Sean Connery Joke Thread (Vol 7)
Discussion
Pixelpeep7r said:
ChemicalChaos said:
PoleDriver said:
Pixelpeep7r said:
Mermaid said:
sparks_E39 said:
Whoever it was that stole my copy of Microsoft Office, I will find you.
You have my word.
Sure you will, you excel at everythingYou have my word.
evenflow said:
Pixelpeep7r said:
ChemicalChaos said:
PoleDriver said:
Pixelpeep7r said:
Mermaid said:
sparks_E39 said:
Whoever it was that stole my copy of Microsoft Office, I will find you.
You have my word.
Sure you will, you excel at everythingYou have my word.
ThunderSpook said:
Pixelpeep7r said:
not sure if serious..
Kitten theory only applies to jokes, I'm just pointing out the errors in your statements the term 'joke' is subjective and if it doesn't meet your definition then it doesn't mean that is a fact, it means YOU don't think so.
In for a penny in for a pound...
I was listing films he'd been in, including witness
i brace for a parrot but have responded to cover all bases
I got that, I was just trying to suggest that you'd fallen in to the trap of mentioning someone's name along with references to things they've done in the hope that humour would magically appear.
On the other hand if you found it funny then that's fine I just don't agree that it was the Holy Grail (do you see what I did there?) of humour.
On the other hand if you found it funny then that's fine
I just don't agree that it was the Holy Grail (do you see what I did there?) of humour.A guy walks into a bar with an octopus. He sits the octopus down on a stool and tells everyone in the bar that this is a very talented octopus. He can play any musical instrument in the world. He hears everyone in the crowd laughing at him, calling him an idiot, etc. So he says that he will wager £50 to anyone who has an instrument that the octopus can't play.
A guy walks up with a guitar and sets it beside the octopus. The octopus starts playing better than Jimi Hendrix, just rippin' it up. So the man pays his £50. Another guy walks up with a trumpet. The octopus plays the trumpet better than Dizzie Gillespie. So the man pays his £50. Then a Scotsman walks up with bagpipes. He sits them down and the octopus fumbles with it for a minute and sits it down with a confused look.
"Ha!" the Scot says. "Can't you play it?"
The octopus looks up at him and says, "Play it? I'm going to screw it as soon as I figure out how to get its pajamas off."
A guy walks up with a guitar and sets it beside the octopus. The octopus starts playing better than Jimi Hendrix, just rippin' it up. So the man pays his £50. Another guy walks up with a trumpet. The octopus plays the trumpet better than Dizzie Gillespie. So the man pays his £50. Then a Scotsman walks up with bagpipes. He sits them down and the octopus fumbles with it for a minute and sits it down with a confused look.
"Ha!" the Scot says. "Can't you play it?"
The octopus looks up at him and says, "Play it? I'm going to screw it as soon as I figure out how to get its pajamas off."
The British POW in a German concentration camp had sustained several injuries before being captured which required medical attention.
He was sent down to the operating theatre where he had to have his right leg amputated. A few days later he was back again and had to have his left arm amputated. A week later he had his right hand amputated.
A few days later the Commandant came to see him and told him he was being put into solitary confinement.
"Why" asked the POW
"Ve are avare of your escape plan" said the Commandant.
"What escape plan" asked the POW
" Ve know you are trying to escape bit by bit" replied the Commandant
"Heil Hitler"
He was sent down to the operating theatre where he had to have his right leg amputated. A few days later he was back again and had to have his left arm amputated. A week later he had his right hand amputated.
A few days later the Commandant came to see him and told him he was being put into solitary confinement.
"Why" asked the POW
"Ve are avare of your escape plan" said the Commandant.
"What escape plan" asked the POW
" Ve know you are trying to escape bit by bit" replied the Commandant
"Heil Hitler"
A mother is in the kitchen making dinner for her family when her daughter walks in. “Mother, where do babies come from?”
The mother thinks for a few seconds and says, “Well dear, Mommy and Daddy fall in love and get married. One night they go into their bedroom, they kiss and hug, and have sex.”
The daughter looks puzzled so the mother continues, “That means the daddy puts his penis in the mommy’s vagina. That’s how you get a baby, honey.”
The child seems to comprehend. “Oh, I see, but the other night when I came into your room you had daddy’s penis in your mouth. What do you get when you do that?”
“Jewelry, my dear. Jewelry.”
The mother thinks for a few seconds and says, “Well dear, Mommy and Daddy fall in love and get married. One night they go into their bedroom, they kiss and hug, and have sex.”
The daughter looks puzzled so the mother continues, “That means the daddy puts his penis in the mommy’s vagina. That’s how you get a baby, honey.”
The child seems to comprehend. “Oh, I see, but the other night when I came into your room you had daddy’s penis in your mouth. What do you get when you do that?”
“Jewelry, my dear. Jewelry.”
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