Sean Connery Joke Thread (Vol 7)

[K12beano]

VladD said:

He's shop lifted once, but Woody do it again?

The store said it was a Lightyear for pilfering...

[VladD]

K12beano said:

he store said it was a Lightyear for pilfering...

He asked my advice about how to open locked doors. I told him that credit cards are no good, but Pixar.

[K12beano]

What a hit: Lay Down Quietly By Me ..

[illmonkey]

K12beano said:

What a hit: Lay Down Quietly By Me ..

God damn that was quick.

[K12beano]

illmonkey said:

K12beano said:

What a hit: Lay Down Quietly By Me ..

God damn that was quick.

And what did the E stand for....?

It doesn't - it's taking a little lie down now...

[Vipers]

Two elderly gentlemen bump into each in the supermarket.

The conversation goes like this:-

"Oh sorry I didn't see you"

"Neither did I, I was busy trying to find my wife"

"That's funny I am looking for my wife as well"

"What's she look like"

"She's 25, 5 ft 9, blond, blue eyes, 38-21-38, what's yours like"

"Don't matter, let's find yours first"

[K12beano]

Layla's just got married again.

She would've had me on my knees, but thank goodness for the zimmer frame...

[john2443]

Stolen from faceache

[ColinM50]

Just saw that advert where Holly Willoughby says that whitening toothpaste is part of her daily beauty routine.

Bless her. She genuinely believes people are looking at her face.

[fathomfive]

ColinM50 said:

Just saw that advert where Holly Willoughby says that whitening toothpaste is part of her daily beauty routine.

Bless her. She genuinely believes people are looking at her face.

I'd happily whiten her teeth for her.

[soad]

ColinM50 said:

Just saw that advert where Holly Willoughby says that whitening toothpaste is part of her daily beauty routine.

Bless her. She genuinely believes people are looking at her face.

Bombs Away!

[fatboy18]

fathomfive said:

ColinM50 said:

Just saw that advert where Holly Willoughby says that whitening toothpaste is part of her daily beauty routine.

Bless her. She genuinely believes people are looking at her face.

I'd happily whiten her teeth for her.

[hacksaw]

fathomfive said:

ColinM50 said:

Just saw that advert where Holly Willoughby says that whitening toothpaste is part of her daily beauty routine.

Bless her. She genuinely believes people are looking at her face.

I'd happily whiten her teeth for her.

To be fair, she has the nicest teeth I've ever come across.....

[carpetsoiler]

gwm said:

Oh the irony!

Ah Brasseye, what a genius programme that was. Don't think there's been anything that dark satire on a mainstream channel since.

You never watched Monkey Dust then?

[twing]

In a moving tribute to his late mother, Prince William has announced the name of the new baby Princess.

Mercedes

[RobDickinson]

twing said:

In a moving tribute to his late mother, Prince William has announced the name of the new baby Princess.

Mercedes

:O

[80sMatchbox]

twing said:

In a moving tribute to his late mother, Prince William has announced the name of the new baby Princess.

Mercedes

How do Uno that?

[kowalski655]

Perhaps Paris...after Ms Hilton of course

[Evangelion]

twing said:

In a moving tribute to his late mother, Prince William has announced the name of the new baby Princess.

Mercedes

Talk about tunnel vision.

[gwm]

carpetsoiler said:

gwm said:

Oh the irony!

Ah Brasseye, what a genius programme that was. Don't think there's been anything that dark satire on a mainstream channel since.

You never watched Monkey Dust then?

.... nope?