Sean Connery Joke Thread (Vol 7)

Sean Connery Joke Thread (Vol 7)

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kowalski655

14,599 posts

142 months

Thursday 26th February 2015
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Have you suffered an injury at work?

Call the P I Claim line on 0800 SUE-THE-BUGGERS

Usget

5,426 posts

210 months

Thursday 26th February 2015
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kowalski655 said:
Have you suffered an injury at work?

Call the P I Claim line on 0800 SUE-THE-BUGGERS
Ze fallen Madonna with ze (actually still quite) big boobies...

A993LAD

1,627 posts

220 months

Friday 27th February 2015
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It's (not) life jim, but not as we know it, not as we know it, not as we know it etc....rip

john2443

6,325 posts

210 months

Friday 27th February 2015
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A993LAD said:
It's (not) life jim, but not as we know it, not as we know it, not as we know it etc....rip
Well done! I was a bit worried this thread had stopped reporting the news, how are we supposed to know what's going on in the world without it!

PoleDriver

28,616 posts

193 months

Friday 27th February 2015
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He had a long and prosperous life!

Hugo a Gogo

23,378 posts

232 months

Friday 27th February 2015
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spock too soon

marshalla

15,902 posts

200 months

Friday 27th February 2015
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A993LAD said:
It's (not) life jim, but not as we know it, not as we know it, not as we know it etc....rip
It's worse than that - he's dead Jim.

omgus

7,305 posts

174 months

Friday 27th February 2015
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marshalla said:
It's worse than that - he's dead Jim.
hehepaperbag

fatboy18

18,930 posts

210 months

Friday 27th February 2015
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He was hoping to klingon a bit longer frown

RIP.

Edited by fatboy18 on Friday 27th February 21:25

MrVert

4,394 posts

238 months

Friday 27th February 2015
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marshalla said:
A993LAD said:
It's (not) life jim, but not as we know it, not as we know it, not as we know it etc....rip
It's worse than that - he's dead Jim.
hehe

LordGrover

33,532 posts

211 months

Friday 27th February 2015
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LLAP

Hugo a Gogo

23,378 posts

232 months

Saturday 28th February 2015
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those extra couple of letters were just too much, eh

Hugo a Gogo

23,378 posts

232 months

Saturday 28th February 2015
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anyway...

should have gone to Spocksavers...

GAjon

3,721 posts

212 months

Saturday 28th February 2015
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Revived from the eighties,

What's Spocks mum and the runway at port Stanley got in common?

They've both been fked by Vulcans.

omgus

7,305 posts

174 months

Saturday 28th February 2015
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GAjon said:
Revived from the eighties,

What's Spocks mum and the runway at port Stanley got in common?

They've both been fked by Vulcans.
Retrorofl

Evangelion

7,642 posts

177 months

Sunday 1st March 2015
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So the lawyer says to his client, a wealthy art collector: "I have good news and bad news."

The collector replies: "Well I've had an awful day, so good news first."

The lawyer says: "Your wife invested £20,000 in two pictures today that she reckons are worth a minimum of £500,000."

The collector is over the moon: "Well done, very good news indeed! You've just made my day; so what's the bad news then?"

The lawyer replies: "The pictures are of you shagging your secretary.”

Edited by Evangelion on Sunday 1st March 02:02

YankeePorker

4,763 posts

240 months

Sunday 1st March 2015
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A golfer hits his ball into a yard next to the golf course.

As he goes to get it a man in the yard says, "Don't you see
the sign? It says, 'Private property - Stay Out!'"

The golfer says, "I'm sorry I did not see it. That's my ball over
there. May I have it, please?"

The man says, "It's in my yard and so it's my ball now."

The golfer looks at the man and says, "I think I understand"

He then walks back to the golf cart, gets another golf ball,
then walks back and throws it into the yard as well.

The man says, "What did you do that for?"

The golfer replies...

"I consider myself a Gentleman, and I
believe every prick should have two balls."



Laurel Green

30,770 posts

231 months

Monday 2nd March 2015
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A woman went into a store to buy her husband a pet for his birthday.

After looking around, she found that all the pets were very expensive.

She told the clerk she wanted to buy a pet, but she didn't want to spend a fortune.

'Well,' said the clerk, 'I have a very large bullfrog. They say it's been trained to give blowjobs!'

'Blowjobs!' the woman replied.

It hasn't been proven but we've sold 30 of them this month,' he said.

The woman thought it would be a great gag gift, and what if it's true...

No more blowjobs for her!

She bought the frog.

When she explained froggy's ability to her husband, he was extremely skeptical and laughed it off!...

The woman went to bed happy, thinking she may never need to perform this less than riveting act again.

In the middle of the night, she was awakened by the noise of pots and pans flying everywhere, making hellacious banging and crashing sounds.

She ran downstairs to the kitchen, only to find her husband and the frog reading cook books.

'What are you two doing at this hour?' she asked.

The husband replied, 'If I can teach this frog to cook... you're gone.'

Cotty

39,390 posts

283 months

Monday 2nd March 2015
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YankeePorker said:
A golfer hits his ball into a yard next to the golf course.

As he goes to get it a man in the yard says, "Don't you see
the sign? It says, 'Private property - Stay Out!'"

The golfer says, "I'm sorry I did not see it. That's my ball over
there. May I have it, please?"

The man says, "It's in my yard and so it's my ball now."

The golfer looks at the man and says, "I think I understand"

He then walks back to the golf cart, gets another golf ball,
then walks back and throws it into the yard as well.

The man says, "What did you do that for?"

The golfer replies...

"I consider myself a Gentleman, and I
believe every prick should have two balls."
I thought he was going to get his wife, not another ball.

phil1979

3,540 posts

214 months

Monday 2nd March 2015
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What did Spock find in the toilet?



The Captain's Log
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