.
"sorry guys, I'm so important at my firm I have to be contactable even if I'm on the tee". a chorus of harumphs from the boys.
a while later 7th fairway, phone rings and the second man stops and pulls a tiny aerial out of his 8 iron and speaks into the handle. he finishes his call and apologises saying he needs to "be contactable whatever shot he is playing" as he nods to the first guy...
11th green and third bloke is putting and there is another ring. he stops, pulls out an even tinier antenna from his thumb and speaks into his hand. he finishes and turns to the rest and says, sorry guys, "I nned to be contactable 'whatever' I'm doing...." and he nods towards the first two....
17th green and the fourth guy is about to chip onto the green and he stops mid stroke and excuses himself and dissapears into the bushes. a few minuts pass and the third bloke goes look for him and finds him squatting down with his trousers round his ankles..he stops in his tracks and apologises "sorry mate I didn't realise..." and the fourth bloke replies "no worries mate, I'm just expecting a fax...."
3rd tea, there is a ringing noise and first bloke says "excuse me" walks over to his bag and picks out a phone form a custom holder and battery pack, speaks for a few momenets and places teh phone back in his golf bag.
"sorry guys, I'm so important at my firm I have to be contactable even if I'm on the tee". a chorus of harumphs from the boys.
a while later 7th fairway, phone rings and the second man stops and pulls a tiny aerial out of his 8 iron and speaks into the handle. he finishes his call and apologises saying he needs to "be contactable whatever shot he is playing" as he nods to the first guy...
11th green and third bloke is putting and there is another ring. he stops, pulls out an even tinier antenna from his thumb and speaks into his hand. he finishes and turns to the rest and says, sorry guys, "I nned to be contactable 'whatever' I'm doing...." and he nods towards the first two....
17th green and the fourth guy is about to chip onto the green and he stops mid stroke and excuses himself and dissapears into the bushes. a few minuts pass and the third bloke goes look for him and finds him squatting down with his trousers round his ankles..he stops in his tracks and apologises "sorry mate I didn't realise..." and the fourth bloke replies "no worries mate, I'm just expecting a fax...."
Asterix said:
Dave was bragging to his boss one day, "You know, I know everyone there is to know. Just name someone, anyone, and I know them."
Tired of his boasting, his boss called his bluff, "OK, Dave, how about Tom Cruise?"
"No dramas boss, Tom and I are old friends, and I can prove it."
So Dave and his boss fly out to Hollywood and knock on Tom Cruise's door, and Tom Cruise shouts, "Dave! What's happening? Great to see you! Come on in for a beer!"
Although impressed, Dave's boss is still sceptical. After they leave Cruise's house, he tells Dave that he thinks him knowing Cruise was just lucky.
"No, no, just name anyone else," Dave says.
"President Bush," his boss quickly retorts.
"Yup," Dave says, "Old buddies, let's fly out to Washington," and off they go. At the White House, Bush spots Dave on the tour and motions him and his boss over, saying, "Dave, what a surprise, I was just on my way to a meeting, but you and your friend come on in and let's have a cup of coffee first and catch up."
Well, the boss is very shaken by now but still not totally convinced.
After they leave the White House grounds he expresses his doubts to Dave, who again implores him to name anyone else.
"The Pope," his boss replies.
"Sure!" says Dave. "I've known the Pope for years." So off they fly to Rome.
Dave and his boss are assembled with the masses at the Vatican's St. Peter's Square when Dave says, "This will never work. I can't catch the Pope's eye among all these people. Tell you what, I know all the guards so let me just go upstairs and I'll come out on the balcony with the Pope."
He disappears into the crowd headed towards the Vatican.
Sure enough, half an hour later Dave emerges with the Pope on the balcony, but by the time Dave returns, he finds that his boss has had a heart attack and is surrounded by paramedics.
Making his way to his boss' side, Dave asks him, "What happened?"
His boss looks up and says, "It was the final straw... you and the Pope came out on to the balcony and the man next to me said, 'Who the fk is that on the balcony with Dave?'"
I really am sorry to tell you this, but that is at least fifty years old (obviously with different names used than TC and PB).Tired of his boasting, his boss called his bluff, "OK, Dave, how about Tom Cruise?"
"No dramas boss, Tom and I are old friends, and I can prove it."
So Dave and his boss fly out to Hollywood and knock on Tom Cruise's door, and Tom Cruise shouts, "Dave! What's happening? Great to see you! Come on in for a beer!"
Although impressed, Dave's boss is still sceptical. After they leave Cruise's house, he tells Dave that he thinks him knowing Cruise was just lucky.
"No, no, just name anyone else," Dave says.
"President Bush," his boss quickly retorts.
"Yup," Dave says, "Old buddies, let's fly out to Washington," and off they go. At the White House, Bush spots Dave on the tour and motions him and his boss over, saying, "Dave, what a surprise, I was just on my way to a meeting, but you and your friend come on in and let's have a cup of coffee first and catch up."
Well, the boss is very shaken by now but still not totally convinced.
After they leave the White House grounds he expresses his doubts to Dave, who again implores him to name anyone else.
"The Pope," his boss replies.
"Sure!" says Dave. "I've known the Pope for years." So off they fly to Rome.
Dave and his boss are assembled with the masses at the Vatican's St. Peter's Square when Dave says, "This will never work. I can't catch the Pope's eye among all these people. Tell you what, I know all the guards so let me just go upstairs and I'll come out on the balcony with the Pope."
He disappears into the crowd headed towards the Vatican.
Sure enough, half an hour later Dave emerges with the Pope on the balcony, but by the time Dave returns, he finds that his boss has had a heart attack and is surrounded by paramedics.
Making his way to his boss' side, Dave asks him, "What happened?"
His boss looks up and says, "It was the final straw... you and the Pope came out on to the balcony and the man next to me said, 'Who the f
k is that on the balcony with Dave?'"HTH
Nom de ploom said:
... picks out a phone form a custom holder and battery pack, speaks for a few moments and places the phone back in his golf bag.
"sorry guys, I'm so important at my firm I have to be contactable even if I'm on the tee"...
And this one appears to be older than the mobile phone!"sorry guys, I'm so important at my firm I have to be contactable even if I'm on the tee"...
. New to me though, so good post.
jbudgie said:
Asterix said:
Dave was bragging to his boss one day, "You know, I know everyone there is to know. Just name someone, anyone, and I know them."
Tired of his boasting, his boss called his bluff, "OK, Dave, how about Tom Cruise?"
"No dramas boss, Tom and I are old friends, and I can prove it."
So Dave and his boss fly out to Hollywood and knock on Tom Cruise's door, and Tom Cruise shouts, "Dave! What's happening? Great to see you! Come on in for a beer!"
Although impressed, Dave's boss is still sceptical. After they leave Cruise's house, he tells Dave that he thinks him knowing Cruise was just lucky.
"No, no, just name anyone else," Dave says.
"President Bush," his boss quickly retorts.
"Yup," Dave says, "Old buddies, let's fly out to Washington," and off they go. At the White House, Bush spots Dave on the tour and motions him and his boss over, saying, "Dave, what a surprise, I was just on my way to a meeting, but you and your friend come on in and let's have a cup of coffee first and catch up."
Well, the boss is very shaken by now but still not totally convinced.
After they leave the White House grounds he expresses his doubts to Dave, who again implores him to name anyone else.
"The Pope," his boss replies.
"Sure!" says Dave. "I've known the Pope for years." So off they fly to Rome.
Dave and his boss are assembled with the masses at the Vatican's St. Peter's Square when Dave says, "This will never work. I can't catch the Pope's eye among all these people. Tell you what, I know all the guards so let me just go upstairs and I'll come out on the balcony with the Pope."
He disappears into the crowd headed towards the Vatican.
Sure enough, half an hour later Dave emerges with the Pope on the balcony, but by the time Dave returns, he finds that his boss has had a heart attack and is surrounded by paramedics.
Making his way to his boss' side, Dave asks him, "What happened?"
His boss looks up and says, "It was the final straw... you and the Pope came out on to the balcony and the man next to me said, 'Who the fk is that on the balcony with Dave?'"
I really am sorry to tell you this, but that is at least fifty years old (obviously with different names used than TC and PB).Tired of his boasting, his boss called his bluff, "OK, Dave, how about Tom Cruise?"
"No dramas boss, Tom and I are old friends, and I can prove it."
So Dave and his boss fly out to Hollywood and knock on Tom Cruise's door, and Tom Cruise shouts, "Dave! What's happening? Great to see you! Come on in for a beer!"
Although impressed, Dave's boss is still sceptical. After they leave Cruise's house, he tells Dave that he thinks him knowing Cruise was just lucky.
"No, no, just name anyone else," Dave says.
"President Bush," his boss quickly retorts.
"Yup," Dave says, "Old buddies, let's fly out to Washington," and off they go. At the White House, Bush spots Dave on the tour and motions him and his boss over, saying, "Dave, what a surprise, I was just on my way to a meeting, but you and your friend come on in and let's have a cup of coffee first and catch up."
Well, the boss is very shaken by now but still not totally convinced.
After they leave the White House grounds he expresses his doubts to Dave, who again implores him to name anyone else.
"The Pope," his boss replies.
"Sure!" says Dave. "I've known the Pope for years." So off they fly to Rome.
Dave and his boss are assembled with the masses at the Vatican's St. Peter's Square when Dave says, "This will never work. I can't catch the Pope's eye among all these people. Tell you what, I know all the guards so let me just go upstairs and I'll come out on the balcony with the Pope."
He disappears into the crowd headed towards the Vatican.
Sure enough, half an hour later Dave emerges with the Pope on the balcony, but by the time Dave returns, he finds that his boss has had a heart attack and is surrounded by paramedics.
Making his way to his boss' side, Dave asks him, "What happened?"
His boss looks up and says, "It was the final straw... you and the Pope came out on to the balcony and the man next to me said, 'Who the f
k is that on the balcony with Dave?'"HTH
Silver Smudger said:
Nom de ploom said:
... picks out a phone form a custom holder and battery pack, speaks for a few moments and places the phone back in his golf bag.
"sorry guys, I'm so important at my firm I have to be contactable even if I'm on the tee"...
And this one appears to be older than the mobile phone!"sorry guys, I'm so important at my firm I have to be contactable even if I'm on the tee"...
"Hang on John", interrupted Lew, "I've got someone on the other line".
Mrs fox and i were doing a tidy up and found an unopened Christmas Present
It was a Womble peppermill. Dont like it.
Everything comes out over-ground or under-ground
We were discussing our preferred funeral arrangements. I said i really fancied a Viking funeral. But have found out pyre at sea is illegal
Shamelessly nicked from another thread
It was a Womble peppermill. Dont like it.
Everything comes out over-ground or under-ground
We were discussing our preferred funeral arrangements. I said i really fancied a Viking funeral. But have found out pyre at sea is illegal
Shamelessly nicked from another thread
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