Sean Connery Joke Thread (Vol 7)
Discussion
PoleDriver said:
Ooh, a joke at last! ??
Absolutely agree, I'm sick of coming on tis thread finding pages of dissecting and explaining of jokes and people pulling others to pieces, let's concentrate on sharing the jokes!!!!here goes with a couple.....
A husband and wife are trying to set up a new password for their computer. The husband puts, "Mypenis," and the wife falls on the ground laughing because on the screen it says, "Error. Not long enough."
What did one saggy boob say to the other saggy boob? "We better get some support before someone thinks we're nuts!"
Two blondes fell down a hole. One said, "It's dark in here isn't it?" The other replied, "I don't know; I can't see."
PoleDriver said:
Ooh, a joke at last! ??
Absolutely agree, I'm sick of coming on tis thread finding pages of dissecting and explaining of jokes and people pulling others to pieces, let's concentrate on sharing the jokes!!!!here goes with a couple.....
A husband and wife are trying to set up a new password for their computer. The husband puts, "Mypenis," and the wife falls on the ground laughing because on the screen it says, "Error. Not long enough."
What did one saggy boob say to the other saggy boob? "We better get some support before someone thinks we're nuts!"
Two blondes fell down a hole. One said, "It's dark in here isn't it?" The other replied, "I don't know; I can't see."
Monkeylegend said:
The British POW in a German concentration camp had sustained several injuries before being captured which required medical attention.
He was sent down to the operating theatre where he had to have his right leg amputated. A few days later he was back again and had to have his left arm amputated. A week later he had his right hand amputated.
A few days later the Commandant came to see him and told him he was being put into solitary confinement.
"Why" asked the POW
"Ve are avare of your escape plan" said the Commandant.
"What escape plan" asked the POW
" Ve know you are trying to escape bit by bit" replied the Commandant
"Heil Hitler"
Yes, but why was he in a concentration camp and not a Prisoner of War camp?He was sent down to the operating theatre where he had to have his right leg amputated. A few days later he was back again and had to have his left arm amputated. A week later he had his right hand amputated.
A few days later the Commandant came to see him and told him he was being put into solitary confinement.
"Why" asked the POW
"Ve are avare of your escape plan" said the Commandant.
"What escape plan" asked the POW
" Ve know you are trying to escape bit by bit" replied the Commandant
"Heil Hitler"
A brunette goes into a doctor's office and says that her body hurts wherever she touches it. "Impossible," says the doctor. "Show me." She takes her finger, presses on her elbow, and screams in agony. She pushes her knee and screams, pushes her ankle and screams, and so it goes on; everywhere she touches makes her scream with pain. The doctor says, "You're not really a brunette are you?" She says, "No, I dyed my hair. I'm naturally blonde." "I thought so," he says. "Your finger is broken."
schmunk said:
cjb1 said:
A husband and wife are trying to set up a new password for their computer. The husband puts, "Mypenis," and the wife falls on the ground laughing because on the screen it says, "Error. Not long enough."
So, you watched Graham Norton, then?Laurel Green said:
A guy walks into a bar with an octopus. He sits the octopus down on a stool and tells everyone in the bar that this is a very talented octopus. He can play any musical instrument in the world. He hears everyone in the crowd laughing at him, calling him an idiot, etc. So he says that he will wager £50 to anyone who has an instrument that the octopus can't play.
A guy walks up with a guitar and sets it beside the octopus. The octopus starts playing better than Jimi Hendrix, just rippin' it up. So the man pays his £50. Another guy walks up with a trumpet. The octopus plays the trumpet better than Dizzie Gillespie. So the man pays his £50. Then a Scotsman walks up with bagpipes. He sits them down and the octopus fumbles with it for a minute and sits it down with a confused look.
"Ha!" the Scot says. "Can't you play it?"
The octopus looks up at him and says, "Play it? I'm going to screw it as soon as I figure out how to get its pajamas off."
A guy walks up with a guitar and sets it beside the octopus. The octopus starts playing better than Jimi Hendrix, just rippin' it up. So the man pays his £50. Another guy walks up with a trumpet. The octopus plays the trumpet better than Dizzie Gillespie. So the man pays his £50. Then a Scotsman walks up with bagpipes. He sits them down and the octopus fumbles with it for a minute and sits it down with a confused look.
"Ha!" the Scot says. "Can't you play it?"
The octopus looks up at him and says, "Play it? I'm going to screw it as soon as I figure out how to get its pajamas off."
great stuff
k knows what she's talking about.
PoleDriver said:
Silver Smudger said:
AW111 said:
What do you call an Englishman in a world cup final?
The umpire.
Is that the cricket or tennis world cup?The umpire.
Where does a baby ape sleep?
In an apricot...
Edited by Silver Smudger on Monday 9th March 16:21
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