Sean Connery Joke Thread (Vol 7)
Discussion
*cough* twitter 2009 - I suspect it's rather older than that too.
d...
An oldie but...
A mother was working in the kitchen, listening to her five-year-old son playing with his new electric train set in the living room.
She heard the train stop and her son saying, 'All of You b*****ds who want off, get off now, 'cos we're in a hurry! And all of you b*****ds who are getting on, get on now, 'cos we're going down the tracks'.
The horrified mother went in and told her son, 'We don't use that kind of language in this house. Now I want you to go to your room and stay there for TWO HOURS.
When you come out, you may play with your train, but I want you to use nice language.'
Two hours later, the son came out of the bedroom and resumed playing with his train. Soon the train stopped and the mother heard her son say,
'All passengers who are disembarking the train, please remember to take all of your belongings with you.
We thank you for travelling with us today and hope your trip was a pleasant one.'
She hears the little boy continue,
'For those of you just boarding, we ask you to stow all of your hand luggage under your seat. Remember, there is no smoking on the train.
We hope you will have a pleasant and relaxing journey with us today.'
As the mother began to smile, the child added..........
'For those of you who are pissed off about the TWO HOUR delay, please see the fat controller in the kitchen.
A mother was working in the kitchen, listening to her five-year-old son playing with his new electric train set in the living room.
She heard the train stop and her son saying, 'All of You b*****ds who want off, get off now, 'cos we're in a hurry! And all of you b*****ds who are getting on, get on now, 'cos we're going down the tracks'.
The horrified mother went in and told her son, 'We don't use that kind of language in this house. Now I want you to go to your room and stay there for TWO HOURS.
When you come out, you may play with your train, but I want you to use nice language.'
Two hours later, the son came out of the bedroom and resumed playing with his train. Soon the train stopped and the mother heard her son say,
'All passengers who are disembarking the train, please remember to take all of your belongings with you.
We thank you for travelling with us today and hope your trip was a pleasant one.'
She hears the little boy continue,
'For those of you just boarding, we ask you to stow all of your hand luggage under your seat. Remember, there is no smoking on the train.
We hope you will have a pleasant and relaxing journey with us today.'
As the mother began to smile, the child added..........
'For those of you who are pissed off about the TWO HOUR delay, please see the fat controller in the kitchen.
The mother-in-law decides to pay an unannounced visit to her darling son and his newly married wife. Upon welcoming herself into the house, she finds her new daughter-in-law laying naked on the sofa.
When asked what she's up to, the daughter-in-law replies 'this is my love dress, I only wear it when in expecting your son home. He always enjoys it when I wear my love dress'.
The mother-in-law, a little impressed by the idea of a love dress, heads home to let them enjoy their newlywed enthusiasm. When she returns home, her husband of 35 years is out, so she decides to spice things up by getting into her own 'love dress' and getting on the sofa, ready for hubby to return home, 20 minutes later, he wanders in and sees her starkers on the couch. 'What the hell are you doing, love?' He asks. 'I thought I'd surprise you', she replies, 'this is my love dress!'. Husband says, 'Well it needs ironing. What's for dinner?'
When asked what she's up to, the daughter-in-law replies 'this is my love dress, I only wear it when in expecting your son home. He always enjoys it when I wear my love dress'.
The mother-in-law, a little impressed by the idea of a love dress, heads home to let them enjoy their newlywed enthusiasm. When she returns home, her husband of 35 years is out, so she decides to spice things up by getting into her own 'love dress' and getting on the sofa, ready for hubby to return home, 20 minutes later, he wanders in and sees her starkers on the couch. 'What the hell are you doing, love?' He asks. 'I thought I'd surprise you', she replies, 'this is my love dress!'. Husband says, 'Well it needs ironing. What's for dinner?'
phumy said:
Two policemen call the station on the radio.
"Hello is that the Sarge?"
"Yes"
"We have a case here where a woman has just shot and killed her husband for stepping on the floor she had just mopped clean"
"Have you arrested the woman?"
..
..
..
..
..
No Sarge, the floor is still wet!!"
Me likey"Hello is that the Sarge?"
"Yes"
"We have a case here where a woman has just shot and killed her husband for stepping on the floor she had just mopped clean"
"Have you arrested the woman?"
..
..
..
..
..
No Sarge, the floor is still wet!!"
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