Sean Connery Joke Thread (Vol 7)
Discussion
Jose and Pablo are resting under a tree by the roadside.
Then a big American car drives past in a cloud of dust and a hundred dollar bill flutters to the ground on the other side of the road.
Jose looks at Pablo and sighs. 'Always we have bad luck. If the wind blew the other way we would be rich.'
Then a big American car drives past in a cloud of dust and a hundred dollar bill flutters to the ground on the other side of the road.
Jose looks at Pablo and sighs. 'Always we have bad luck. If the wind blew the other way we would be rich.'
An old Italian gentleman lived alone in New Jersey . He wanted to plant his annual tomato garden, but it was very difficult work, as the ground was hard. His only son, Vincent, who used to help him, was in prison. The old man wrote a letter to his son and described his predicament:
Dear Vincent, I am feeling pretty sad because it looks like I won’t be able to plant my tomato garden this year. I’m just getting too old to be digging up a garden plot. I know if you were here my troubles would be over. I know you would be happy to dig the plot for me, like in the old days. Love, Paopa
A few days later he received a letter from his son.
Dear Papa, Don’t dig up that garden. That’ s where the bodies are buried. Love, Vinnie
At 4 a.m. The next morning, FBI agents and local police arrived and dug up the entire area without finding any bodies. They apologized to the old man and left. That same day the old man received another letter from his son.
Dear Papa, Go ahead and plant the tomatoes now. That’s the best I could do under the circumstances.
Love you,
Vinnie
The moral of the story is: Wherever there is a will, there is a way - so never lose hope.
Dear Vincent, I am feeling pretty sad because it looks like I won’t be able to plant my tomato garden this year. I’m just getting too old to be digging up a garden plot. I know if you were here my troubles would be over. I know you would be happy to dig the plot for me, like in the old days. Love, Paopa
A few days later he received a letter from his son.
Dear Papa, Don’t dig up that garden. That’ s where the bodies are buried. Love, Vinnie
At 4 a.m. The next morning, FBI agents and local police arrived and dug up the entire area without finding any bodies. They apologized to the old man and left. That same day the old man received another letter from his son.
Dear Papa, Go ahead and plant the tomatoes now. That’s the best I could do under the circumstances.
Love you,
Vinnie
The moral of the story is: Wherever there is a will, there is a way - so never lose hope.
Three men awaited execution by firing squad in the condemned cell, from which the site of their forthcoming ordeal could be clearly seen.
The first, an Englishman, was taken out and stood against the wall.
As the firing squad raised their rifles, he suddenly shouted "Avalanche!" at the top of his voice.
The soldiers looked about in alarm, threw down their rifles and turned to run.
Taking advantage of the momentary chaos, the Englishman scuttled away as fast as his legs would carry him and escaped.
The second condemned man. a Scot, seeing the success of this ploy, when his turn came shouted "Flood!", with exactly the same highly successful effect, and off he scampered.
The third man, an Irishman, impressed by the initiative of his colleagues, determined to follow suit. As the rifles were raised and fingers curled around the triggers, he shouted "Fire’
The first, an Englishman, was taken out and stood against the wall.
As the firing squad raised their rifles, he suddenly shouted "Avalanche!" at the top of his voice.
The soldiers looked about in alarm, threw down their rifles and turned to run.
Taking advantage of the momentary chaos, the Englishman scuttled away as fast as his legs would carry him and escaped.
The second condemned man. a Scot, seeing the success of this ploy, when his turn came shouted "Flood!", with exactly the same highly successful effect, and off he scampered.
The third man, an Irishman, impressed by the initiative of his colleagues, determined to follow suit. As the rifles were raised and fingers curled around the triggers, he shouted "Fire’
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