Sean Connery Joke Thread (Vol 7)
Discussion
Mr Frog lived in a pond at the end of a pathway, and each morning a little elf would pass and would say
"Good morning Mr Frog", to which the Frog would reply with :-
"Good morning little elf".
Years went by, the frog and the elf exchanging their greetings every day, until one day the elf didnt show up, the frog, worried about this, but as time went on he accepted that something must have happened, and got on doing what frogs do.
A few years later on a bright sunny morning, Mr frog was sitting on a lush lily leaf in the pond and heard :-
"Good morning Mr Frog", he looked up and saw it was his old friend the elf. The frog said :-
"Where have you been all these years"
"I have been doing my national service"
"Elfs dont dont called up for national service"
"Yes they do, it was the National "Elf" Service"
"Good morning Mr Frog", to which the Frog would reply with :-
"Good morning little elf".
Years went by, the frog and the elf exchanging their greetings every day, until one day the elf didnt show up, the frog, worried about this, but as time went on he accepted that something must have happened, and got on doing what frogs do.
A few years later on a bright sunny morning, Mr frog was sitting on a lush lily leaf in the pond and heard :-
"Good morning Mr Frog", he looked up and saw it was his old friend the elf. The frog said :-
"Where have you been all these years"
"I have been doing my national service"
"Elfs dont dont called up for national service"
"Yes they do, it was the National "Elf" Service"
A tourist in Vienna is going through a graveyard and all of a sudden he hears music. No one is around, so he starts searching for the source.
He finally locates the origin and finds it is coming from a grave with a headstone that reads: "Ludwig von Beethoven, 1770- 1827". Then he realizes that the music is Beethoven's Ninth Symphony and it is being played backward!
Puzzled, he leaves the graveyard and persuades a friend to return with him.
By the time they arrive back at the grave, the music has changed. This time it is the Seventh Symphony, but like the previous piece, it is being played backwards.
Curious, the men agree to consult a music scholar. When they return with the expert, the Fifth Symphony is playing, again backwards.
The expert notices that the symphonies are being played in the reverse order in which they were composed, the 9th, then the 7th, then the 5th.
By the next day the word has spread, and a crowd has gathered around the grave. They are all listening to the Second Symphony being played backward. Just then the graveyard's caretaker ambles up to the group.
Someone in the group asks him if he has an explanation for the music.
"I would have thought it was obvious," the caretaker says . . . . .
"He's decomposing."
A man lost an arm when his golf cart rolled over on him on a down slope.
He became very depressed because he loved to play golf.
One day in his despair, he decided to commit suicide and end it all.
He got on an elevator and went to the top of a building to jump off.
He was standing on the ledge looking down and saw this man down on the sidewalk skipping along, whooping and kicking up his heels. He looked closer and saw that this man didn't have any arms at all.
He started thinking, "What am I doing up here feeling sorry for myself?
I still have one good arm to do things with."
He thought, "There goes a man with no arms skipping down the sidewalk so happy, and going on with his life."
He hurried down to the sidewalk and caught up with the man with no arms. He told him how glad he was to see him because he lost one of his arms and felt useless and was going to kill himself. He thanked him for saving his life and said he knew he could make it with one arm if the guy could go on with no arms.
The man with no arms began dancing and whooping and kicking up his heels again.
He asked, "Why are you so happy anyway?"
He said, "I'm NOT happy.
My balls itch."
Heart-warming stories like this just bring a tear to my eyes..
He became very depressed because he loved to play golf.
One day in his despair, he decided to commit suicide and end it all.
He got on an elevator and went to the top of a building to jump off.
He was standing on the ledge looking down and saw this man down on the sidewalk skipping along, whooping and kicking up his heels. He looked closer and saw that this man didn't have any arms at all.
He started thinking, "What am I doing up here feeling sorry for myself?
I still have one good arm to do things with."
He thought, "There goes a man with no arms skipping down the sidewalk so happy, and going on with his life."
He hurried down to the sidewalk and caught up with the man with no arms. He told him how glad he was to see him because he lost one of his arms and felt useless and was going to kill himself. He thanked him for saving his life and said he knew he could make it with one arm if the guy could go on with no arms.
The man with no arms began dancing and whooping and kicking up his heels again.
He asked, "Why are you so happy anyway?"
He said, "I'm NOT happy.
My balls itch."
Heart-warming stories like this just bring a tear to my eyes..
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