Sean Connery Joke Thread (Vol 7)

[vx220]

GloverMart said:

Sad that my old laundry drying rack has broken.

It's the end of an airer.

This is going to make some people very unhappy at work tomorrow!

I can't wait!

[Vipers]

Last night, my wife sent me a text, saying she was in casualty.

When I got home I watched 50 minutes of it and, never saw her once.

She still hasn't come home, and I'm starving.

[twing]

Vipers said:

Last night, my wife sent me a text, saying she was in casualty.

When I got home I watched 50 minutes of it and, never saw her once.

She still hasn't come home, and I'm starving.

[droopsnoot]

schmunk said:

Bjork's home

I didn't know she'd been away.

[s111dpc]

droopsnoot said:

schmunk said:

Bjork's home

I didn't know she'd been away.

[DAVEVO9]

The parents of the three schoolgirls who have gone to Syria have made an impassioned plea for their return.



"Girls, please come home immediately. We're losing sixty pounds a week in Child Benefit and Uncle Aziz hasn't had a shag for a fortnight.”

[Mermaid]

DAVEVO9 said:

The parents of the three schoolgirls who have gone to Syria have made an impassioned plea for their return.

"Girls, please come home immediately. We're losing sixty pounds a week in Child Benefit and Uncle Aziz hasn't had a shag for a fortnight.”

Unhealthy stereotyping, but the "community" is quiet about how they will improve the image of their lot for the greater good. It is perhaps the norm, although would like to think it is not.

[mybrainhurts]

Mermaid said:

DAVEVO9 said:

The parents of the three schoolgirls who have gone to Syria have made an impassioned plea for their return.

"Girls, please come home immediately. We're losing sixty pounds a week in Child Benefit and Uncle Aziz hasn't had a shag for a fortnight.”

Unhealthy stereotyping, but the "community" is quiet about how they will improve the image of their lot for the greater good. It is perhaps the norm, although would like to think it is not.

Think you forgot the punch line.

[Mermaid]

mybrainhurts said:

Mermaid said:

DAVEVO9 said:

The parents of the three schoolgirls who have gone to Syria have made an impassioned plea for their return.

"Girls, please come home immediately. We're losing sixty pounds a week in Child Benefit and Uncle Aziz hasn't had a shag for a fortnight.”

Unhealthy stereotyping, but the "community" is quiet about how they will improve the image of their lot for the greater good. It is perhaps the norm, although would like to think it is not.

Think you forgot the punch line.

ooops - I'll get my cab

[Ali_D]

Mermaid said:

ooops - I'll get my cab

Now that actually did make me laugh! That's probably really bad of me.

[EarlOfHazard]

I saw a clown's eye today...which is a big plus

[StevieBee]

My wife's started to dress in nothing but sieves and colanders,

It's putting a bit of a strain on our relationship, to be honest.

[Hooli]

Mermaid said:

mybrainhurts said:

Mermaid said:

DAVEVO9 said:

The parents of the three schoolgirls who have gone to Syria have made an impassioned plea for their return.

"Girls, please come home immediately. We're losing sixty pounds a week in Child Benefit and Uncle Aziz hasn't had a shag for a fortnight.”

Unhealthy stereotyping, but the "community" is quiet about how they will improve the image of their lot for the greater good. It is perhaps the norm, although would like to think it is not.

Think you forgot the punch line.

ooops - I'll get my cab

[Vipers]

I was offered some really cheap shares in the new Thunderbirds series.

I said to the guy "Too cheap be real, what's the catch"

He said "There is no catch, there are absolutely no strings attached"

[NoNeed]

If he asks you again what would you tell him the third time?

[Vipers]

NoNeed said:

If he asks you again what would you tell him the third time?

Bloody iPads.

[twing]

Vipers said:

Bloody iPads.

...if Apple made tampons they'd be the best in the world

[twing]

twing said:

...if Apple made tampons they'd be the best in the world

Now I think about it they'd be rubbish! Only last 5 mins and the string would snap off

[Vipers]

twing said:

Vipers said:

Bloody iPads.

...if Apple made tampons they'd be the best in the world

Man doing door to door survey to find out which pads women use.
He said "What pads do you use Mrs"
She said "Brillo"
He thought to himself, we have a bright here

[twing]