Sean Connery Joke Thread (Vol 7)
Discussion
PoleDriver said:
Cotty said:
Pearls Before Swine in the Metro this morning?
I don't get that one... Did you forget the punchline?
http://www.gocomics.com/pearlsbeforeswine/2015/05/...
Some time ago, there was a debate on what the knob on the end of a penis is there for.
The Americans spent $10,000 and took 6 months to come to the conclusion it was to enhance sexual stimulation for the male during intercourse.
The French spent €8,000 and 3 months to come to the conclusion it was to enhance sexual stimulation for the female during intercourse.
The Irish went down the pub spent €50 on a few pints of Guinness, and came to the conclusion it is to stop you hand coming off when you have a w
k.
The Americans spent $10,000 and took 6 months to come to the conclusion it was to enhance sexual stimulation for the male during intercourse.
The French spent €8,000 and 3 months to come to the conclusion it was to enhance sexual stimulation for the female during intercourse.
The Irish went down the pub spent €50 on a few pints of Guinness, and came to the conclusion it is to stop you hand coming off when you have a w
k.A guy sends a text to his next-door neighbour:
"Bob, I must apologise and I'm very sorry. I've been riddled with guilt and I need to clear my conscious and confess: I have been helping myself to your wife when you're not around, probably more than you. I know it's no excuse but I don't get it at home. I can't live with the guilt any longer. I hope you'll accept my apology.
Feeling outrage and betrayed, Bob grabs his gun, goes into the bedroom, and without a word, shoots his wife.
Moments later Bob gets a second text: "My apologies again, I really should have used spell check! That should have been "wifi”."
Vipers said:
Some time ago, there was a debate on what the knob on the end of a penis is there for.
The Americans spent $10,000 and took 6 months to come to the conclusion it was to enhance sexual stimulation for the male during intercourse.
The French spent €8,000 and 3 months to come to the conclusion it was to enhance sexual stimulation for the female during intercourse.
The Irish went down the pub spent €50 on a few pints of Guinness, and came to the conclusion it is to stop you hand coming off when you have a wk.
Please return to Manchester Uni Rag Mag circa 1974The Americans spent $10,000 and took 6 months to come to the conclusion it was to enhance sexual stimulation for the male during intercourse.
The French spent €8,000 and 3 months to come to the conclusion it was to enhance sexual stimulation for the female during intercourse.
The Irish went down the pub spent €50 on a few pints of Guinness, and came to the conclusion it is to stop you hand coming off when you have a w
k.Courtesy of Radio 2 this morning, so apologies if a repost:
A bloke decides that he would like a caravan to take his family on holiday. He narrows his choice down to two models of caravan but cannot decide which of the two to buy.
He decides to visit his friend in town - a baker who owns a pie shop.
He tells his baker mate "I can't decide between the Corniche and the Pastiche.
The baker says "there's two words I haven't heard in the same sentance since Sean Connory bought his lunch here in 1974".
A bloke decides that he would like a caravan to take his family on holiday. He narrows his choice down to two models of caravan but cannot decide which of the two to buy.
He decides to visit his friend in town - a baker who owns a pie shop.
He tells his baker mate "I can't decide between the Corniche and the Pastiche.
The baker says "there's two words I haven't heard in the same sentance since Sean Connory bought his lunch here in 1974".
Smile for the day! For those who haven't heard, Washington State recently passed two laws. They legalized gay marriage and legalized marijuana. The fact that gay marriage and marijuana were legalized on the same day makes perfect Biblical sense.
Leviticus 20:13 says: "If a man lies with another man they should be stoned".
Apparently we just hadn't interpreted it correctly before!
Vipers said:
straight dad said:
Please return to Manchester Uni Rag Mag circa 1974
1973, busy serving queen and country, too busy to read Uni mags.Young girl..."what is that thing"
Jimmy Jones... "That is my penis"
YG.. "Oh it looks just like a prick but smaller". "What is that lump on the end of your penis."
JJ... "That is my helmet"
YG... "What is that for?"
JJ... "It stops my hand sliding off the end when I have a w
k"YG... "What are those two lumps about 18 inches away from your helmet?"
JJ... "If you have got your measurements right luv, they are piles"
Etc...
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